I've been gaining some debating skills from some of our more colorful forum members, and I'd like a chance to try out some new tactics. And so, with that in mind, I bring you--
Cereal is bad!
1. It's named after the goddess Ceres, and is therefore pagan in origin. Pagan = Satan, and Satan = bad.
2. One of cereal's original great promoters, John Harvey Kellogg, promoted it for its supposed ability to reduce sex drive, which he thought very important--he believed you could literally die of masturbation (anecodal evidence would tend to discredit this supposition). Therefore he was stupid, and all his assertions were stupid. If it's stupid to say that cereal is good, it must be smart to say that cereal is bad.
3. Carbohydrates--the prime nutritional component of cereals--are bad, as proven by examining the anagrams of the word, such as "A Dreary Botch"--that pretty much says it all, no? If not, there are plenty more where that came from.
4. You can't really eat ceral without milk, and the natural state for an adult human is to be lactose-intollerant. You can't argue with nature, and cereal consumption is a perversion of nature!
5. Non-human primates do not eat cereal. There is nothing fundamentally special about humans in comparison to other primates. Therefore, we should not eat cereal.
6. This is the sixth item in a numbered list of reasons why cereal is bad: six is a number associated with the Beast and Satan. As shown above, Satan = bad. Ergo, cereal = bad.
Thank you for your time.