Intel,
I feel for you. Coming here to JWN really helped me get over losing my family and see how to "Fill the gap" as you put it.
There are many of us who were born ins and it was the only life we knew. My point is, you are not alone, and feel free to reach out if you need to talk to someone who really understands. There are many here, including myself, who understand what it's like and the challenges ahead.
That being said, be of good cheer, persevere, and do what is best for you and your child!
Kindest regards,
-Drew