i need to get this out and this is the only place i know that it will be ok to do so.. so i've been out (inactive) for over a year a half now and decided i wanted a relationship with a non-jw, obviously.
i'm in my late 20s and never really had a girlfriend.
it doesn't help that i'm an introvert and not a very social person, add to that the guilt and control issues i have from jws and i don't think i have many outgoing attractive qualities.. i have been on dates with about 4 girls so far, one i approached randomly and the others from online dating.
It could be as simple as a running or walking club, wine tasting, book club, community gatherings...cleanups and food drives
LOL!!! No offense dag, but the guy wants a date, not a pretentious do gooder. This makes me want to puke!
Women who hang out at a walking club, book club, or community gatherings don't put out!! The guy needs to get laid, not a lesson in civic services.
i need to get this out and this is the only place i know that it will be ok to do so.. so i've been out (inactive) for over a year a half now and decided i wanted a relationship with a non-jw, obviously.
i'm in my late 20s and never really had a girlfriend.
it doesn't help that i'm an introvert and not a very social person, add to that the guilt and control issues i have from jws and i don't think i have many outgoing attractive qualities.. i have been on dates with about 4 girls so far, one i approached randomly and the others from online dating.
Gutted:
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was in the same boat a few years ago. I had been married to a JW. She cheated on me, I got divorced, she got reinstated, and I got DF'd later. I finally met the woman who is now my wife when I stopped looking. I tried online dating, kept tweaking my profile and met few decent women. Actually, I never had much trouble getting a date, but I had trouble meeting someone I wanted to spend more than a couple dates with.
I agree with Robdar completely. Everyone has insecurities, but some people hide them better than others. You have to have a bit of attitude, a cockiness, and don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, make a joke, and be flirty. Women love confidence and humor. Don't get confidence confused with arrogance. You have to understand that you are just as good as anyone else in the room.
I know a guy who was mediocre looking, didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and had dates all the time......He didn't let fear or intimidation get in the way. He'd say: "The worst thing a woman can tell me is no.......or slap me."
Online dating is fine, but you have to gave a great picture of yourself.......I suggest only one or two because your potential dates will look at every one of them and go over them with a fine tooth comb.......Where was the picture taken; are you dressed nicely etc......
The most important thing is Self-confidence. Women don't want a guy who they can push around. Develop the attitude that no one.....and I mean no one no matter what their social standing, or career......is better than you. Have an attitude that you couldn't care less if that girl you noticed comes over to talk to you or not. Don't be needy or desperate. When you get this down, she'll be coming up to talk to you.
would you have gone to college?.
would you have gone to jail?.
would you have been wealthy?.
How about the look you get when you call on a home where your classmates live? Thoroughly embarassing!! I remember one pioneer friend of mine.....He was a riot. I was about 18 at the time and we were out in service with a young witness who was probably 13 or 14. We were in his neighborhood and passed a few of his classmates who were standing on the sidewalk. The young witness says, "I don't want them to see me" and covers his face with his hand. The older pioneer started honking his horn and saying "Jason Lang is right here" pointing at young Jason who was thoroughly embarassed. It was funny, and it still is. The older one is now a C.O. in the Dominican Republic, and the younger one left years ago. Maybe a little off topic, but it was a memory that was just jogged reading Design's last post.
would you have gone to college?.
would you have gone to jail?.
would you have been wealthy?.
I would have had better social skills growing up.....I'm fine now, but the inferiority that comes with being "different" and not different in a good way is something that leaves permenant scars. Going to the library during Xmas parties, B-day parties, Halloween parties, and Valentine exchanges sure makes an elementary school kid feel like an outcast. Along with not playing sports, or going to college when you get out of High School because you are going to make a career out of "Pioneering" when no one you go to high school with even knows what the hell pioneering is.
(a little background info before i ask my question...).
my sister-in-law (non-jw), who manages a popular chain restaurant near a kingdom hall, just found out that my wife and i have recently faded, so she decided to get something off her chest the other day... you guessed it: she wanted us to know that jws are the worst customers ever!
she then told us some really embarrassing stories about how jws would request a table for 15 to 20 people (after a sunday meeting) and then (when the bill came) some of the jws would start deliberating amongst themselves on whether or not the waiter was diligent or not (to justify the low tip he was getting anyway).
