Posts by VampireDCLXV

39

For exJW Singles - Would You Consider Dating/Marrying Another ExJW?

by Broken Promises in

do you consider being an exjw a hindrance to dating?

for example, do you find it difficult to bring up in conversation, lest you get stared at as if you have 2 heads or something?

or you might find it difficult to explain why you've had little sexual experience in the past?.

VampireDCLXV

I would like to amend my previous post...

I'd have to say that, YES, being an X is a bit of a hindrance to dating at this time, especially when it comes to non-JWs. As I said before, I would need the other party to be very understanding and tolerant of my background, especially since I have family whom I could never see leaving the bOrg. I also have my personal hang-ups when it comes to celebrating holidays and the like. It isn't that I feel any personal guilt over any of that, I just don't see the fun in it. The family strife that would result over the holiday thing could become a serious issue as well. There are wordlies out there, though, who bear their own scars when it comes to holidays too, I'm sure. Yes, XJWs don't have the market cornered when it comes to being "screwed up".

When it comes to dating another XJW, especially a fader, I'm willing help her during moments of weakness. I can understand the fears and paranoias of being out in public and being seen by the "spies" even though I personally am becoming less and less bothered by it as time goes by. I do understand the concept of discretion - and hey - keeping some secrets can be fun. One thing I would need is for her to clearly see herself as an XJW and not confused as to whether she might return someday. I'll concede that dating an XJW does have an element of risk. The day that someone goes back to being a full-fledged JW is the day I walk out as I simply wouldn't be able to bear it. As I said, I wouldn't mind helping her through the occasional hang-up but watching her return to the vomit would be more than I could really stand...

V665 V665

142

Undercover Brother Campaign- have you received your invite?

by stuckinamovement in

jw
friends

without specifics being mentioned as to what it is......(to avoid tipping off certain lurkers).. how many people know about the upcoming summer long campaign?

please use this thread to confirm receipt of your campaign invitation.

take care.

VampireDCLXV

Inquiring vampires want to know...

V665 V665

58

WHO SURVIVED...."75"..?

by OUTLAW in

who survived..."1975"...,i`m just curious,how many of us,are there?those of us that lived though this,will know what i mean.

VampireDCLXV

I was jusy 3 years old so I don't remember a damn thing. I'm not certain that my mom understood anything about that nonsense since she was just studying at the time and didn't speak a word of english either...

V665 V665

76

Mr. Snowbird and I Are Reconciling

by snowbird in

jw
friends

we've agreed to compromise on our differences and support each other through the years we have left.. i'm seeing a psychiatrist today to deal with my difficulties that stem from a traumatic and tumultuous childhood.. he is willing to yield in his beliefs that a man should control everything and make all the decisions.. being a stubborn jamaican, i realize how hard that is for him.. we're going to renovate the house so that he has his own quarters.. that way, my boisterous g'kids won't work his nerves too badly.. just wanted to put it out there.. syl.

VampireDCLXV

I hope the best for you, Snowy.

V665 V665

40

FADERS: How determined are you?

by VampireDCLXV in

jw
friends

after being here on jwn for a while, one does see a spectrum of sorts.

there are people here in various stages of their exit from their lives as jws.

some are full fledged kh and fs attendees whom we call "the conscious class".

VampireDCLXV

Wow. Excellent, sincere answers so far. I may have hit a nerve here...

I admit that I was a bit tired when I wrote the OP but I'll still stand behind it. There are those of the conscious class who are determined to never go back if and when they find the right opportunity to leave the JWs and then there are those who have been out for years who still miss old friends to the point of being willing to consider going back. There are differing circumstances and different emotional makeup of individuals that do come into play.

There are a couple of other questions that i forgot to pose in the OP:

If, through unforeseen circumstances, there was a risk of DF that would result in a choice between your freedom and your friends/family, would you "return to the fold" to appease them?

If congregation or family was harassing you to the point of it driving you mad, would you consider DA to save your sanity?

(As much as it would hurt me to lose family, I would be willing to risk either the above if it was a choice between freedom or family. For me, there are no friends that I would miss at all.)

Without further ado, I'll respond to the posts so far:

@Girlie:
I'm so sorry that attachments to old friends and self doubt still haunt you but I'm glad that you're not even considering the thought of going back. Your own well being is paramount...

@agent zero:
Your assertion that my questions might only apply to those who have completely left are interesting but there are always notable exceptions like I had stated above. I'm glad that you have freed yourself mentally at least...

