This makes me sick to my stomach. My sis was in an abusive marriage and as she was talking with the elders over her situation, one of the elders asked what she had done to make her husband act that way to her. If she had not left him when she did, he would have for sure killed her. I hope that my sis misses this watchtower study.....she goes once in a blue moon, but maybe I should give her a heads up so she is not present for this particular study.
confuzzled777
JoinedPosts by confuzzled777
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45
"Extreme physical abuse" only grounds for separation, NOT divorce.
by cedars inforgive me if i'm a bit slow with the title to this thread.
the true absurdity of the cult that robbed me of my intellect for so long is still beginning to dawn on me.. i'm doing more research into domestic violence as part of a response to the notorious "wife beating" article in the feb 2012 watchtower.. i was shocked to find a question from readers in the w75 5/1 p286-288 which basically said that a battered wife would not be scripturally free to divorce her husband.
my first reaction was that this stance must have changed since 1975, but then i dipped into my own memory from serving as an elder, and of course, adultery (including porneia) is given as the only scriptural grounds for divorce down to this day.. please can somebody correct me if i'm wrong, preferably with a reference?
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June 15th WT ( again) JW's told " Elders are Imperfect " Give them a Break
by flipper inthis is one subject that really annoyed me when i was a jehovah's witness - and i find it still annoys me after being out 7 years from the jw's.
the title of this jw only wt study article is " have regard for those who are working hard among you ".
in my opinion there always seemed to be a double standard in which rank and file publishers were always told to be patient with elders shortcomings - however if rank and file publishers slipped up - elders would be into admonishing and disciplining them like flies attracted to dung with no delay.
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confuzzled777
JW GoneBad......Thanks SO much for the kind words! But you are not the one that needs to apologize......
What the elders did not realize when they treated us the way they did was that they not only hurt me, but they hurt my hubby and my 2 kids (12 and 15 when they df'd me) by their actions.....but they hurt my parents deeply, my sister and her family, along with my extended family, my dh's whole side of the family and all of our friends from the cong. that we were close to. I will go as far as to say that it not only rocked my faith in God (not just the org.), but many others whom we are close to. All because they were hell bent on making an example of us. Possibly hundreds were affected by their "witch hunt" in which they df'd 4 and publicly reproved 6 all from the same cong. All but my sil and I are back in good standing. She will never go back.......I am in limbo.
You are right......I would imagine hundreds of thousands if not more, have been at one time or another hurt by the imperfect elders. If not directly like me, then indirectly like my family and friends. OH not to mention those that are NOT JW's that have become close friends to me over the past year. They are just BLOWN away at it all!!! Good witness, huh?? lol
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June 15th WT ( again) JW's told " Elders are Imperfect " Give them a Break
by flipper inthis is one subject that really annoyed me when i was a jehovah's witness - and i find it still annoys me after being out 7 years from the jw's.
the title of this jw only wt study article is " have regard for those who are working hard among you ".
in my opinion there always seemed to be a double standard in which rank and file publishers were always told to be patient with elders shortcomings - however if rank and file publishers slipped up - elders would be into admonishing and disciplining them like flies attracted to dung with no delay.
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confuzzled777
It has been a few months since I have visited......this post is exactly why I was df'd. Imperfect elders on a witch hunt. Makes my heart ache and my stomach turn. We are supposed to forgive them for their imperfections, but those of us who were wronged by the elders are supposed to suck it up and forgive them if we want back into the cong. Not once have I received an apology for their imperfections, for their hasty judgement and the mean spirited way that my DH and I were treated not just by 3 elders, but by 6 not including the CO that was involved. Not once have I received a phone call saying they were wrong and please come back. NOPE ALL I get is just suck it up and come back......OH and make sure that you forgive these brothers who took your joy and stole your faith, because they are imperfect. BULL **** is what it is.
My mom keeps telling me that they will be held accountable for their actions.......if only.
WHEW I think I need to count to ten.......lol
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What Do You Miss About Being An Active JW?
by minimus indo you miss the "friends"?.
do you miss the meetings?.
do you miss field service?.
