thanks NewChapter for that explanation. you took the words right out of my mouth. yes, it is very hard to move on from the org. and i spent a long time in your shoes, Lazarus, years in fact. in the org just because i don't want to lose my so called family and friends. i'm not DFd or DAd but i have been inactive for a while now and i choose to stay that way because i dont want to lose complete contact with my family.
i know what its like to feel an obligation to do something just to make others happy. those that have certain expectations for you. hell, i got baptized because i wanted to please my mother. then after many years of nagging, i became a regular pioneer, only to be DFd about two months later because everything just culminated and i couldnt take it anymore. then, i became the black sheep of my family, people at the hall always gave me dirty looks and treated me like i had the plague. then after a year of that treatment i got reinstated, STILL trying to please my family and friends. only to still not be good enough for them. i've learned that its not worth it. no one on this site is saying you have to get DFd or DA yourself. i haven't done that. i get it. not being ready to cut all ties and the hard part is KNOWING that your family or those close to you will have no problem severing those ties w/you once you leave that JW status. I might as well DA myself because being inactive is pretty much the same thing. when i am around my mother and older brother, who are very much in the org, its just the same as when i was DFd because they treat me differently and the only time my mother contacts me is when she's trying push the meetings back on me. then something else hit me: THEIR ACCEPTANCE OF ME AND SO CALLED DISPLAYS OF LOVE TOWARDS ME IS 100% SURROUNDING MY BEING A JW OR NOT. nothing else matters.
yes, weigh the pros and cons, but i can promise you this: mental and emotional freedom will outweigh their enslavement. you cannot live your life miserable on the inside to make others happy. i garauntee you this (and its been said b4) if your family and friends really care about you, they're going to love you for WHO you are not WHAT you are. and no religious belief will change that. i've seen it happen where people's children leave but they are still in their lives and its all good. granted, it is RARE, but i'm going thru this transition and maybe sometime down the road i will DA myself officially, but its more about your mental and emotional state. you have to come to your own conclusions and make your own decisions Lazarus, and i will tell you from my POV, its better to be free emotionally than enslaved. the ties we have to the org are much like a bad marriage - you break up and you go back, you break up and you go back, SCARED OF THE UNFAMILIAR. I've heard it said that however many years you've been married, that's how many months it will take to start to get over the fear and hurt of the break. So like for me, I was born and raised a witness - been baptized since i was 12 (14 years ago) = i'm 26. so that means it will take about 14 months to get over it. but you don't start to get over something unless you cut the ties and give yourself room to breathe and actually see that you can make it without that other person, or in our case entity- the org. i have been inactive for like 2 yrs now, but still in the midst of everything, on and off meetings- not actually LETTING myself grieve and go thru those arrays of emotion that occur in any breakup. i've started this healing process just recently, like in the last few months. and everyday it gets easier and better!
so yes, give it lots of thought and just remember: LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL