I lost my father at the age of 8, I was too entrenched in the "truth" that i barely grieved. I actually thought I would see him again SOON. 12 years later, I have a new viewpoint of where we end up and that we're never coming back. The way I was raised discombobulated my youth and distorted a lot of things, I missed my father, but I never properly grieved the loss. Thankfully his funeral was "secular", as he was agnostic. I did have to deal with the disgrace of a "Fune-mercial" for the WT. I lost my grandmother at 14, and pretty much the same happened, just she was a Catholic. So I was barred from attending the funeral.
pubtruth
JoinedPosts by pubtruth
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7
Loosing loved ones to death while still a witness
by man in black injust wondering,,, have any of you lost family members or friends to death while you were still a jw ?.
if so, how did you feel about it while still a witness, and perhaps how did your viewpoint change after leaving, thinking that soon everything .
you were taught about the "coming new order" would become reality ?.
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I'm out officially (to them)
by pubtruth intonight i'm officially no longer an unbaptized publisher after two months of no reports.
the zealous elder i have mentioned before got an earful of my thoughts and jumped on me with the guilting and about 2 hrs of studying 607 + blood.
i admitted researching and he had told me how you guys are no more than 100 resentful, lifeless, disfellowshipped people just hating on them.
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pubtruth
If they do come here, they're aware of the truth. It's a spanish congregation and all authority in there has no grasp of the english language. I'm out and they cannot do anything either way. jj123jj123 I was born in, family are 2nd generation witnesses, and there was a great deal of pressure for me to study as my brothers didn't fall for it. I went on to believe it for some time. But my personal circumstances made me doubt along with a myriad of other inconsistencies. I pushed it for so long to please my mother, family, and friendships I cultivated. I stopped pleasing others, I had forgotten about myself.
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I'm out officially (to them)
by pubtruth intonight i'm officially no longer an unbaptized publisher after two months of no reports.
the zealous elder i have mentioned before got an earful of my thoughts and jumped on me with the guilting and about 2 hrs of studying 607 + blood.
i admitted researching and he had told me how you guys are no more than 100 resentful, lifeless, disfellowshipped people just hating on them.
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pubtruth
Tonight I'm officially no longer an unbaptized publisher after two months of no reports. The zealous elder I have mentioned before got an earful of my thoughts and jumped on me with the guilting and about 2 hrs of studying 607 + Blood. I admitted researching and he had told me how you guys are no more than 100 resentful, lifeless, disfellowshipped people just hating on them. I attempted to not roll my eyes and bit my tongue. I endured those two hours just to convince myself even more how they are nothing more than just a horrible lie, and a joke of a religion. I'm unbound by their rules officially to them. Now I must tell this elder who isn't in my now previous congregation that I'm officially done. He was hoping to get me to go with him out in service with a nearby congo full of youth to stimulate me I tried to push away, and he would come over again to set a time. But I bet news will get to him as he has relatives in my cong. Hoping the news makes it before he stops by. I tend to lash out with honesty, he's a good friend, and it will be a big blow for him.
Reportedly some sisters almost cried with the news, I wasn't baptized to begin with, I wouldn't be "saved"...
(additionally I've revealed myself in my avatar, it's not of importance if they discover me, they wouldn't dare to step here.)
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Saturdays piss me off...
by pubtruth inthanks to the watchtower... i have to deal with mother preparing herself for hall each and every saturday.
she makes it so blatantly obvious, and tends to put me down, on a sort of guilt trip.
even though she disagrees with certain doctrine she still holds on tight.... during the week she hums kingdom melodies.. only when i'm around... i need a damn job so i can move... just a small rant..
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pubtruth
Thanks to the Watchtower..
I have to deal with mother preparing herself for hall each and every Saturday. She makes it so blatantly obvious, and tends to put me down, on a sort of guilt trip. Even though she disagrees with certain doctrine she still holds on tight...
During the week she hums kingdom melodies.. only when I'm around..
I need a damn job so I can move..
Just a small rant.
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Elders came to visit...
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pubtruth
btt
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Elders came to visit...
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pubtruth
Thanks for all the feedback, I'm currently reading Crisis of Conscience, I've heard the abbreviated audio book CCMC, but Im going to read the whole thing after I'm done with CoC.