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confuzzled777
I miss being able to get together with my in-laws . We were always doing things with them, whether it was hanging out at each others homes, going out to dinner, going to concerts together, celebrating each others anniversaries......so on and so forth. I miss the football parties that we used to have at our home where all of our friends and family would come over and hang out. I miss the card parties that we would hold or go to. I miss staying up till 5am having drinks in our hot tub with our friends from the hall. Conversations would take on a completely different tone outside in the freezing cold while were were all having drinks half naked! LOL I miss the good times that we all had, the vacations that we took together, the bike rides we used to take as families. I even miss our "service" days where we would drive from one end of town to the other to drop off magazines in the laundry mats. Then hanging out at the local HyVee drinking coffee or eating lunch to finish out the morning.
I do not miss the meetings (partially because I have gone to the last 2 lol) I do not miss knocking on peoples doors trying to hand them a watchtower or reading them a scripture. I do not miss the hypocricy in the cong. I do not miss the self righteous brothers and sisters who think their shit don't stink. I do not miss the singing. I do not miss getting up on stage with another sister and trying to put together a talk that sounded conversational. I do not miss the CO visits where people come out of the woodwork just to make a showing for another man with a title.
Since I have been df'd I have made AMAZING friends. My hubby has always been close with his family and has good friends from work, so no need to make new friends for him. But my friends are MY friends and his friends and family can't talk to me (with the exception of those from work). We do not do things together as families and I don't forsee it happening in the future. So, I do miss the close knit group that we had in our cong. Funny thing is those that "tattled" on us were NOT the ones that we did things with regularly. Maybe they were just jealous of the fun that we were having without them. Who the hell knows!
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Black Friday Stampedes VS. District Convention Morning Gate Openings
by Mr. Falcon inhas anyone had a jw rant to them around christmas time about how "horrible" it is to be a "worldly" person at that time of year?.
certian jws love to use the infamous black friday shopping riots that tend to occur as examples to back up this argument.
now, while those incidents are indeed disgraceful, they are hardly isolated to the "world".. among my "priveliges" was to be an attendant at a few district conventions.
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confuzzled777
While I have never been there early enough to witness the "stampede" in the morning. My DH went down before the doors opened during a district convention with his brother and cousin one year to get seats for us all. He said it was CRAZY!! People RACING, PUSHING and SHOVING there way through to get to the "good" seats.
First AND last time he ever did that! I like it in the bleachers anyways......much more room to spread out and get comfy. We would bring blankets/cushions to sit on and cover up with.
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Did having children make you a better or worse JW
by journey-on inafter i had children, i changed gradually in the way i thought about the religion i was raised in.
one day, it dawned on me that if my child was injured in an accident and needed blood to survive, there was no way in the world i would say "no" to a blood transfusion.
why continue the charade?
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confuzzled777
Interesting question.
I have to say that it made me a worse JW.
I missed a LOT of meetings, blaming it on the kids, but really just not wanting to go myself. As my kids have grown older, even before I was df'd, we allowed them to do things and hang out with kids that other JW's would not allow their kids to do. My DD who is a Junior in High School has already purchased her PROM (yes, I said prom) dress and is planning on attending the after prom party with her friends from school. That is a HUGE NO NO and I KNOW there will be "talk" about us letting her go. But I don't care anymore what other people think of us.
OH and my kids WILL go to COLLEGE!! I have NOT encouraged them to get baptized. I was baptized at 16 and did it for all the wrong reasons. I do NOT encourage my kids to pioneer after school. NOR do I encourage my son to go to Bethel.
Yep, definately not a good JW, by most JW standards........
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Feb. 15th WT - WT Society says DFed Ones are Lawless- Just Like Demons
by flipper ini would assume that some or a good number of us here as normal humans in this society - consider " lawless " actions to include murder , robbery, extortion, rape, child abuse, war , terrorism, etc.
the wt society has their own definition of what's considered " lawless ".
anything that's considered a disfellowshipping offense in the jehovah's witnesses is now considered " lawless ".
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confuzzled777
What makes me SO sad is that the WT makes the followers believe that they are actually showing LOVE by not talking to df'd/da'd ones. In MY world, ones shows LOVE by being there for their friend/family, not shunning them. Human contact whether a physical contact or a kind word is healing and NEEDED.
