EmptyInside, you made me cry at work, Dammit! That was such a sad first post and I'm so glad things are better for you now.
As a non-jw but with a less than ideal upbringing and attitude, I felt very empty inside too at a few points of my life, and also despaired of things improving in the future. In one of those times I started "studying" with jws at the instigation of my SIL. I couldn't believe, but tried to, so they would keep visiting.
But good times came as well as bad. It's strange; when my jw ladies called after stopping the regular "studies" they clearly expected me to feel abandoned. That triggered my self-reliance and things started to turn around. Now that I'm more comfortable I can see how hard their life is with low incomes, illness and the many calls on their time. Depression can make me very self-centered.
A pity they can probably never really be my friends, but there's all the rest of the world, and everything to learn and do.
Enjoy the freedom and be happy.