Posts by lisaBObeesa

129

Only Jehovah's Witnesses

by Yvonne A in

i'm just new to this internet stuff and am studying with the jehovah's witnesses at present.please don't take my lack of knowledge as cheek.

i just want to know if it's meant to be only jehovah's witnesses using this site.

i fully intend to become baptised but was wondering if there's any security to prevent people who shouldn't be using the site and are maybe abusing it from doing so.

lisaBObeesa

Welcome.

I am an ex-JW who posts here.

I have friends and familiy who are JW.

I chose not to a JW for a number of reasons, one of which the way my mother is treated.

My mother escaped an abusive JW marriage. The JWs did not want her to leave my dad, the abusive mate. When she did leave, they would not let her have a 'scriptual divorce,' so she was forced to stay single......alone forever because my dad would never 'set her free.'

After living alone for some time, she met a man, fell in love, got married and was Disfellowshipped. Now my sister, her own daughter, will not speak to her or let her see her grandkids. My mom's best friend since kindergarten shuns her. The pain is unbelievable.

At first, she planned to get reinstated. And she tried. But the Jehovah's witnesses hurt her too much. They showed her no love. No kindness. No mercy. She realized that the JWs are not God's organization because they do not have the fruits of the spirit. It is all fake. She could not endure going to the hall for each meeting and being treated as if she were DEAD. No one should have to endure such emotional abuse. GOD certainly does not require emotional abuse to be endured or dished out by His followers. So now she does not want to be a part of that religion any more.

Be careful. Once you get baptised, the penalty for going against the millions of JW rules is to be treated as if you were DEAD. It is unnatural and wrong to treat people as if they were dead and it hurts to do so. It violates most people's conscience. You will be required to do so if you are a JW. Also, YOU could sin and be treated that way. You can't imagine the pain.

You just can't imagine.

76

The John Denver Issue, vote now.

by londoner in

jw
friends

this is for those of you who sent me a private message saying you dont believe me, your letting your old jw traits come out, you know, not believing things when the facts stare you in the face unless it comes from the org.

maybee you should go back and re join them.. to confirm what happened .

i was at a john denver concert in the uk many years ago, he asked all catholics to stand up, after he got them seated he did the same with church of england, then the same with a couple of other religions, after he asked all jw's to stand up he announced that the concert would not go on untill they had all left and he then left the stage.

lisaBObeesa

I need to see a press article (from a reputable paper) that confirms this for me to believe it.

39

Were your parents control freaks?

by Dustin in

jw
friends

growing up in the jw religion and having a dad who was an elder, i remember how controlling they were.

i find it amazing now just how much of my childhood i missed out on.

i couldn't watch alot of t.v.

lisaBObeesa

Yes, my parents were control freaks. Doesn't it piss me off?? Hell yes!! And yes, I am still angry about it..

Mostly because I keep discovering new and ever more upsetting ways it affects me in my adult life.

However, I am working to correct the damage done, so I think so I will be feeling much better and hopefully much less angry in the near future. Maybe one day I won't be angry at all any more.

I followed the rules untill I was about 16...then the sneeking out began!

How ironic that my parents really ended up having almost no control over me and they had no idea about my 'real' life, so they could not help me with any of my growing-up issues. They couldn't protect me from anything because they didn't know what I was doing.

That style of parenting really does not work out well.

29

Raising Kids to be Cult Members!!!

by lisaBObeesa in

jw
friends

in another thread, there is a discussion about young people leaving the jws at a rate of something like 88%.

we see the rules given to the sheep for raising their children and we shake our heads saying, dont they get it?

what is wrong with the org that it cant see how they are treating the youth?

lisaBObeesa

Like I said before ... I agree with all the research you posted. Doing it another matter.

What is your point?? You agree with the research, but....but what?? If you agree with the research, then you agree that being raised the "JW way" is harmful to children. There is no "but."

It is especially easy to write a book about parenting, when you don't have kids jumping on the net getting advice from complete strangers.