Heres something very interesting, she got up to go out in service this morning but felt instantly very nervous and queasy and wound up not going. She told me about this a while ago, and we talked a bit and she told me how she wants me to go to the meetings. I tell her, the org is not God, God is in our hearts, we dont need men telling us what to do. She kept defending her stance of how it's the closest thing, even a guy from NASA became a JW () "Where did you hear that?" "IDK somewhere" "Right. You cant beleive everything they tell you." Anyway. She said how I should be in company, even though what they say I cannot agree with. (Pointing out the fact that ever since I've been closed off since I only used to go out with JWs, now no one, even though Im trying to plan something with my "worldly" friends) "Sorry. but I can't agree with it, I can't be lied to. Salvation doesn't depend on the Watchtower!" "I know it doesn't. Who said it depended on them?" (WAIT WHAT?! ) "The same litearture you own, if you're not a Jehovah's Witness, you won't be saved" "No, at least I don't think of it that way! Your grandma said, 'You never know who really makes it, maybe that guy up in the mountains who only tends his farm and has never heard of a bible will be saved'" As things progress I see her as a continually liberal witness. She just discredited the society as the means of salvation! Ive showed her my research in the past. Could this possibly be cognitive dissonance.. I sure hope so...! I almost jumped of joy!
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Elders came to visit...
by pubtruth in[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng /> </o:officedocumentsettings> </xml><!
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pubtruth
An update
I havent answered any calls from them. My mother went to hall today and said what I told her to tell the elders "I don't want them to visit me again, I dont want to talk to them" Elders simply said "Well. Not much we can do about that. Maybe he'll react in time.." I already have, reacted to the lie I've been living in for nearly 21 years of life. The letter I have decided to keep mines forever, I concluded it will be of no use.
Here's a tidbit of what happened on Friday with her.. She came into my room and said somethingn along the lines of "I'm alone." I said "No you're not, you have me, you have my brothers, you have a family." "Will you pass?" "Pass where?" "To Paradise?" I lost it at "Paradise".. Being an impulsive individual, knowing all the lies, I jerked away "Go away, now. GO!".. She left murmuring something. She came later telling me dinner was ready.. "What's the point? I'm going to die right? Better starve myself." (I didnt actually mean this, I did it just to try and get her to react) She tilted her head. Getting sad. "Mom, you don't tell a son that sort of thing. You don't know if you yourself will pass either, or if it just won't happen! NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN! No one knows the future, you're blindly following 7 men's dictations!" She came and hugged me "Sorry I won't"... I need all the help I can get with getting her out. It's like she realizes, but knows of no place to go.
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Imagine this!
by pubtruth injust thought about how jws say kingdom halls will pass onto "paradise".. right theres a wee problem.. everything but "jehovah's people" and houses will be destroyed.
there would be no power plants.
kingdom halls, most of them are windowless.
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pubtruth
Just thought about how JWs say Kingdom Halls will pass onto "Paradise".. Right theres a wee problem.. Everything but "Jehovah's people" and houses will be destroyed. There would be no power plants. Kingdom Halls, most of them are windowless. Better start drilling some breathing holes!
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I Did a Stupid Thing Recently
by 30 years out infacebook has been a valuable tool for finding old friends and catching up on years lost making a living and pursuing our own visions of happiness.
in one of my less inspired moments i decided to look up an old witness friend and roommate from my days in the church.
he had never impressed me as being particularly strong in the faith so i was truly interested to find out what he had been up to for nearly 30 years and if he was still "in".. i located him through his sister's fb page and sent a message to his account stating who i was and that i would be very interested in hearing from him and catching up.
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pubtruth
He probably just blocked you actually. When someone blocks you, facebook removes every single reference of the person for you like if he had deleted their profile. It has happened to like 4 of my witless "friends". Found out their pages were still active looking them up on a friends account.
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Elders came to visit...
by pubtruth in[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng /> </o:officedocumentsettings> </xml><!
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pubtruth
I shall look into that movie, skeeter1
I dont feel like talking to anyone anymore, but if I feel so inclined, I will do just that, speak to ONLY ONE elder. I was called a few hours ago by one of the elders who visited, I didnt answer, he rang again, did the same. I checked the voicemail and he "wanted to ask a question" I poured my thoughts onto a 4 page letter, which goes from when i first gleam of doubt when i saw how my mother was being treated when she was DF'd for smoking. all the way down to my research, down to no longer desiring to be a publisher, no more contact unless it's completely unrelated to religion. I'm keeping the letter for sometime to prevent it from being an thing of impulse, made a copy, and sealed the original in an envelope. I'm probably never going to share it, but I feel better already just writing my angst down. I researched the JWs up and down, I've been undercover for years, I've dealt with JC's w/ my mom, very nasty and untheocratic. They can't change my mind, the evidence is overwhelming.
moshe: I feel on the outer flanks of agnosticism, im almost at atheism.