loosing it!

bez

Anyone else have any experience of a couple of months after leaving the org...feelings etc??

My husband has left too and feels the same as i do.. but we just seem to be arguing constantly at the moment, though i do feel this may be my own fault! I feel soooo angry, bitter and annoyed at how things have turned out. I am 29, at home with 2 children, i feel like i have wasted 29 years, with only a couple friends left and NOTHING else! I have no focus in life anymore... I am trying to pray but it seems to just fade half way through, almost like i feel 'he' isnt listening to me anyway.

Only last week I was going for a full time job, I was going to get my 2 year old in nursery full time.... to cut a long story short, it was not worth it financially, so Im stuck at home now til she gets to nursery a year from now!

I do fill my life with things every day, I dont just sit and surf the net all day, I do have to occupy my 2 year old, but i just feel really really lost.

Before, when attending meetings, I would visit friends, and they would always pop by here.

Now ... nothing! My life with my husband is becoming tedious, and he has become really insecure.

I want good things to happen but nothing! I just feel lost, and alone.

Anyone else with any exeprience of how they felt 2 months or so post-leaving?

THE GLADIATOR

bez Most of us felt like that. I was the same age when I left.

It take years to fully adjust but you have your whole life ahead to put things right.

thenoblelodge

Hi bez,

You have described a lot of what I felt when I left the Org. Our lives had been so controlled, then suddenly we can make decisions without having to look it up in W/T lit to see if it's ok. We've only been out 18 months and I have gone through so many emotions I could write a book lol.

It will get better but you will have to put some effort in and start making friends, join classes anything where you can meet people.

The fact you're only 29... well I wish I was that age again, I'd show you how to live

Don't worry many have gone through these same emotions and have made lives for themselves.

Broken Promises

Is there a mother's club you could join? Local playgroup?

I left at 30. Your 30s are a great time. You still have your youth, but a little more experience than when you were 20. Enjoy your freedom.

And congrats on leaving. You will go thru many emotions but the ultimate freedom to do and think for yourself is well worth it!!

Lozhasleft

Bez - Its understandable that we all have gone through these similar feelings...we have been in a highly controlled community ...distanced from normal real living...putting lives on 'hold' til the 'new system' - its all so unnatural and unreal.

You must count your blessings in terms of your age, you have escaped with so much future to live normally. (I was in my mid 50's when I became free and had spent nearly 30 years in the org andI've lost all my adult kids as many others have. ) I realise it isnt easy but now you have to grab life with both hands for you and your family. Investigate what is on offer in your community, how about returning to education, (even if only a night class) and start building loving family traditions to make yours strong.

Many of us need some kind of therapy/counselling after leaving which may not be true for you and your husband...but nevertheless there are feelings and resentments and disappointments to deal with. You do have each other but as you say it can happen that this means discord as you both come to terms with whats happened to you.

If possible why not consider some family/marriage therapy just to enable you to talk about your feelings openly with an objective listener? You are going to need to pull together and unite and make sure that you care for each other and offer each other comfort through this difficult time. If you havent done so already get hold of S Hasson's book about exiting cults and whatever else you can read to help you.

I really wish you well. Time is a great healer and if you start to replace alternative social situations you will find that there is a lot of pleasure to be found in meeting people in the 'world' with all kinds of diverse beliefs who will enrich your life.

Feel free to PM me anytime and make good use of the great people on here who have great advice and support to offer.

Loz x

PS About the praying...he is still listening and is feeling your pain...worry less about 'prayer' and just talk to him, if you know what I mean? x

bez

Thanks everyone, im glad im not alone!

Im going to the docs today , wating for counselling but there is a looong wait!

the noblelodge and Broken Promises.. i am gonna see if there are any child play groups in my area to take My little girl.

I am trying , every day to pick up , but every day seems to be worse right now... I cant believe the effect leaving has had on me.. NOT that i would go back there... I feel so bitter its enough to keep me well away from going back ever again... I actually often wonder why people go back after experiencing 'shunning'. Must be to get 'friends' back!

Lozhasleft

Shunning is a terribly cruel thing. It devastated me. Its all about being absolutely rejected as the person you are and it really hurts. Before long you will make friends who arent 'conditional' and who cant be induced or bullied into shunning you ever.

My heart goes out to you. Just keep going one day at a time yea? Try and do something to make yourself feel good every day. Let your focus be yourself and then hubby and kids...on healing and recovering. You will need to be your own 'best friend' and be kind and patient with yourself.

Loz x

bez

Hi Loz, thanks for your post. I am waiting for counselling, its a definate must for me. I believe it would be good for my husband to have it too and like you said maybe have something therapy together, but he wont. He is a typical man who thinks he can deal with it alone.

I came off some anti-d's around 2 months ago due to them having an adverse effect on my liver... i really feel they were the making of me too, they gave me the confidence to get out. Im thinking i may need some different type of anti-d to lift me out of the dark place i am in now.

I am planning on training to be a support teacher as soon as my little girl is in nursery next september. I cant wait to do something as im sure that will help. It is impossible at the moment to do that with me having to care for her every day as my husband is at work.

Thank you again for your post. bez x

Lozhasleft

Yes the anti depressants sound like a good idea if your dr can find one that suits you better. Tell him how down you're feeling, wont you? Take all the help you can get hunny. Your plans for the future sound really good...I'm wondering if you can do some voluntary work in schools while you wait for the training aspect to start? I dont want to pry but I get the feeling you're in the UK by the way you write and I'm in Manchester UK if that can help you at all please dont hesitate to get in touch.

Loz x

watersprout

Oh Bez reading your post made me cry!

I have not long turned 30 and i left when i was 28... Carrot and I rowed pretty much constantly when we first left, it was awful! We had home schooled Babysprout while dubs as i couldn't bear the thought of her being left out with all the festivities and made to feel like a freak...As a result of us all being shunned when we left, all the kids she used to play with were no longer allowed to play with her...She was a very lonely sprout...She started school this march and has excelled! Which i am soo grateful for...

It's soo hard when you leave as you have nothing or nobody! Trust me it gets better... Your counselling will help you soo much...You will heal it just takes time but you will all get through it...And you will have a stronger marriage at the end of it...You have both been through so much together, be grateful that you have both managed to break free...

If you can pray cause i know its hard to when you first leave, ask to be clothed in Love...It helps honest....

Peace and love to you all

loosing it!

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