Thanks tba. I did wonder about our being watched at xmas. :( just really want to be left without the fuss, its so wrong !
Posts by bez
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29and so it begins... what next?
by bez inmy husband had another 'phone call' last night from the congregation po... the conversation went something like this..... po " i do not want to put words into your mouth but are you saying you no longer want to be recognised as a jw?".
hubby " i am not making that statement no... cut to the chase what are you getting at".
po " i have been informed you celebrated (child) birthday".
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29
and so it begins... what next?
by bez inmy husband had another 'phone call' last night from the congregation po... the conversation went something like this..... po " i do not want to put words into your mouth but are you saying you no longer want to be recognised as a jw?".
hubby " i am not making that statement no... cut to the chase what are you getting at".
po " i have been informed you celebrated (child) birthday".
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bez
My husband had another 'phone call' last night from the congregation po... the conversation went something like this....
po " i do not want to put words into your mouth but are you saying you no longer want to be recognised as a jw?"
hubby " I am not making that statement no... cut to the chase what are you getting at"
po " I have been informed you celebrated (child) birthday"
hubby " I wouldnt call it that, we just simply recognised she was a year older"
po " And you are goin to celebrate xmas..."
To which my husband questioned where he got his info from.. turns out my mother (who i may add has not spoken to us about it at all, and jsut chosen to run straight to him and inform him of our new life.
The po acknowledged we had been having doubts and said that bascially by researching anything other than the publications while having doubts was looking at apostate teaching and would therfore mean we were apostate. He reasoned that (as hubby had told him that some in the cong already with the exception of a couple had not spoken to us for months) that these ones would probably have taken this stand becuase of some of our 'apostate' ideas.
To cut the long story short, he ended by saying that there was nothing more to be said .. and an abrupt goodbye.
I rang my mother straight after and she said admitted to speaking with him, I asked her if she wanted me df'd so it would give her her excuse not to talk to me again (As she has never really had a close bond with me anyway). She said no she would have hoped it would bring me to my senses. I told her that it had not worked and we would not be df'd. She said she did not want anything to do with us anyway and she had made that decison last week, as our lives are no longer in harmony with what we were brought up to believe and dedicated our lives to! But she still wants to see her grandkids!!!! WTF!
So i am thinking now what is gonna happen next. I have read on here experiences of ones who have been d'fd without even having a jc!! Could this happen to us.. on the basis of a 'bad or brazen attitude'? I know that is a reason for d'fing as my father was not df'd for the offense, he was actually df'd for his attitude, as he dared to question some of the crazy random differences with one congregation to another.
As my hub did not clarify that that is what we were saying (about no longer being recognised as jws, as he was obviously doing so he could get in the announcement at the kh) I wondered if he could now df us anyway? Anyone any ideas at all?
You may wonder why i am even bothered, but i do stil have my best freind who is a jw, and has remained neuteral to my deicison to leave, but had i have been df'd it, she knows it would make it awkward for her and she obvioulsy would not be able to have contact with me (mainly for fear of what her family who are in the 'truf' would say. And of course any repercussions that her associating with a df'd person would have on her).
Just wondering if this can be done without a jc.. what next? will we be left alone now?
BEZ
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
Thanks everyone so much for your advice, and i like the ideal of just relaxing and not stressing too much about it.
If being shunned was easy, the Watchtoer wouldn't use it.
Excellent quote JB!
And thanks the nobleledge again. I have been similar to how you explained you were, just nothing allday, not even particularly thinking... but stil feeling somewhat lost. I am waiting for counselling and think it may help.
I have just had my anti d's changed after another dr realising that the dodgy liver results were as a result of glandular fever that i had had when having my bloods checked and it had not been spotted, nothing to do with the previous anti-d's! Made me feel a little better about the fact i have been so knackered the last few weeks, and it is not all down to feeling depressed!
So im sure once my new anti-d's kick in and i start with my counselling, i will soon pick up and move on. In the meantime I am still trying every day to feel a little bit more positive and am still praying, and have prayed recently to be clothed with love, to distinguish my negativity!
Thanks again everyone , good to know i am not alone
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
lol watersprout!!! Its definatley on the agenda!
MMXIV thanks for your post! Yes, no wonder im blaaady depressed!!! I know time is a healer... i just wish it would hurry up. In the meantime, im happy to have found people via this site that make me feel 'normal'!
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
THanks Stephen.. i really am going to work on my fruits!!!! I really have turned into a bitter person and angry.. i will pray to feel less anxious and annoyed and hopfully this will help me. I am not naturally a hot head, but i feel myself turning into this bitter, grumpy cantancourous woman!
Thats hopefully where my prayer will be answererd. Thanks Bez x
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
It is good to know there are others from the UK on this site, when i read many posts i see many from the states etc and often wonder how many uk folk are on here. Watersprout.. thats sad about your child crying still over a lost friend... but like you say at leas they can have a 'normal' life. I often wonder if their dub friends will grow up and one day ask about our children ... what excuse will the parents giv... oh they were a bad associate cus they did birthdays!!!
