Posts by techdotcom

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

VoidEater, thanks for best response I've seen so far.

Some are. Some aren't. Not a one-size-fits-all world.

'There is no such thing as normal' is my equivelant

more than half of all marriages break up

Thought about making that point myself, the problem with anedoctol evidence is that is not evidence at all but a very limited sample and tends to be skewed

Polyamory did not work for me.

I've always been polyamorus, i just didn't cheat, lol, that seems to be as ingrained as sexual orientation is.

I have little time or energy to hop around or play within any particular rule set

I competely agree, we have no hard and fast rules, anything is permissable if discussed before hand and slips of judgement are understood to be just that, a mistake that should be discussed. The only real rule we have is the VETO right on anothers choice of partner. Bad idea to go there unless you have to but we have both invoked it at least once.

the only rule is to keep agreements clear and abide by them. There are no rules beyond what consenting adults consent to. Having agreements sets boundaries for physical and emotional safety; following those agreements allows trust.

This has so far been out modis operandi and has worked well for us.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

PS - the other intesting thing is that most people assume that all swingers have casual sex or sex outside of thier commited relationship at all. Some actually do what you describe and just flirt with others but have a rule not to go any farther. If fact all swinger types seem to have at least some rules for conduct and take them as seriuosly as more traditional couples take the rules that most of society is used to.

Palm - You got that right, be very sure and be very realistic as to what you expect, if you decide to do it. It introduces additional complications into your relationship and that will cause some stress no matter who you are.

Also the purpose of starting this thread is not to advocate the lifestyle but rather to share experience and get some additional perspective myself. Not only is it not for everyone but my wife and I know that we could not have attempted this earlier in our relationship. This has very much so been about our trust in eachother and a way of saying 'fuck you' to the repressive rules that not only the witnesses have but that many consider sacred just because enough people have decided that they are right. We will be setting back down from our current level of activity I'm sure at some point and have more of a traditional relationship but for now we are doing what we want to do and trying to learn from it and enjoy our life together for a change, something that being a witness and being around them made impossible.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Yeah PSacramento, that is exactly it. The 'open' part has to be intrinsic to everything or it won't work. Which also means having a good idea of the other persons feelings thru communication. As soon as you start either hiding or ignoring hurt feelings or discomfort then you start to create a stress that can and will be a problem. If your partner in life doesn't like it then you don' do it or you work out a compromise. That aspect of a marriage not only doesn't go away (the compromising) but it becomes even more important to be able to do so without resentment. Feelings still get hurt on occasion, and sometimes you will get angry about something, but that is going to happen anyway with or without the open sexual relationship. I do think it's likely that some have gotten into the 'lifestyle' thinking they were going to be better than petty jealousy or stress from it. My wife and I had a good long talk about what I thought we should expect from it and that just like everything else in life and marriage there will be issues to work out as we go.

I put the idea out there to her at one point, giving her the 'free pass' with a friend we had met at a party. She was estatic and so excited it was almost comical. He's still a good friend and she sees him every so often for some fun hot tub time and some spoiling.

To be honest the only sucky thing we have had to deal with is that I am an honest person and we don't really have any swinger friends per say. So while she has had quite a bit of affirmation and fun, I have as yet to get past making out with anyone but her. That has been frustrating as hell, to hear "Well you are a great guy but I just don't like getting in the middle of a marriage and causing problems." and variations of that same sentiment, including that they are looking for a commited sexual relationship only. So unless i want to be an ass and lie, I have to take the slow and easy route. But that is one of the potential downfalls of this, feeling neglected or left out. My wife does a pretty good job of making sure that doesn't happen. Also I have made some great women friends, something that would not have been feasible before.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Nothing missing in our marriage really. We went thru 10 years of hell with me being an unbeliever and staying together thru that. After that test we feel pretty industructible. My wife finally understands and trusts how much I love her and I saw her overcome the cult conditioning with that trust.

