I would have killed myself too. In fact, I tried at 26. By the time I stopped going to meetings, I was less depressed, but having full on anxiety attacks in the KH. Those stopped when I stopped going. For me, the scruitiny, and social clicks, and talks about "are you doing all you can??????" just added up to me wanting to run out screaming.
I realize that underneath, it was about knowing that I was not a "true believer" and never was and the anxiety about being found out. Now, the only place I have to really hide it is with my family. My mom is a pioneer, and a true believer. It's not my place to judge someone else's faith. So, I'm open, accepting, and pleasant about it.
Since I've left, I have made a few friends through Meetup, or by being on a board. I'm introverted enough to make making friends a challenge for me, and I am a little lonely, so I'm working on making more connections. I'm reaching out to some of the people I know who have already left that I actually connected with - I just have to keep it on the down low. As I'm trying to make my way, I've come to see how artificial the social environment is because you always have "instant friends" - they are superficial, boring and will stab you in the back - but you have like a TON of 'em. How great is that???
I think it is sort of hard making friends after that sort of conditioning, and I have been considering going back....I'm not sure I could do it, but I'm considering it.