Posts by bafh

152

How Long has it Been since you Last Attended Meetings and What Caused...

by flipper in

jw
friends

..... you to stop attending ?

injustices ?

disagree with the teachings ?

bafh

It has been about 4 or 5 years since I attended meetings. And I was on and off before that...And I've been back for Memorial, and funerals. I keep going to the Memorial because it keeps my mom from freaking out and I believe it is a command.

The last straw for me was my inability to ever really fit in. There is no real place for a smart, independent single-by-choice-woman (not pining for a man) business owner who doesn't think it is more righteous to be poor than self sufficient and isn't pioneering. I couldn't take the anxiety I experienced every time I went to the hall or thought about going. Since I have stopped attending, my anxiety is gone, my relationships with people have improved and I'm much happier with myself. I simply can't endure generating the amount of guilt that comes with sitting through those "encouraging" meetings.

bafh

14

ADELE ASL YOUTUBE VIDEO, WHAT DO YOU THINK AFTER WATCHING IT?

by Scott77 in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=pl31831ab63445c27c&v=a4q-pxwgwlc&feature=player_embedded.

bafh

She isn't really doing ASL, more English than ASL. Try this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0JD7mJEUtU

100

2012 annual meeting notes

by lostinthought in

jw
friends

sorry for the wait guys.... .

part one.

moorse had the opening comments talked about historic annual meetings.. .

bafh

My mom mentioned that the annual meeting announced international conventions every year from now on and that the Manhattan Project "setting up tables on the street" is going nationwide. Any news on , or did I miss that posting?

104

We will decide who is a predator! New Watchtower Instructions to Elders on Child Abuse

by Jaime l de Aragon in

must read on jehovahs witnesses watchtower arrogance in failure to warn of congregation pedophiles.. http://jwsurvey.org/cedars-blog/we-will-decide-who-is-a-predator-new-watchtower-instructions-to-elders-on-child-abuse?fb_action_ids=10151270345663993&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582.

.

bafh

I'm amazed that there is no mention of elders being mandatory reporters. If they want to exercise the "clergy" privileged communication, they need to consider themselves clergy and in most states clergy are mandatory reporters. UGH.

39

My fade has hit the fan!

by SophieG in

jw
friends

hi guys!

well the caca hit the fan!

a friend asked me why i am leaving the org and i told her.

bafh

THIS is exactly why I don't have those kinds of conversations. I either don't talk about it - or talk about being tired, anxious, and/or distracted with my business. I'm not sure I could handle this sort of reaction. I've got a small family, so if this happened, I'd lose everyone. My fade is going surprisingly well, we simply don't talk about it and I'm positive and encouraging to my mom about her spiritual activities - I have no desire to pull her out or change her mind about what she is doing. And my grandparents are very old and should be able to die in peace.

I'm sorry for your hassle, but I appreciate the reminder of what can happen and how good I've got it!

29

Advice needed please.

by tenene in

jw
friends

i've been a lurker here for about a year and a half.

i am a baptised jw(born-in).. i was a publisher in good standing until about last december when i stopped putting in fs time as well as attending meetings and conventions including this year's memorial.. i no longer believe in the teachings of the watchtower society.. about 3 weeks ago an elder and a ms from my cong came to ny house uninvited and told me they were just checking on me and wanted to find why i haven't been to the meetings for such a long time.

they told me it was not an official visit, but sort of hinted to me that if i don't show up then i might be getting an official one soon.

bafh

Here's my situation:

I haven't attended meeting regularly in over 2 years. I do however still attend the Memorial. I'm a 5th generation born-in. I live in a neighborhood with over 10 JW families who live closeby.

So the advice I gave above is what is currently working for me: I don't answer the door, give a phone number I never answer....I am out of town for work. I'm friendly, loving and kind to JWs when I see or talk to them. I don't answer any questions direct or indirect.

So far, it has worked. I haven't been contacted for any elder's meetings. If they've watched my home, I have not been aware of it - but I have also not done anything at my own home I wouldn't want to get caught at. I've been very discreet.

I realize that not everyone would tolerate living in this way - but for me - I appreciate the freedom from the meetings and the ability to still communicate with my family - it works.

