Posts by LDH

People are posting about issues which they know crosses a line, but which they are not able to protect themselves or their loved ones from. This I think, is the reason the JW religion and similar are so full of 'victims' rather than survivors. Frankly it's disturbing to see people who feel so helpless about basic everyday situations where others are trying to take their power. It's not like someone has posted, "Help, there's a nuclear bomb going off, how do I minimize radiation?"

Here's some basic definitions of the terms assertive, passive, and aggressive and some simple exercises to determine who you are, and how to move forward with being assertive.

Definitions

Aggressive

Aiming to win regardless of the other person.

Standing up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are violated.

Putting others down to make you seem better than they are.

Manipulating others, including tricking them, seducing them, or getting your revenge in
subtle ways.

Deriding, humiliating, belittling or overpowering others in order to win.
Assertive

Expressing true feelings thoughts and beliefs.

Feeling in control of what you say and do.

Standing up for your rights, choices and feelings in a way that doesn’t threaten others
or violate their rights.

Assessing a situation and making clear choices about the appropriate way to behave.
Passive

Having difficulty standing up for yourself.

Avoiding conflict or confrontation.

Giving up responsibility for yourself – not making decisions for yourself.

Playing the victim or martyr.

Not expressing honest and true feelings or thoughts.
Role-Play

It would useful to the participant(s) to have experience of an aggressive, passive and
assertive response for different situations and to be aware of what outcome each type of
response could lead to.
This would demonstrate that the assertive response usually gives a much better chance
of you getting what you want whilst considering other people’s feelings and needs.
Here are 8 examples of situations that could be used for role-play or discussion
to demonstrate the 3 different responses. You may wish to think of other situations
relevant to the participant(s).

You’re waiting in a shop to be served and someone pushes in front of you.
What do you say/do?

You’re at a party and your boyfriend/girlfriend suggests going upstairs for sex,
saying “If you loved me you would". You don’t want to. What do you say/do?

You want to have sex. You suggest using a condom but your partner refuses.
What do you say/do?

You’re queuing up to get into a club. A crowd of people approaches you and one
of them offers you an illegal drug. They are very persistent and you don’t want to
buy it. What do you say/do?

You and your mates are in town and you’re doing the driving. They’re pretty drunk
and keep pestering you with alcohol. “Go on, have another one you’ll be fine.
You can hold your drink." What do you say/do?

Your work mate suggests stealing something from the workplace. You’re scared
you might get caught. What do you say/do?

Your boss asks you to do overtime. You’ve already made plans and you
don’t need the money. Your boss tries to insist that only you can do the job.
What do you say/do?

You’re with your mates and they suggest going to a club, but you want to go home
for an early night as you have an interview the next day. What do you say/do?

http://www.career-productions.co.uk/PDFs/Life%20Tracks%20IYC%2015.pdf

I believe there are posters here to learn from to help you be more assertive in your life.

51

Major rant my Sunday at the Hall aka HELL, also need ladies opinion on creepy elder

by lola28 in

jw
friends

ok guys i thought i would update you on my sunday and how the study went.

i had to drive a few of the older sisters to the hall (one has a bum leg the other an injured hip and the other one has a hard time seeing), so i drove them to the hall and stayed for the meeting, here are some of my thoughts, first of the public talk.. i dont know how i made it thru the 30 minute talk without screaming bulls*it every other five seconds, the talk was about being no part of the world, and man it made me want to vomit.

first off, children are still discouraged from extra curricular activities, i dont know how they expect children to grow up and be able to function socially if they raise them to isolate themselves from their peers, dont they realize that they are raising social retards?

LDH

Nathan Natas, Have I told you lately that I love you?

51

Major rant my Sunday at the Hall aka HELL, also need ladies opinion on creepy elder

by lola28 in

jw
friends

ok guys i thought i would update you on my sunday and how the study went.

i had to drive a few of the older sisters to the hall (one has a bum leg the other an injured hip and the other one has a hard time seeing), so i drove them to the hall and stayed for the meeting, here are some of my thoughts, first of the public talk.. i dont know how i made it thru the 30 minute talk without screaming bulls*it every other five seconds, the talk was about being no part of the world, and man it made me want to vomit.

first off, children are still discouraged from extra curricular activities, i dont know how they expect children to grow up and be able to function socially if they raise them to isolate themselves from their peers, dont they realize that they are raising social retards?

