Posts by NewChapter

This one time, I had this boss that wouldn't give me Saturday mornings off for service, and I really struggled with my conscience. Finally I announced that I WOULD NOT work on Saturday mornings cuz I had magazines to sell. He told me that come Monday morning I could expect a pink slip. So I prayed about it all week, and went out to sell magazines on Saturday morning as usual. That afternoon the elders met with me and assured me I was doing the right thing. They prayed with me and read scriptures. THEN, on Sunday morning the newspaper said that a serial killer had got hold of my boss. He chopped his body up in little pieces and ate his heart. I sensed an opportunity and visited the killer in jail the following Monday. He has expressed an interest in a bible study! Isn't Jehovah grand?

NC

41

A few notes on September 15, 2011 Watchtower, fresh off the presses!

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

september 15th, 2011 watchtower, page 28, paragraph 13:.

"if a human overseer in god's organization provides you with instructions that seem extremely detailed, you might at times feel frustrated.

jehovah, however, is a perfect overseer who delegates generously and trusts his servants.

NewChapter

Opening scene: Brother and Sister Newlywed with Elder Detail.

ED: Now I'm here to give you very specific details for your wedding night. Don't get frustrated.

BN: Don't you think this is going a little far?

ED: Did you not study the Sept. 15 WT? You are supposed to welcome this instruction!

BN: Well. . . Okay.

ED: Okay now, I applaud your humility. Kiss her. ---- NO NO, no tongue! That could lead one into the temptation for oral sex! It's better not to rake hot coals to your bosom!

BN: About that Elder Detail, I've been examining the scriptures and there is no mention of oral sex.

ED: You've been examining the scriptures?

BN: DAILY!

ED: The ancient Israelites didn't question Moses when he gave detailed instructions!

SN: Er, . . . they made a golden calf...

ED: And look at what happened to them! Now Sister Newlywed, unbutton your top button.

SN: This feels very uncomfortable.

ED: Are you questioning Jehovah? Are you too proud to follow the detailed instructions of those he chose to delegate authority to?

SN: Well . . . okay.

ED: No, no! Not the second button. That's loose conduct! Here, let's try it this way, I've picked out some honeymoon night garments for you.

SN: Uhm, Elder Detail, this nightgown has more fabric than my wedding dress.

ED: Yes, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. What will people think of you if you wear immodest wedding dresses?

SN: Dresses? Plural?

ED: Yes plural. You're 19-years old! How long do you expect this marriage to last? My bet is that Brother Newlywed will commit adultery and get disfellowshipped. Then you will divorce him and meet a worldly man---A CANAANITE---and soon after get disfellowshipped. You'll come back to the congregation with your new husband and spend every waking moment trying to convert him. In the meantime, Brother Newlywed will be happy with his new christian wife, but everyone will look down on you for having married out of the truth."

SN: That's depressing.

ED: Back on task! Brother Newlywed, gently brush her hair out of her eyes . . .

19

Elder on my JC Killed in Warehouse Accident!

by jookbeard in

jw
friends

almost chocked on my cornflakes this morning reading the story in my local paper, not too sure how to embed the link but the sutton guardian.co.uk will have the story now.. basically dave churchill worked for a local catering company and was moving a stack of tables with some sort of trolley and they toppled down landed on him he died 2 days later in st george's hospital.. i'd known him most of my adult dub life and he was an elder in my ex wifes congregation, he also gave our wedding talk, he is survived by his wife elaine , they never had kids.. during my dissent into "apostasy" he was selected as one of the elders on my jc because he knew me but during my jc he came across and as an arrogant,self righteous,argumentative down right rude pos certainly showed characteristics that i had never experienced before and along with his "mate" on my jc another bellend named stan rogers started this bad cop/good cop shit on me during the 2 weekends on meetings, the other 2 on my jc chairman geoff woodfield and rensford ming showed themselves to be decent men.

3 amazing incidents have be felled these 2 men in the years that followed my jc, events that i've rarely mentioned much over the years.. isn't karma an amazing thing.

NewChapter

Worldly People don`t realise how Common that is..

Hilarious!

10

Does anyone know if they are still teaching the GT to newbies?

by aristeas in

jw
friends

it has been quite an eye-opening last two weeks or so since i discovered & joined this site.

i'm learning a lot and there's no doubt much still to learn.

i must continue to thank so many posters for contributing information not available elsewhere on a wide variety of topics.

NewChapter

Dammit Aristeas! I read your first post a little while ago and have had to stop myself 3 times from belting out BE GLAD YOU NATIONS AND HIS PEOPLE. This is gonna be a bad day. LOL

NC

44

If I do not go and speak with the elders by Sunday, then he will speak with them on my behalf.

by TimothyT in

my friend called round before and has just left.

he told me that he was worried about me and that he wanted to speak to me as to why i havnt been going to the meetings or on the field service.

i told him that im just not discussing the reasons at all.

NewChapter

Good thing since they probably don't have college degrees.

19

Elder on my JC Killed in Warehouse Accident!

by jookbeard in

jw
friends

almost chocked on my cornflakes this morning reading the story in my local paper, not too sure how to embed the link but the sutton guardian.co.uk will have the story now.. basically dave churchill worked for a local catering company and was moving a stack of tables with some sort of trolley and they toppled down landed on him he died 2 days later in st george's hospital.. i'd known him most of my adult dub life and he was an elder in my ex wifes congregation, he also gave our wedding talk, he is survived by his wife elaine , they never had kids.. during my dissent into "apostasy" he was selected as one of the elders on my jc because he knew me but during my jc he came across and as an arrogant,self righteous,argumentative down right rude pos certainly showed characteristics that i had never experienced before and along with his "mate" on my jc another bellend named stan rogers started this bad cop/good cop shit on me during the 2 weekends on meetings, the other 2 on my jc chairman geoff woodfield and rensford ming showed themselves to be decent men.

3 amazing incidents have be felled these 2 men in the years that followed my jc, events that i've rarely mentioned much over the years.. isn't karma an amazing thing.

NewChapter

Wow, you heard the story about the young brother that went to a nightclub and was stabbed??? They need some new material. A CO told us that when the tsunami hit SE Asia none of the local witnesses died because they had gone inland to the KH to work in service. The only witnesses that died were a couple from Sweden that were vacationing and staying in a hotel on a beach. He said that was supposed to be a lesson for us---although I'm not sure what the lesson was since I knew a brother that died in a car accident while working in service. So no, the official teaching isn't that god kills people now, but unofficially they do a lot to support that narrative.

NC

44

If I do not go and speak with the elders by Sunday, then he will speak with them on my behalf.

by TimothyT in

my friend called round before and has just left.

he told me that he was worried about me and that he wanted to speak to me as to why i havnt been going to the meetings or on the field service.

i told him that im just not discussing the reasons at all.

NewChapter

I think United Church of Christ is pretty liberal and also Unitarian Universalists. You'd find a welcoming crew in either one of those.

NC

35

Do you know of any witnesses that went to Jail/Prison? What did they do?

by Iamallcool in

jw
friends

NewChapter

Let's see, I knew quite a few who went for things unrelated to the WT.

aggravated robbery

arson

check fraud

child molestation--2 of these

statutory rape

drugs

Most were reinstated while still in prison or soon after release. One will be in prison a VERY LONG TIME and I don't think has made any moves to get reinstated.