Our sex life is still good and that is not really the incentive either. Great sex was one main thing that kept our relationship viable when the religion was an issue. For us it's been about finding a new way to connect with people and I would agree that the key to an open relationship is being open. With eachother as well as in the sense of being available for an intimate relationship with others. No secrets but with respect for the others privacy as well. That being said, if it starts to be an issue we will stop and fall back to what we know best, each other. Although we tend to go out seperatly socially it's due to a lack of cheap babysitting. The one we use costs close to $100 if we stay out all evening and shut the bars down.

I've heard the non-specific stories of swinger/open couples tending to break up but I have yet to actually run into any of them myself. I've met a few since we started this and to be honest they have all been in a stable relationship for years. The only example like that I know of is with my sis in law who left her JW husband after having an affiar with an old high school boy friend who was in an open relationship. 1) She had been looking for a way out for years from her marriage. 2) her new guy and his wife were already having issues and did not have a trusting relationship to start with. I do see how this type of arrangment causes some additional stress, hell i feel pretty sorry for those who are single and dating. No matter how bad the date turns out I still have an awesome lady to return home to and the same for her. Getting to know someone, becoming intimate for the first time is akward and stressful and full of the insecurities we no long need to worry about with each other. The stresses of dating put some strain on us but like I said we have each other to fall back on and support one another. Plus it's been a really good distraction from the stresses of getting out the religion.

To those who don't like sharing....yeah I get ya, but just because you have a knee jerk reaction to something that does you no real harm, that does not mean you have to let it control you. Jealousy is about the insecurity/fear of being replaced. When toes get stepped on we talk about it. I'm not worried about that. If my marriage breaks up, it will because myself or my wife have decided to let that happen and not due to having a friend with benifits or two on the side.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the JW world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity? We've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

15

Quantum physics.... any good material to read?

by cyberjesus in

which books do you recommend on the subject?

special for beginners out of the wt asylum like me?.

techdotcom

Yes AND no :P

46

Have you ever had " a moment of clarity"?

by elderelite in

these moments are something that not eveyone has experianced, but if you have they are with you every day.

a true moment of clarity is not something you live once.

you live it every time you think of it.

techdotcom

I've had several, some kinda silly or funny but deep as well and some that were what you might expect.

1) Having my mother talk bad about a homeless person and calling them a 'wino' and me realizing and saying that there was no way to know what/who that person was and it wasn't right or fair to assume.

2) At much to young of an age being asked to choose what parent to live with. The early wakeup call about choice and responsibility shook me deeply and makes up a big part of what I am now.

3) First direct contact with a breast in a sexual manner....sigh....sorry but for me a deep and almost spiritual feeling.

4) Many small moments as a JW seeing things for what they were but trying to hold on to my honor and keep a promise I made to what I now believe is just a fantasy.

5) Seeing my wife come out of the religion and meeting the her I always suspected was in there, for real....and being totally blown away by how much I like and love her.

21

What would happen to a JW if they were prescribed medical marijuana?

by manicmama in

jw
friends

i was just looking at the news and this just popped into my head.

what if you had terminal cancer and were prescribed this by your physician?

you already have a terminal disease so the thing about destroying your "body as a temple" thing is a mute point.

techdotcom

The WT wouldn't dare to DF someone who was prescribed legal medical marijuana. They are up to their eyeballs in loser-lawsuits and selling off Brooklyn.

There's still plenty of precident for following federal guidlines when dealing with pot. Also they are, at the most basic level, not rational. Expecting them to take actions that make sense may be asking alot.

68

Aren't You Embarrassed That YOU Ever Believed Any Of The Watchtower Bullsh*t?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i do think about that and i realize that i should've gotten out sooner.

( i stayed in longer for various reasons).

but the last few years i knew it was bullsh*t!

techdotcom

Nah, but I am still embarrased by the goofy perm I got back in the 80's. Bad memory.....

17

The longest prayer ever done scenario

by asilentone in

what if a deaf brother sign the longest prayer ever recorded like one hour or two hours, do you think the audience will disappear before he signs amen?

.

techdotcom

I can remember a prayer when I was a kid that had people leaving before he was done. I don't know how long it was but it laster forever it seemed like.