I have always had issues with self esteem. It's never been easy for me to stand up for myself. In fact, I used to frequently have these dreams where I was in a position of having to protect myself against a bully, and when I try to hit him, my blows are weak and not effective at all. Generally, I would wake up from these dreams and feel really bad about myself.
Recently though, after I turned in my letter of disassociation last summer the dream changed. In the new dream I was in a school yard. I had the distinct feeling of trouble brewing. The school yard bully made his way over to me, and poked me in the chest making some kind of demands. I grabbed his finger, and broke it. It sounded like the snapping of a candle stick. Then I grabbed a fist full of his shirt, and picked him off of the ground and pinned him to the wall, his feet are dangling...I told him that if he ever touched me again, that I'd beat him to a bloody pulp. Then, I threw him across the school yard. We could all hear him make a sick thud when he landed. After having this new version of the dream , the old version has never come back.
Chris-
