DJeggnog wrote
You believe that there aren't "spiritual reasons" for our taking such an action when repentance is lacking? (Matthew 16:19; 18:15-18) You think it to be "unchristian" for Jehovah's Witnesses to do what we can to protect the flock by permitting unwholesome influences from creeping into God's organization? (Acts 20:28) You think we disfellowship because we are afraid that we will lose people? The disfellowshipped individual is already lost, so we disfellowship so that he or she will realize the gravity of their sin, repent and seek reinstatement. Contrary to what you believe, we don't lose people that want to be found
Through the desfellowshipping process they become judges of men. You talk about repentance but it sometimes has nothing to do with disfellowshipping.
This is part of 'my story'.
I had been brought up as a JW. As a teenager I started dating whom I thought was a very uprighteous Brother. After a while he started getting physical and fondlying me, I didn't say no as I did not want to lose him. One day he said this would have to stop as his ambition was to become a MS but it continued on. I went on a long holdiay overseas and he wrote to me many times. The letters grew more shocking over time and became sermons. I had several pages at a time telling me what he expected of me as a christian wife using just about every biblical quote to explain how I was to be submissive, virtous, frugal, non complaining etc etc. This upset me as I saw that I would have no control of my own life and became disillusioned. Unfortunately in my depressed state I allowed a friend to fondle me on a few occassions. I wrote to this Brother and told him I was breaking it off. On arriving home he insisted on seeing me. I told him what had occurred and he said I would have to tell my father.
My father was an elder and he said he would need to discuss it with another elder. He advised me that due to the nature of the incident and those involved I would have to attend a JC but they believed it would just be a matter of process as they accepted my repentance.
I attended the JC and expressed my repentance. Strangely enough I never had to tell them anything about what had occurred, they said they had enough information about what had happened without me having to tell them which would only serve to embarass me and them. Without directly saying so I was the one at fault with the Brother, I was too much of a temptation and my clothes needed to be even more modest. Anyway, they finished the JC meeting and advised they would get back to me on their decision. A week passed and I heard nothing, another week passed and still nothing. I approached one of the elders and he advised that no decision had been made. Another couple of weeks passed and still nothing. I approached an elder again and asked what was happening. Still no decision, I was told to be patient. Several more weeks passed so I again approached an elder. I was told that the three of them could not come to an agreement. After several months my father became involved and spoke to the elders, not to influence them but to find out the situation. I was told that my loose conduct could possibly be considered brazen and they could not agree on the matter. I believe one of the elders said don't df, the other said df was appropriate and the third didn't know who's side to take. They were new elders, only having been appointed within the last couple of years. My father told them that he didn't feel their indecision was appropriate and whichever way it went it was better to deal with the matter. I believe he may have been told that it was not appropriate for him to say anything to them.
After 5 months of this 'waiting patiently' (and I can tell you it was very difficult and saddened me greatly and it was very difficult having this hanging over my head like a dark cloud) my father decided to write to Bethel. My father did not want to step on anyone's toes and always took the stand of viewing this without his personal emotion, although naturally it was. He encouraged me to remain strong. I understand now that I was putting his own position as an elder into review (on his part, not from a congregational viewpoint). He would have voluntarily stepped down as an elder for a time as a way of taking some responsibility on his own shoulders.
A month or so later a letter came back from the Society and my father read it to me. It stated that it was not appropriate for them to decide on the matter but it was up to the three elders, my father explained that this was appropriate and had stated as much in his initial letter to them but had rather, expressed his concerns about the time taken to deal with the matter. The letter went on to confirm that the time taken (in their opinion) wa rather long and questioned if that was necessary. The final paragraph was the most helpful. It stated that due to over six months having passed already that the elders may like to consider my conduct over this period and view this as being in the same light as they would someone who had already been disfellowshipped and consider their decision based on this. Even still it took several weeks for them to finally agree. I could not believe that they still did not approach me with their decision but rather my father told me. Only one JC meeting had occurred and not once did they approach me afterwards. Their decision was not to df. How hard can it be to decide if someone is lawless or like the devil himself?
As for the Brother I was involved with, he has done well. He reached his goal of becoming an MS then progressed to becoming an elder, CO and now serves as a writer in Bethel. He took out his own revenge on me after I left him and several disturbing incidences occurred. Whether it was through anger or his own way of taking matters into his own hands to discipline me I could not say.
What happened, whichever way you look at it was unchristian. Fortunately there is the often used escape route.
They are just imperfect men.
My opinion is that it's a mans world, although it took another incident for me to finally come to this conclusion.