Little imp, i am similar, i am at a point right now where i dont really want to deal with people face to face... and its unusual for me as i am actually quite an outgoing person. I am constantly cleaning lol! Not done my kitchen cupboards for a bit tho so i think i might have to think about that.. and i actually feel like making bread this afternoon now!! lol I often make buns etc wi my little girl, but forgot about bread after we got rid of the bread maker!! I might go back to doing it the old fashioned way! Im gonna get my little girl into the brownies too as her school friend is also doing that so she wants to do it with her.
I cant wait for that year to pass! Im sure a new prospec in life is just what i need .. roll on september 2011... (though i do love spending time with my little girl, i am longing for some adult conversation and looking forward to getting out of this hole.).
Bezx
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
Loz - Yeah i live in North Yorkshire in the UK!!! When i do my training for my support teaching i have to get into a voluntary placement in a school. It is kinda impossible to do that at the mo with having my little girl at home with me :-( Cant afford to put her in nursery either. So when her free placement comes up next September, i plan on taking the opportunity to learn learn learn and live live live! lol! I cant believe you have lost all your contact with your kids.. that is so sad :(. My mother does not really have much to do with me anymore or my kids as she is still in. She is and always has been soooo unbalanced though, and I think she loves to milk the fact that we dont go anymore so she can use it as an excuse to say she cant have much association with us! Its so wrong! But i never had a strong relationship with my mother, and so i dont feel too much loss there, tho it does hurt sometimes. Everyone needs loving parents.. and its something i have never had. My dad was d'fd. He still continues to do as he pleases with his life, and has not much time for anyone but himself. But he does make more of an effort with his grandkids than he did with us while we were kids! I know in time things will become easier, and if anyone else in the cong/org comes to their senses, i would like to think i would always be here if they needed to talk.
Watersprout - Thank you for your post.. i seem to have cried non stop the last couple of weeks! I felt like i was coping well to start with! My 8 year old daughter got all her friends she grew up with taken from her.. the parents said they could no longer play together. That was one of the hardest things.. but after all the encouragement on here to fill her time with new friends from school, and some after school clubs, she has really been doing well, and after only a month or so, stopped asking after her old friends! It was really hard one day as she asked me if she would never be able to see her friends (one who she grew up with from being born) again... I had to be honest and say i dont know but she has some great friends at school, she buried her head in the sofa and cried :( She is a really sensitive little girl and i thought that it was going to really effect her for such a long time. Im so glad she has been able to move on.. and she seems the happiest she has EVER been, which is good for me as i really worried about her at one time, thinking she did not seem happy enough for a little girl! (thought she was going to take after me, having been brough up in it, i feel i was miserable and had a very unhappy childhood... much to do with my unloving parents). That is good that now your little girl has started school she has excelled! Are you in the UK?
I will continue to pray and will definatly ask to be clothed in love to perhaps get rid of some of the negativity i am feeling and bitterness... thank you again x
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
Hi Loz, thanks for your post. I am waiting for counselling, its a definate must for me. I believe it would be good for my husband to have it too and like you said maybe have something therapy together, but he wont. He is a typical man who thinks he can deal with it alone.
I came off some anti-d's around 2 months ago due to them having an adverse effect on my liver... i really feel they were the making of me too, they gave me the confidence to get out. Im thinking i may need some different type of anti-d to lift me out of the dark place i am in now.
I am planning on training to be a support teacher as soon as my little girl is in nursery next september. I cant wait to do something as im sure that will help. It is impossible at the moment to do that with me having to care for her every day as my husband is at work.
Thank you again for your post. bez x
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
Thanks everyone, im glad im not alone!
Im going to the docs today , wating for counselling but there is a looong wait!
the noblelodge and Broken Promises.. i am gonna see if there are any child play groups in my area to take My little girl.
I am trying , every day to pick up , but every day seems to be worse right now... I cant believe the effect leaving has had on me.. NOT that i would go back there... I feel so bitter its enough to keep me well away from going back ever again... I actually often wonder why people go back after experiencing 'shunning'. Must be to get 'friends' back!
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25
loosing it!
by bez inanyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??.
my husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault!
i feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out.
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bez
Anyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??
My husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault! I feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out. I am 29, at home with 2 children, i feel like i have wasted 29 years, with only a couple friends left and NOTHING else! I have no focus in life anymore... I am trying to pray but it seems to just fade half way through, almost like i feel 'he' isnt listening to me anyway.
Only last week I was going for a full time job, I was going to get my 2 year old in nursery full time.... to cut a long story short, it was not worth it financially, so Im stuck at home now til she gets to nursery a year from now!
I do fill my life with things every day, I dont just sit and surf the net all day, I do have to occupy my 2 year old, but i just feel really really lost.
Before, when attending meetings, I would visit friends, and they would always pop by here.
Now ... nothing! My life with my husband is becoming tedious, and he has become really insecure.
I want good things to happen but nothing! I just feel lost, and alone.
Anyone else with any exeprience of how they felt 2 months or so post-leaving?