I remember at a Convention in Lousiville, KY there was a newspaper article that said "The Jehovah's Witnesses came to town this weekend with the Ten Commandments and twenty dollar bills and didn't break any of them." They brought it out during the Sunday session and said to remember to tip your housekeepers and wait staff.
i was wandering round the natural history museum in london last week and saw the early man skeltons and learned about how they lived and what they ate etc and thought about the adam and eve who i was taught about at the kingdom hall that seemed to just ignore the fact that people lived many thousands of years ago and not just 6000 .
as a jehovahs witness how did you feel about early man skeltons being found and the dinosaurs etc and how did you manage to explain it in your own mind never mind to anyone else ?
i was told by an elder that if your given a plate of food and dont like something on the plate do you just leave it all ?
The only cave man I ever believed in and still do:
on this forum, i have carefully read most of the experiences of those who left the jw religion, i have even read experiences that have dated back to 2001, i have read the different circumstances surrounding their exits and what ensued upon leaving.
for the majority, i observed they are better remainning in the religion than leaving.
what benefit is there to strain family relationship because you want to be free?, please tell me, of what value is that freedom?,.
Mankelli: You're using pascal's wager to explain why staying is better than leaving. I encourage you to read what Pascal's wager is, and read how it was refuted. You will be enlightened.
on this forum, i have carefully read most of the experiences of those who left the jw religion, i have even read experiences that have dated back to 2001, i have read the different circumstances surrounding their exits and what ensued upon leaving.
for the majority, i observed they are better remainning in the religion than leaving.
what benefit is there to strain family relationship because you want to be free?, please tell me, of what value is that freedom?,.
For those of you who anticipated the demise of the JW religion,you may end up being frustrated and dissapointed as your wishes may never be fulfilled, Even Raymond franz a guru apostate wondered till death on the reason for the high surge of baptismal candidate. His confusion led to the complications of his sickness which later resulted in his death.
Please offer proof of this assertion. Were you his physician? His Phychiatrist? His counselor? His mailman?
My life is exponentially better since leaving. I miss some of my old friends, but they have chosen to be controlled by the WTS, I have chosen not to be. They have chosen to shun me, I have not shunned them. They are wrong, and they have a right to be wrong.
Your reasoning is that of a battered woman. You suggest that people stay so that they can still have their friends and family, it's better to be controlled than to be free. Battered women often stay in abusive relationships because they have become accustomed to the fact that their husband/ boyfriend will react a certain way if they do something their husband disapproves of. They learn to live with the control and the abuse and make excuses for not getting out.
You are wrong!
i went by a protest today.
someone was holding a sign to "stop big banks now," basically saying they agree with the government taking control of the banks and what they do.
next to this person, was a person holding a sign that said, "make marijuana legal!
Do you read newspapers? Magazines? Weblogs? Watch TV? Watch YouTube? Dare I say......BOOKS? Talk to other humans? Ever get out of the house? Or your parent's basement?
Ahhhh....the final refuge of the ideologically bankrupt.....personal insult
Bizzy: You attempted to insult me first. This is hypocrisy in the purest form.
I do not need you to educate me.
Well someone does. It appears you've been unable to do it yourself.
I'm quite certain my education is equal to or superior to yours.
Impossible.
Beks: Please inform my using FACTS how it is impossible. I'm anxiously awaiting!
my parents are still witnesses, i read coc, isocf and conceptoc, then decided not to attend meetings.. i told them everything i knew about what was written and this pushed them away from me and further into the "truth", we still talk like a normal family but when a topic merges that i speak about jw's i get shunned, they don't comment.
i didn't understand why they continued to believe after i mentioned gb voting system, un, and others, i also mentioned about ray franz and what the bible really says, dad asked me why not i just join his (ray's) religion since i know so much.. i knew about hassans books but didn't see them necessary at the time, but i didn't understand why they are acting this way.
i just finished releasing the bonds, now i understand why they acted the way they did and why they didn't listen, my only regret was not reading this and combating cult mind control earlier.. so we were all brought up in the truth, all my family members are in the truth, during the years they were taught not to think anything negative about the religion - that's how you loose part of your critical thinking skills (remenber how the brothers kept remind of how happy we all are.).
dad asked me why not I just join his (Ray's) religion since I know so much.
Sounds like my dad, Joey. They didn't really shun me either, like your parents. Dad has been dead now for about 5 years. If your dad is anything like mine was, he probably recognizes some of the inconsistencies, but feels it's the closest thing to the best religion.
I think you're right. Just continue to be loving unconditionally and they will probably do the same........eventually.
Kind regards,
-Drew
