I can still post here!!
joannadandy
JoinedPosts by joannadandy
-
11
How About Some Old Time aRockan' Roll
by slipnslidemaster ini admit it.
usually when i'm drunk and/or bored.. but.... this one thread just caught my eye and i would love for all of you jw wonks/historians to post more information regarding it.. it's called "everything you always wanted to know about shunning, excommunication and disfellowship practice".
surely a wonderful thread all on it's own but there is a gem inside of the thread that got me to a'wondering:.
-
-
-
24
Annoying JW Stories
by What Now? in[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>normal</w:view> <w:zoom>0</w:zoom> <w:trackmoves /> <w:trackformatting /> <w:punctuationkerning /> <w:validateagainstschemas /> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:saveifxmlinvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:ignoremixedcontent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext> <w:donotpromoteqf /> <w:lidthemeother>en-us</w:lidthemeother> <w:lidthemeasian>x-none</w:lidthemeasian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>x-none</w:lidthemecomplexscript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables /> <w:snaptogridincell /> <w:wraptextwithpunct /> <w:useasianbreakrules /> <w:dontgrowautofit /> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark /> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp /> <w:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables /> <w:dontvertalignintxbx /> <w:word11kerningpairs /> <w:cachedcolbalance /> </w:compatibility> <w:browserlevel>microsoftinternetexplorer4</w:browserlevel> <m:mathpr> <m:mathfont m:val="cambria math" /> <m:brkbin m:val="before" /> <m:brkbinsub m:val="--" /> <m:smallfrac m:val="off" /> <m:dispdef /> <m:lmargin m:val="0" /> <m:rmargin m:val="0" /> <m:defjc m:val="centergroup" /> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440" /> <m:intlim m:val="subsup" /> <m:narylim m:val="undovr" /> </m:mathpr></w:worddocument> </xml><!
[endif][if gte mso 10]> <style> /* style definitions */ table.msonormaltable {mso-style-name:"table normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"times new roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"times new roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif].
so we had a conversation with my in-laws last night that thoroughly ticked me off and this is the only place that i can vent about it, so here goes!.
-
-
joannadandy
I understand the fear of having your child indoctrinated, and I understand why everyone here is so sensitive to that aspect of the situation. Those of us born-in had a long road to deprogram ourselves, but the difference is we had to do it alone. Your child won't ever have to be alone in that task.
I don't think you should feel afraid to leave your child with his grandparents. As you said, aside from being annoying they are good people. It can be hard when you are leaving to remember that, because it's such an emotional process. Especially when you feel like you can't be honest about how you really feel.
The reason I don't think you should be afraid is because they aren't raising your son. You are. They may be grandparents, but ultimately you are the one raising your child, and will be responsible for whatever spiritual upbringing he has, and he will look to you for answers. If anything, it could be a good thing - compare and contrast what grandma and grandpa believe to what you believe, could give him a great education in logic and reasoning out how to form his own beliefs.
As someone who did a slow-fade herself, eventually you will come to the end of your road. I think it would be good to have an exit strategy. I feel like the situation of them "checking-in" on you is just the begining. To be fair, they are probably just thinking of it as doing their christian duty to check on your spiritual well-being...but it will keep happening. Remember they think they are saving you from eternal damnation. It's going to be emotional for them too.
I wish you all the best. This is not an easy situation for anyone to be in...but having been out now 10 years, I can only offer you that I am in a much better place now. I never thought I would be where I am now, or that the "fade" would eventually have an end. It was really rough, but the freedom I feel now to be myself - was worth every arguement, every hurt feeling, every tear shed between me and my family.
You and your husband will know when the time is right for you and your family to move on.
-
16
Going to Apostate Church
by DilemmaGF inhow many of you had gone visiting any apostate church when you were still in?
what was your feeling?
my bf went to my church with me once, i wonder how he felt....
-
-
joannadandy
While still in - only went for family funerals. I was facinated, and since I was pretty young, didn't really understand. I thought they had way cooler looking stuff. :)
-
13
Paul Haggis vs. the Church of Scientology
by leavingwt inin the latest issue of the new yorker, paul haggis opens up about his split with the church of scientology.
it is a very lengthy article, and i've quoted some of it, below.
click the link at the bottom for the entire article.
-
-
joannadandy
really interesting read - I enjoyed it a lot.
-
111
The Watchtower Didn't Make Me An Atheist
by B_Deserter inive posted on this before, but i figured i should lay my thoughts out again on the subject.
there are some in the ex-jw community who are saddened because the watchtower organization has turned me and others like me off to god.
the watchtower attacks and debunks other religions on a regular basis, often giving us the sense that if the watchtower is wrong, then there cant be a god.
-
-
joannadandy
GREAT Post! I couldn't agree more, and honestly haven't seen it put quite so well before. Your experiences mirror my own on so many levels here. Thanks for sharing that!
-
43
Ugly cars!
by crapola ini have seen many ugly new cars.
what is the ugliest new car you have seen?
my pick would ne the nissan cube!
-
-
joannadandy
I always hated the weirdo Aztec...it looks like a doorstop, and yeah any of the square cars like the Honda Element or the Scion boxes are not my favorite.
