Hi Susan.
You're right; most of us ex-JWs don't understand how the Mormon church works. I was just commenting on how he talked about his grief over his loss--he wasn't able to participate in the church (he said just sitting in the pew wasn't enough for him). What I thought was awful was that he felt forced to lie to his bishop about being "cured" of his sexual orientation--something almost everyone agrees is impossible. That lie just caused him more guilt and pain. He lost his faith in the church at the end (but not his faith in god). On the other hand, the Mormons were much more tolerant than JWs would *ever* be. His family was accepted and supported, and because of the last-minute decision not to excommunicate him, he was able to speak at the going-away services for his son (who left on a mission three weeks before his father died).
As for shunning, I don't agree. I had a good friend who was Mormon and lived in a small town in Utah. She "fell away" (I'm using JW speak here). That is, she just stopped going to temple. The result? She was shunned by the whole town. None of the Mormon children in the town would play with her sons. The shunning was so bad that she moved away, to Colorado, where I met her in the mid-80s. Her experience with the LDS church mirrored my own with the JWs. I, too, "fell away." (I was never DFed or DAed.) Several of my immediate family members shun me. So many rumors (all untrue) have circulated about me (the latest is that I'm physically violent when the JWs come to my door LOL) that many of the JWs in my hometown are wary and scared of me. So I think, in this respect, the Mormons are very much like the JWs. Maybe they don't atively shun people who are disfellowshipped, but they certainly do shun people when it suits them.
I can certainly understand that the church would feel he needed discipline for his infidelity, but to punish him because of his sexual orientation (something over which he had no control) is very unloving, in my opinion. No one should be forced to lie about who he/she is. I know of several gay JWs who have lived a lie their entire lives. Both are absolutely miserable. I can understand that the JWs would force them to remain celebate, but they should be able to openly acknowledge thier homosexuality without fear of condemnation.
Amazing, I'm glad you were able to overcome your feelings toward homosexuals. I've had a number of gay friends, and after seeing the pain they've gone through, I strongly believe that being gay is NOT a choice and that no one would ever willingly choose such a difficult path (especially a JW!). I'm not pro-gay, I just think gay people are like anyone else and should be treated accordingly. I, too, am an avowed heterosexual, much to Alan's relief. :-)))
Waiting, I mostly agree with you. His own actions certainly resulted in his contracting AIDS and dying, but I don't think he's responsible for being gay. That was NOT his choice. He tried very hard NOT to be gay. And the church is guilty of not allowing him to be openly gay in the first place and forcing him to try to live a life as a heterosexual. (Mormons get married young like JWs do and are encouraged to have as many children as possible; imagine the pressure that would put on a gay man.) That's tragic for the wife. I can't imagine being in that position. His wife is truly an amazing person. Not only did she forgive her husband for his infidelity and for giving her a terminal disease, but she continued to love him and took care of him until he died. Not many people could be that forgiving or show that much love.
Julie