This is my FAVORITE part of it all........I AM NO LONGER ONE OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES according to the announcement. RIGHT?? But according to the WTS, I cannot speak to my JW family or JW friends, YET I cannot find friends outside of the org. Solitary confinement? BEST YET, I cannot speak to OTHER df'd JW's as they are still considered bad association or I guess now LAWLESS. WHAT THE??? I have to spend the next year going back to EVERY meeting, studying for each meeting and living AS A JW, yet I am NO LONGER one of them. When asked to be reinstated I am questioned about my actions since the announcement. What does it matter?? I am NO LONGER one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
I don't get it........Thanks for the post......I will be bringing this up to my parents, who by the way never stopped talking to me. Unconditional love, I believe is what that is called. I always knew they were bad seeds......LOL
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Disfellowshiped ARE REQUIRED to sit in the library!
by brotherdan inmy mother-in-law is making leaps and bounds in her progress to get out of the watchtower.
for those of you that don't know, she is df'd but has been working on "coming back".
recently i've been able to exchange emails about the dangers of the organization and share jesus with her.
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confuzzled777
OH and to add to your comment about talking to your MIL after meeting and getting the "stink eye". When my SIL was df'd, I talked to her at the hall because she was in the process of coming back and we had ALWAYS talked and hung out with her socially outside of the hall. Someone had a problem with it, talked to an elder who in turn talked to my hubby who in turn had to tell me NOT to talk to her at the hall.
People need to mind their efing business! Life is WAY too short!
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Disfellowshiped ARE REQUIRED to sit in the library!
by brotherdan inmy mother-in-law is making leaps and bounds in her progress to get out of the watchtower.
for those of you that don't know, she is df'd but has been working on "coming back".
recently i've been able to exchange emails about the dangers of the organization and share jesus with her.
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confuzzled777
OMG!!! Before my df'ing announcement, 3 others were also df'd 2 weeks prior to me along with 6 public reproof announcements. The elders in the hall knew that not only were we all close, but that we had close family still in the hall. They knew that they were going to have to set down some boundries before the final announcement, ME. If we were not related to those in our cong. we were good friends with most and had a LOT of social gatherings with many in the cong. The elders had to make SURE that ALL in the cong. knew that it would NOT be tolerated to have ANY contact with the recently df'd ones.
During a part in the 2nd half of meeting, the elder/PO giving the part went out on a sideline about saving the back rows for those who came in late, those with kids, etc. He then asked the question "Who else would we want to save the back rows for?" He went on to say that we would want to save the back rows for those who are disfellowshipped because they cannot associate with the rest of the hall and generally come in late and leave early so we would want to be considerate of those in that situation.
After making that statement, he went into a tangent about because disfellowshipped ones cannot associate with those in the congregation, that would include TEXTING, E-MAILING, OR any kind of SOCIAL NETWORKING. The elder even had us look up a scripture that was NOT in the KM article that we were going over. You know, the one that says that we are not supposed to even EAT with such a person.......
Mind you, I knew that I was going to be disfellowshipped. But had found out that night that the announcement would be made the NEXT Thursday night. So, I was LIVID!! How DARE they tell ME where I can sit when I come to WORSHIP GOD!! I called my hubby's cousin who is an elder in a different hall and was appauled at what I told him.
If I was your MIL, I would be FURIOUS! They have NO right telling her where she can and cannot sit in the house of God. What her elders don't know is they just may have pushed her away.....I know that if I was told that I could not sit up in the main auditorium, I would not go back. UNFREAKIN' BELIEVABLE..........
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How do I get them to leave me alone?
by Mr. Falcon inwhy does every ex-elder who went through so much turmoil while being an elder always whine to me about how much it sucked, yet when i mention that i don't want to be one, they suddenly get all nostalgic and tell me what a blessing it is to serve as an e-man?.
elder.. period.. maybe i might have a change of heart one day if they actually require these men to have some sort of actual psychological/communication training or if they start handing out paychecks.
but until then, i respectfully decline.. .
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confuzzled777
I am SO glad that my hubby has never been an MS or an Elder! My x-SIL HATED it when her hubby was an MS. She had 2 small kids and was left alone with them at meetings AND especially at the assemblies. She finally asked him if he would step down so he could help her out.
I agree the Family aspect! Be there for your kids and your wife! As you said......Concentrate on spending time with your kids........They will only be with you for a short time, and you will never hear them say they wished you had been an elder and spent LESS time with them! THEY need you NOW!
My kids are 13 and almost 17. They NEED their dad to be here for THEM, not off counting contributions or dealing with other people's family issues.
I am proud of you in that you recognize the more important things in life.