Posts by techdotcom

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

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techdotcom

Hmm..been busy with our first Christmas so havn't had time to get on here and see what responses I'd gotten till now. Wow, what a negative reaction. I'm a bit suprised but I suppose I shouldn't be.

Ok Mrs. Jones if you insist, STFU. You offer no insight or meaningful thoughts for the thread, and the term troll has little to do with thread count, and much to do with posting inflamatory comments designed to start an argument or 'flame war', but you should be familiar with that term as well. But honestly judging from your comments I'm not suprised you don't understand that. I don't give a shit if you are a fan. You seem to have very poor reading/comprehension skills or you would have picked up on the purpose of the thread in the first place.

Once agian, I am not advocating the 'lifestyle', nor am I claiming that it is without risks or stresses.

I suppose you can take the judgmental person out of the JW religion but still have the judgemental attudude and lack of mental flexibility remain. The only thing you seem to want to do here is vent anger and disgust, and having been a JW I can certainly understand that. I simply wanted to discuss something interesting we have tried and get a feeling for how others see that and also to see how common it might be for someone coming out of a repressive religion to experiment with alternatives like swinging.

I wish all of you the best and sincerly hope that you find what you are needing outside of the religion at some point and are able to leave this excessive amount of negativity behind you. And once agian WOW, I guess I hit a nerve with the reaction I got here.

29

Is it possible for the WT society to ever convince us of true reform?

by james_woods in

jw
friends

i got to thinking about this and for me anyway, they would have to come clean on at least the following things:.

an honest retraction must be made on all the ridiculous chronology (of course including the false prophecies).

by this i mean, stop this psuedo numerology stuff of adding up this or that date, adding on x many years, etc.

techdotcom

It seems likey that a huge change in doctrine and becoming more transparent about their past would do little more than break it apart and create splinter groups based on parts or all of the old teachings. My guess is that due to fear of this happening that even an honest hearted one among them would not back such a plan. Anything is possible, but it seems unlikely.

5

Religion and Sex

by whereami in

jw
friends

this poor caller/christian had no chance.. .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo8eubj23dq.

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techdotcom

It would be interesting to study and research how past and current religions coop the sex drive as a means to further their goals, either for control or enticement. As a fundamental urge, and one that few people spend analyzing I can see where it could be an effective path to minipulation of a persons thought processes and actions.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

@james_woods,

Oh definatly not trying to advocate it. This is something very personal as a choice and should not be taken at the behest of someone else. I simply find the subject matter very interesting and was hoping for an honest an objective discussion about it. Most people are not, however, comfortable able discussing sex in general, let alone what they probably consider diviant in some way. I am also interested in exploring the bd/sm culture but not as a personal lifestlye choice per say.

If you will read carefully, I never say someone else should be doing this. Rather I just won't sit by idley if they make unsupported, critical statements that seem based on misconceptions and prejudice. I have had quite a few different discussions with others that boiled down to the assertion by them that swinging will wreck our marriage. Often due to some story they heard or someone they knew who experimented with it, then broke up with thier marriage partner. However when pressed for details, no one seems to know much about the couples actual relationship and cannot seem to establish a causual relationship with swinging and divorce, even in the small sample they had. In fact if looked at objectively most of the couples that got married as I grew up are divorced and still single or married for the nth time agian. None of whom were swingers. Should I conclude that not swinging leads to divorce?

So far, when looked at objectivley, swinging seems to have anywhere from a small positive effect to a large positive effect on marriage in general, not the other way around.

But like I said I was not trying to start a discussion on the merits of swinging as a lifestyle choice but rather simply gather information and share my experience. But I'm always up for a good debate. :)

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

@james_woods,

Here is the initial post quoted:

Has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the JW world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity? We've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

I am not "advocating" an open life style. I was sympley mining the forum for any similar experiences and thoughts, especially in the context of previouly belonging to a fundamentilist high control religion (cult). Others turned the discussion into a debate as to the merits of the lifestyle by expressing thier pejudiced views and annectodatal negative stories, rather than personal experience.

I also never stated that I had no outside relationships. They are just not sexual as yet. It would seem my choice in women as friends tends to exclude those who are comfortable with being physically intimate with a married man. I do have prospects for that, but the ones I know live quite a distance away. I have been meeting more people locally and a couple of those seem promising. I don't expect to jump into bed with just any woman I meet and honestly don't feel the need. My frustration has come from not at this time finding available partners whom I would actually care about and want to be intimate with. I have made several very close friends who are women and I enjoy thier company quite a lot. My wife does take care of my sexual needs very well (we are doing very well with that part of our relationship actually), so I'm not in a perpetual state of sexual frustration. I just really like the closness and connection you can have with sex with a good friend and am still new to finding ways to make that work for me and them. Others do things differently, sometimes more casually, and it works fine for them.

The reality is that men are far more accepting of sex outside of a non-commital arrangement then women are. I don't troll bars for easy tail and don't intend on starting that. I have been enjoying my experiences and simply was trying to be 'open' about a down side, not trying to complain or express unhappiness with my choices.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

@Found Sheep

I totally agree. To me sin is inherently any activity that harms another uncecessarily all others are invented nonsense. I kind of borrowed that from an author but I agree with the thought behind it.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

@bigmac, rofl

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Finally-Free

Personally I don't give a crap about what people do or don't do in their own bedrooms, as long as it involves only consenting adults that understand and accept any and all possible consequences.

I totally agree with your non judgmental attidue, however I do find it interesting what people get up to in their bedrooms. Mostly because it is a good thing to understand more of something that all people seem to have rather strong feelings about and is a part of almost everyones life. That is a primary reason for starting this thread to explore that exact topic.

As far as understaning any and all possible consequences, that sadly, is never possible. However a person can choose to learn as much as they can so they are able to make the best choice possible for themselves. The important part in my opinion is that they are consenting and informed, this allows a much better chance of overcoming the difficulties that any relationship faces with time.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

"Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking; where it is absent, discussion is apt to become worse than useless."
- Leo Tolstoy

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Mrs. Peck

You know, people are too busy nowadays trying to "normalize" the abnormal in order to justify their behavior and somehow make it OK. I'm sorry but swinging is not a normal part of a marriage.

True, in that society has set up a system of rules and standards that reinforce the idea of monogamy. But here is the thing. Most of the reseach I have done so far points to that being artificial and not a 'natural' arrangment when people are left to thier own devices. Historically, even in the bible, different types of polygomy are practiced quite often and would seem quite normal to those people. The previously cited research actually touches on this briefly but I don't have the reference to site at the moment. Where is your support for your argument that my life style is somehow harmfull to marriage? The material I have found, the swingers that I have talked to, and I, after my limited experience, would disagree with you.

I'm sorry but I will never see this as normal marital behavior.

While you can choose to believe whatever you want, why not actually explore an issue to discover if there is any real merit to what you think.

You can get mad if you want, but I think that again goes along with the insecurity one would feel about their actions.

I prefer to think of myself as passionate, and yes I will be honest, I harbour reservations and insecurities. To not do so would be to assume that I am always right and that would be far more dangerous to my marriage and life.

Sticking to a prejudiced and ignorant path intentionally is harmfull to yourself and those around you. While I would never suggest swinging as a viable lifestyle for all, it would seem that most still want to simply make assumptions about what is right/wrong normal/abnormal without even considering that they might just be making it all up. Didn't you have enough of that as a witness?