@jworld:
Yes, it's true; leaving behind any former way of life is a journey that usually never really ends. I will concede that people can only go along the path to leaving at their own pace and will make the mental leaps along the way only when they are ready to BUT we see individuals here who know that staying in is hazardous to them but remain stuck anyway. Life takes courage to live and I'm slowly learning that for myself.

@Broken Promises:
I'm happy for your relative success when it comes to fading, my dear friend. It seems the you have obtained the prize that most faders seek: being no part of the JWs anymore but still having good relations with JW family. You're continued presence here is inspiring.

@Rocky_Girl:
I'm happy for you as well that you're firm on never going back. Extended family can only mean so much as it's close family that almost always hurts the most to lose...

@Joliette:
I'm glad that you see the light. JWs are not true friends at all. Their so-called "love" for you is almost entirely conditional.

@RagingBull:
It's wonderful to see individuals like you who, though still inside, are mentally free. I wish you the best of luck when you finally do make your way out the door.

@Quirky1:
Your sincerity here is refreshing. Despite your marriage to a still faithful JW, I'm glad that your marriage continues to survive. I'm glad, that like so many others, the JW religion is in your rearview...

@darthfader:
It's encouraging to see long term faders like yourself continuing to post here. Admittedly the whole point of fading is that we have family in and that doesn't allow for 100% freedom from the bOrg, but it allows for freedom from the guilt. I wish you continued good luck when it comes to avoiding a DF...

@unshackled:
You made a very good choice in a username seeing that you are indeed free to live life on your own terms. I wish that I could rewrite the OP a bit to reflect that it isn't the point of fading to cut yourself off from family. We simply refuse to go back inside the prison to appease family...

@clearpoison:
I agree with you about the JW doctrines not really mattering to me, to a point. We still have to acknowledge the emotional and physical harms that growing up among JWs do to people though...

@zoiks:
I'm very happy for you that you were able to get your wife and kids out of the bOrg and still keep your family strong. You are in an enviable position. It's nice that you are free enough to never consider the thought of going back to your old life.

In all, it's wonderful to see people here who have freed themselves from the guilt and the mental manipulations of JW family, JW congregations and the GB in Brooklyn who seeks to rule us all with an iron hand!

V665 V665

12

They'll Never Get It

by cherrypye in

after listening to my family members go on and on about the new light regarding the generation, coming home from the convention all ramped out because "the end is so close you can feel it, it's just around the corner", i finally realized it.. they'll never see it for what it is.

even if the organization goes down, they'll sink with that ship.

there is not a rational person that could swallow the new generation overlap teaching and really believe it.

VampireDCLXV

I have family in and yes, I've pretty much left the JWs behind, myself. I've only played the depression card with them as I think it's useless to try and discuss issues of doctrine with them. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that they'll probably never have doubts strong enough to convince them to question things in the slightest... *sigh*

V665 V665

40

FADERS: How determined are you?

by VampireDCLXV in

jw
friends

after being here on jwn for a while, one does see a spectrum of sorts.

there are people here in various stages of their exit from their lives as jws.

some are full fledged kh and fs attendees whom we call "the conscious class".

VampireDCLXV

After being here on JWN for a while, one does see a spectrum of sorts. There are people here in various stages of their exit from their lives as JWs. Some are full fledged KH and FS attendees whom we call "the conscious class". There are those who are just beginning their fade and are in the process of cutting back on "privileges" and meeting attendance. There are some who hardly attend anything anymore. And there are those who are completely out with no intention of going back to a KH for any reason whatsoever.

Despite all this, there are also varying levels of mental commitment to the bOrg. Some people still have doubts as to whether they've really done the right thing in leaving the bOrg while others cannot stand the thought of ever returning.

So I ask you faders: how determined are you to never return to life as a JW?

Do you still miss old JW "friends"?

Do you miss the company of JW relatives?

Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?

Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?

Lingering doubts might be sabotaging you. The sooner you shed your doubts about yourself and the reasons your leaving, the sooner you can heal.

So I ask faders here again: how far along are you in your exit and are you doubting yourself?

Please post your thoughts and feelings here. Those among us who have left and are never going back are here to support you.

V665 V665

13

I DONT want their help! :D

by TimothyT in

hello people,.

despite the advice given here, i thought it only fair to tell the elders that are calling me to 'help me' with my sexuality, that i dont want their help!

yesterday one called.. he told me that he and another elder would like to speak with me to find out what the situation is.

VampireDCLXV

Well done, TT! Don't give in to them and don't acknowledge their authority in any way. Stay in control of the game and keep doing things on your terms, not theirs!

V665 V665

91