-
32
New name for those who have left?
by dogisgod inhey guys, havent been here for a while but have you heard that the society is now calling those who leave "the walking dead"?
i just heard this acouple of days ago but since my mom died i don't have a direct conduit anymore.
sorry if this has already been discussed.
-
-
joannadandy
Actually if you think about it - it's an emotional image. I don't even think it's so much the pleasure at people's deaths (tho I suppose there are probably some people who would enjoy seeing people they don't like die.) But I really do think a lot of them are genuine in their desire to save people. So it's perfect from that standpoint. How better to energize your flock and get them out their guilting their family members who have left the truth -- scare them with the notion that their family members who no longer believe are going to die. It keeps the current rank and file in line and even gets them all jazzed up to "save" their loved ones...because the end is near....no really...this time it is...for reals!
-
17
Could I get some advice, please?
by vikesgirl101 insorry to make such a self-centered post (again), but you guys are the only ones who can help me.
so here is a rundown:.
i am a 33 divorcee with two girls ages 13 and 8. i am not df'd or da'd; just shunned (also reproved).
-
-
joannadandy
I am only guessing you are in Minnesota based on your screen name, and I swear I read somewhere else that you mentioned you're from MN...but I could be wrong...however if you are in MN you are in luck - you definately live in a state that will be your ally on the dead beat dad front. They will garnish wages on your behalf, and yes as someone pointed out earlier you can go to jail for not paying child support. I know because our deadbeat friend was behind on his and was facing jail time. Magically he was able to scrape the money together to avoid jail time, and hasn't been behind since. It's effective.
As some others have said, the law is on your side on this one - and it sounds to me more like bluster than anything else. If he was really concerned about abiding by the rules set-forth by the Watchtower society, he'd be going to meetings himself, and wanting his children there with him...instead he's complaining about shorts and a parade? He sounds misguided and like he is causing a fuss just to be having a fuss.
Best of luck, and yes as full-time guardian you can choose what is appropriate and not appropriate for your children.
-
57
To Fade or Not To Fade... An Opinion.....
by AllTimeJeff injust a couple of set of ground rules i would like to set for this.
frequently, one of two options for those who want to leave jw's are 1) a purposeful, public, resignation (or disassociation as jw's call it) vs 2) what is commonly called in the ex jw internet world, "the fade".
i know that emotions run deep on this subject for good reason, because of what is at stake, and all that is perceived to be lost.
-
-
joannadandy
I did the fade, I'm not about burning bridges and actually didn't/don't think of fading as losing yourself. They are the ones that make the rules about association and DF'ing and DA'ing. If I don't agree with their rules, why would I play by them?
Plus that makes it just too easy for them. Frankly, I like that when people I used to know get all squirmy and weird - their "bible trained concience" is going nuts trying to figure out what to do with me. When I left I made it very clear this was my choice (you can only fade so long before someone notices), and I understood that if my family wanted nothing to do with me because I was no longer going to go to meetings that I understood that, but I was never going to turn my back on them.
Fading if anything made it easier on my family I think. It makes it possible for us to still have a relationship. If I had left in a big bang boom flash and flurry - I doubt they'd feel they could keep in contact with me. I think my family views it as a loophole for them to stay in touch with me. In fact, a childhood friend of mine DA'd herself, my father lamented that choice, and was glad I didn't do that. In his own way - and in so many words - he said he wished people would just fade so it would be easier on families. (He didn't say fade, but the sentiment was there.)Now granted, my family pretty liberal in terms of their associations with me. I know it's not like that in everyone's situations. But I definately don't make it hard for them to talk to me. It's weird, but I feel more "me" now with them than I ever did as a JW. And I know they see that too. My parents are actually proud of me going my own way, and that I always was an individual and free-thinker. I didn't make it hard for them to stay in contact with me - and it has paid off in the end. (I know that's not true for everyone - but it worked for me).
Actually, my other childhood friend had an older sister - she DA'd herself. Her father literally came to her when she was makiing the fade out and said point blank, "Just don't write the letter." And she too has been able to maintain a relationship with them now, even tho she has nothing to do with the witnesses and has made it clear she never will. Again - her situation different than mine, but it worked for them too.
I think everyone has to make their own paths. There is no right way to leave, you can't write a guidebook for this. For you it sounds like fading compromised you too much. For me - fading liberated me...eventually...and made it possible for me to keep my family. It wasn't easy - but I'd do it all over again for the peace I have with them now.
-
9
What Do You Guys Think?
by jamiebowers ini've been df'd for 21 years, and other than the heartbreak of my mom shunning me and the sad stories i read here, i never thought the dirty rat bastard wb&ts could otherwise effect my life.
well, i was wrong!
my dear stepdaughter recently learned that her children's paternal grandfather has parents and siblings who are jws, some of whom were at my stepdaughter's baby shower this past saturday.
-
-
joannadandy
Yeah - I would like to echo Blondie's comments here -- reminders about sexual offenders are good - saying that just by keeping your kid out of a kingdom hall will keep them safe is simplistic and underestimation to say the least.
I don't think you need to freak out - you said your piece, and I think that's all you can do. It sounds like extended family anyway -- I doubt they will have much of a role in the kids life to begin with.
Just my thoughts.