what did you do with all your suits and clothes you had when you were a j.w?
do you still wear them?
edited by - jh on 12 december 2002 16:22:39.
My dresses probably weren't that appropriate to wear to the hall but since I had to wear a dress I bought ones that I really liked. Now they mainly just hang in my clost because they are too dressy to wear to work or church for that matter. I had a " Murder Mystery Dinner Party " at my house a few weeks ago and the women that were invited dug through my closet and we all got very glamourous and dressed up!! It was so much fun.
jurs
it may be a little early for this, but i am kind of new to all these things.......... so what are your new year's resolutions??
here are mine: get fit, get organized, and to see some of my life goals acheived this year.
last year i dedicated the year to having some fun, giving myself time off since just leaving the borg.it was all good , but now i am ready to not just work on clearing my mind, but healing my body as well.
I need to get more orgaized and I want to quit hitting the snooze button on my alarm!!!!!!
jurs
well i've been here a year today.
just a note to all the great people i have met here and have yet to meet in person.
i remember the day i found this site.
Valis,
Happy anniversary!!!!
I always enjoy your posts.
jurs
i have three living children.
one i gave up for adoption, so i never hear from him.
my only daughter doesn't speak to me because she hated being a jw and hated me for forcing it on her.
Windchaser,
Your post tugged at my heart and hit home. I have had an on again off again relationship with my mom for the past 13 years. I haven't talked to her for a year.
She was very mean and would say such cruel things. She once told me I was so ugly I had worms crawling out of me. That was typical. EVERYDAY was hell. She was abused as a child and had mental issues as well. She olny seems to know how to hurt people.
With that being said, I could forgive her in a heartbeat if she would have said to me what you had wrote. I believe you had admitted that you hadn't been the best mother. You acknowledged that!!
Have you ever tried to write or call your daughter and tell her your sorry. That you know you hurt her and that you weren't the mother she needed you to be. Acknowledging hurt and apologizing can be a beginning step. You may need and want love from your daughter but you have to be a parent and give it first, with the risk that it may not be returned. I bet your daughter is hurting too.
I'm now a mom. I have 2 daughters. 12 and 13. I haven't been the perfect mom. I became a JW and therfore there went holidays and worldly association. I feel guily about taking away special childhood moments. I've told them I'm sorry. I think saying sorry and listening , really listening and acknowledging someone elses hurt can heal any relationship.
I hope things work out with your daughter and yourself. Someone said that there is nothing greater than the love of your child. I dissagree, the love you give of yourself to your child is greater.
jurs
how does one recover from being shunned?
my family is shunning me.
so is everyone i grew up with since i was raised in the borg.
Elsewhere,
When I see members of the congregation I now smile and say hi. If opportunity is there I now try and talk to them . I do this because they are shunning me to make me ashamed and I want to send a clear message I'm not ashamed. It also then puts the discomfort on the other foot . They have to shun me. Thats not easy or fun for most to do. Perhaps it will cause THEM to be ashamed.
As far as family is concerned , now that is a different matter. That hurts. I recommend avoiding situations where you are setting yourself up to be hurt. I wouldn't call or write. If you have situations like funerals where therre is no avoiding the situation I would then make a point to say hello because your going to feel that hurt no matter what, at least you will know that you didn't act ashamed or guilty.
Time does heal and even though its family, you can get over this. Counseling does help. It doesn't have to be an expert in JW's . Are you married? Do you have kids? Focus on them. Make non JW friends and allow those friendships to replace that hole.
Of course , I think that HERE, this forum, is especially helpful. Because everyone here understands the JW world and the pain it can cause.
Hugs to you
jurs
do you know people in your congregation, who seem so strong spiritually, that it seems impossible for them to quit or even slow down?
i've seen many come and go, but some are like pillars, and nothing seems to slow them down.
often i wonder, who will be next to get df'd or who will slow down next.
I know of 2 people who were once pillars of the congregation and no longer are. I heard that one , who was a pioneer sister ,married to an elder was DF'd. She and her husband use to serve where the need was great and were the golden couple. I'm not sure why she was DF'd but I guess it shocked alot of people. The next pillars were an older couple . He was an elder as well as a pioneer. They were having problems with some of the other elders in this congregation and either he stepped down or they asked him to. It was announced and shortly afterwards they started to go to another congregation. I later heard they weren't going at all.
So it does happen.
jurs
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please take note.. when i first started studying with jehovahs witnesses ,over a period they lead you to beleive that your family are serving satan ,therfore hidden pressure is put upon you to ditch your family ,if your weak you will do as you are told but as allways they make you think your doing it for god,its so they can start to control you slowly ,your familys gone your old friends are gone you have nothing else be warned then comes the reliance upon every single word the elders say to you hypnotismn comes allso through the literature ,.
i kept my family at a distance i never allowed man to dictate ,pluss i had no opposition from my family in times of need i was there to support my greater family and now i still have them if needed why make yourself miserable.. thank god i never bowed to the presure of relinquishing my family ties
No, I was never pressured or encouraged to give up my fleshly family but I saw others who did. Maybe it was because my fleshly family lived 800 miles away and I wasn't closely connected with them anyway.
One thing that stands out in my mind in reguards to this subject is how so many witnesses made a point to go to meetings and out in service when their family from out of town came to visit. I knew of seversl situations where a sister would miss occasional meeting to go ride horses but made a big production about how she wouldn't miss a meeting when her husbands mother came to visit. I knew another sister who went out in service generally on just Saturdays, but when her or her husbands fleshly family came to visit she would be out and brag about how she was out even though she had company!!!!
jurs
tell me how a person could walk out of 23yrs of marriage and not think twice of family and grand kids, i left 5 years ago raised in it, abused, and molested in it me and my sisters for 18 years.
i stood up a year ago and told mario moreno and bob johnson its a crock a year ago this month, trust me.
thank god for barb, bill, and alan f they are good friends i was suppose to go with barb and joe to flordia this month but my wife thru a wrench in things, she told my 2 sons and dauhter she is going to have to quite associatng with them also cause they are apostate also.
I'm sorry Rowdy. How sad! We're here for you.
jurs
december used to be the worst month of the year for me.
i still remember making a santa out of a toilet paper roll, red crepe paper and some cotton in one of my first years of school.
when i brought it home, knowing it probably wasnt right, the parents reaction convinced me i was a real sinner.
NancyK,
WELCOME!!!!!! I understand how you feel. I appreciated your post. My kids missed out on holidays and I feel so much guilt!!! I remember getting very upset with my youngest for drawing pumpkins and one time ( that I know of ) she ate birthday cake! I had her pray and tell Jehovah she was sorry. Ugggggggggggg jurs
december used to be the worst month of the year for me.
i still remember making a santa out of a toilet paper roll, red crepe paper and some cotton in one of my first years of school.
when i brought it home, knowing it probably wasnt right, the parents reaction convinced me i was a real sinner.
I wasn't a JW when I was a kid but I can imagine the stress. As an adult it was hard!!!!! I loved December and dreaded it at the same time. Now that I'm out I believe I enjoy it more than most people do. I bought Xmas sweaters , vests and earrings. Yesterday, I was all dressed up with all my Christmas garb and I ran into some witnessess from my old hall !!!!!! jurs