This process is so individual that I don't think we can lay out a right or wrong way to do it - too many variables. Do what works for you with the amount of stress or discomfort that you are willing to tolerate.

Say as little as possible. Be loving and kind, and as real as you can without giving yourself up.

good luck. Let us know how it goes.

29

Advice needed please.

by tenene in

jw
friends

i've been a lurker here for about a year and a half.

i am a baptised jw(born-in).. i was a publisher in good standing until about last december when i stopped putting in fs time as well as attending meetings and conventions including this year's memorial.. i no longer believe in the teachings of the watchtower society.. about 3 weeks ago an elder and a ms from my cong came to ny house uninvited and told me they were just checking on me and wanted to find why i haven't been to the meetings for such a long time.

they told me it was not an official visit, but sort of hinted to me that if i don't show up then i might be getting an official one soon.

bafh

Fading is tricky especially if you have family that you want to maintain contact with and who are otherwise supportive. So those of you who were able to do it in one fell swoop are maybe in a different boat than those of us who need to do it slower. Let's remember there is no one right answer and we do well not to judge others on how they choose to handle their withdrawl.

29

Advice needed please.

by tenene in

jw
friends

i've been a lurker here for about a year and a half.

i am a baptised jw(born-in).. i was a publisher in good standing until about last december when i stopped putting in fs time as well as attending meetings and conventions including this year's memorial.. i no longer believe in the teachings of the watchtower society.. about 3 weeks ago an elder and a ms from my cong came to ny house uninvited and told me they were just checking on me and wanted to find why i haven't been to the meetings for such a long time.

they told me it was not an official visit, but sort of hinted to me that if i don't show up then i might be getting an official one soon.

bafh

1) don't answer the door unless you are expecting someone.

2) a fade is usually gradual, not cold turkey so as not to create a stir....if you have to, go occasionally - arrive late, leave early but be seen. come up with "i've been ill, depressed, working too much, blah blah blah...."

3) if people ask where you've been be sure to appreciate their concern, but practice giving no answer - "I appreciate your concern.I've been so overwhelmed with ______, and I haven't been feeling well. I'm doing the best I can. Thanks."

4) screen your calls. Get a Google Talk number that you can give to people that just goes to voicemail and that you never answer.

5) don't answer the door unless you are expecting someone.

6) I still attend the Memorial. One reason is that NOT attending the Memorial is sort of the last thing that brings attention that you may not just be weak, but an apostate. So, if you can bring yourself to attend, I'd reccommend it.

7) move if you can. doesn't have to be far, just out of your territory.

~ just my 2 cents

bafh

19

Self-shunning Syndrome / The Prime Directive

by cedars in

i've recently been reunited with some close family and friends having been away from them for some time in another country.

to begin with, i was a little apprehensive as to how they would treat me.

they don't know the extent of my feelings or knowledge (or what i've been up to!

bafh

well, there is something to be said about meeting people where they are. Everyone matures at different paces, emotionally, physically, spiritually. You wouldn't have a very personal conversation with a child, and you meet them at their level. This is somewhat the same. You interact with them at the level they can handle. Even Jesus withheld information the disciples were not ready to recieve.

It's not you are better than them, it's that you are relating to them in a way that promotes the relationship.

29

HOW DO YOU CONTINUE?

by angel.face in

jw
friends

lately i've been finding it more and more difficult to keep up a front.. .

before i learned the tatt i was the mover and shaker of our family.

i would study with the kids.

bafh

Yeah, I would play it cool. I don't have kids, but I do have children in my family that I am close to. I've heard more than once that a DA'd parent has to fight to keep their kids, and is portrayed in court as unfit. It really puts kids in the middle, and will do nothing to furthering your goal of having your husband and mother understand or even join you in your position.

You're getting good advice. Follow the AA motto: One Day at a Time. Don't DA, just for today.

I'm currently fading. I don't have anyone I'm trying to save, so it's probably easier - but I don't talk about why I don't go to meeting. At the same time, if someone in my life brings up something about the meeting or something that is important to them, then I am encouraging to them about it. It's not my place to change their mind. And, I think it keeps them from suspecting that I'm anything other than just "weak" and occupied with my work.

my .02 cents

bafh