LDH

Any ways I’m sitting behind him and after the meeting when the last prayer is over he turns around and takes my hand *shudders* then he leans in way close and says “have you missed me? Have you thought about me every day?” and he still would not let go of my hand, am I wrong to think that this was completely inappropriate and creepy?

Why do you ask people you have never met about a crystal clear feeling your human intuition is giving you? I kindly suggest you stop looking for validation and stop worrying about what others think.

Your brain told you everything you need to know.

I've been on these boards for years, and I really don't know you at all, but I do know that there are many women who play directly into their victim's hands because they don't want to be thought of as 'unfeminine' or 'not in subjection.'

44

I was told off twice for what I wore to Bethel....so the Hell with them!

by Witness 007 in

the first time i went to australia bethel during a holiday, we pioneer boys put on our best "going out" clothes, no ties just very smart, well groomed and neat.

the sister we stayed with said: "oh no you can't wear those clothes, you have to dress in meeting clothes!

" so we did, realizing we had shamed ourselves and our god.

LDH

Actually I think the most BIZARRE part of it is the fact that they even tell you how you can be seen in PUBLIC in the neighborhood!

40

MY DAD WANTS TO STUDY WITH THE KIDS

by thebigdebate in

i am in good standing (of sorts) with the wts.

i have not gone out in service for 10 years - i have not been to a meeting in about 2 years - i skipped last years memorial.

my dad is a pioneer and elder.

LDH

If your kids are above the age of ten, I completely disagree. Let them go. If you have done a good job as a parent they will be able to see bullshit from a mile away.

My children are welcome to go to any church they want to go to.

I'm completely comfortable in the knowledge that I've taught my children cultthink vs. reality.

24

A Neglected Revenue Source For California - Marijuana

by Elsewhere in

jw
friends

a neglected revenue source for california - marijuanaf.

aaron smith.

tuesday, january 13, 2009. only if you lived in a cave could you avoid news about california's dire financial situation.

LDH

Dinah, that's because it's still illegal in certain places on Sunday. No one runs Bud on Wednesday, do they?

81

Extreme Home Makeover Fresno--JWs don't help their own

by LDH in

jw
friends

so worldly people do it for them.. .

http://www.fresnobee.com/1040/story/1117887.html.

ok, i watch the show once in a while.

LDH

A silentone says "Leave religion out of this lady's show!"

Anyone that's ever watched this show knows that the themes of GOD and RELIGION are a big part of the show, and may of the people who have been showcased have deep religious views.

I wonder what your take on it will be once the show is edited and aired, and we're treated to hearing about her religion. Would your opinion change?

The fact is that show has featured 180 families that have been helped, and there are many whose churches have been deeply involved in nominating the winners as well as rebuilding the homes.

For years the Jehovah's Witness cult has been content to teach it's followers to "use the world but not to its full" -- in other words, how to take take take take take, and never give anything.

When I called the PO of the local congregation to ask if they might be interested in making a donation to help pay off the mortgage, which the community is doing, the PO laughed and said, "That's a gimmick and we don't support people who can support themselves." Oh, I said, are there programs for those that can't support themselves? He said, "We have a worldwide preaching work that helps people make their lives better."

When I reminded him that Jesus performed acts of charity WHILE spreading his message, he told me there are government programs to help people.

Hopefully I'll have recording tommorow to post of their "official position" on charity.

24

A Neglected Revenue Source For California - Marijuana

by Elsewhere in

jw
friends

a neglected revenue source for california - marijuanaf.

aaron smith.

tuesday, january 13, 2009. only if you lived in a cave could you avoid news about california's dire financial situation.

LDH

California should IMMEDIATELY legalize marijuana and tax it. I am for this 100%. However we won't get anywhere unless Barack swears to leave this decision to the will of the states, and not make it a federal issue.

Marijuana is treated the way alcohol was treated in this country in the 20's. Since it was legalized, when is the last time you heard of anyone running Budweiser on the black market? Legalize it, and tax it. Period, nuff said.

26

Rallying the gays!

by jstalin in

it's been a while since i've been on here and just wondering if any of the gays are still around... in addition, if you are gay and new to the board (or even been here a while), go ahead and introduce yourself!.

if you're gay and stuck in the organization, this is a good place to talk about it and meet other people that are or have been where you are.

it's not a choice and there are plenty of people out there who understand what it is like to be in your position!.

LDH

It's not a choice and there are plenty of people out there who understand what it is like to be in your position!

No pun intended!

I hope you all find the support you deserve. I have a close friend who is a gay JW and believes that staying 'busy in the truth' is how to deal with it.