Do you think kids were kept locked in the house until they were 18 before the internet? Didn't you talk to people...at the mall, in the library, at the store, at school, at work....when you were are teenager? Didn't you read books? Teenagers talk to all kinds of people all the time, on-line and out in the real world, and parents can't stop that. And they SHOULDN'T stop it. Teenagers NEED to do that. It is part of a developmental need.

Worse when your kids are doing it and you don't know about it.

If you don't think your teenagers are talking to people about you (The parent) in an effort to vent and/or get advice, you are in denial. Period. And of course they are not going to tell you.

Everyone seems to agree with you that JW parenting is terrible. I'll have you know I turned out just fine.

You may and you may not have. I have no idea. This does not prove anything to me as I can't tell if you came out ok or not.

I admit I rebelled in my teen years but most worldly kids did too.

Again, what is your point? Kids in their teen years are SUPPOSED to rebel. That is a good, healthy thing!

The trouble is, JW kids are not allowed to do so. That is the abusive nature of beeing raised to be a cult member.

29

Raising Kids to be Cult Members!!!

by lisaBObeesa in

jw
friends

in another thread, there is a discussion about young people leaving the jws at a rate of something like 88%.

we see the rules given to the sheep for raising their children and we shake our heads saying, dont they get it?

what is wrong with the org that it cant see how they are treating the youth?

lisaBObeesa

I am bumping this thread for 'A Friend In Need'.....I am interested in her comments......

And because I am kinda proud of this old post..... :)

311

Urgent! Need help - I told my parents.

by filip in

jw
friends

we have just gotten home from sunday-meeting, when my mom ask me if i believe in god and so on.

so i tell her, cause you adviced me to be honest.

and despite all my fears, she took it very calm, and then told my dad whos also taking it calm, and it doesnt seem like theyre hating me now or want to throw me out of the house.. the thing is.

lisaBObeesa

lisaBObeesa ... thanks for presenting all that information. It all sounds good on paper. Terrific if you can carry it out. In the end though, each of us is responsible for our parenting skills and hope for the best in the end.

I think love is the main ingredient ... and kids know if they are loved. Even if a parent does all the wrong things ... kids know if they are loved. I happen to think Filip's father loves him. He may have anger control issues ... but who of you don't have any flaws?

Guess what? Love is not enough. I have a parent who loves me and my siblings. And he really messed us all up because he was a hyper-critical, controlling, AUTHORITARIAN, asshole who did not allow us to to have our own minds, express our own beliefs, or even our own feelings.

As a result, I am an emotionally and socially crippled adult...who often lives in a lot of pain.

But he loves us.

Sorry, but NOT good enough.

You are right, each of us is responsible for our parenting. My dad did not see any need to learn anything about bringing up children because he thought he already knew it all. Too bad for me and my siblings. Me, I'm hitting the books.

311

Urgent! Need help - I told my parents.

by filip in

jw
friends

we have just gotten home from sunday-meeting, when my mom ask me if i believe in god and so on.

so i tell her, cause you adviced me to be honest.

and despite all my fears, she took it very calm, and then told my dad whos also taking it calm, and it doesnt seem like theyre hating me now or want to throw me out of the house.. the thing is.

lisaBObeesa

Be glad you aren't my son, if I found out you were doing this behind my back. You think you have troubles now!

Child Development, anyone?

http://www.kidsource.com/better.world.press/parenting.html
Are you an authoritarian parent? This parent values obedience. Commanding the child what to do and what not to do, rules are clear and unbending. The parent pours the "right" information into the child who is considered an empty vessel. Misbehavior is strictly punished.
Rebellion often results from strict punishment. Spanking, which models violence as a solution to problems, is contradictory in a society which claims to value peaceful solutions. And children raised to follow the "expert" easily copy anyone, including undesirable peers

. *****************************************************

http://www.thesuccessfulparent.com/articles/styles.htm

The authoritarian style of parenting is focused primarily on controlling behavior to meet the expectations of the parents. All other aspects of the parent-child relationship are secondary to this focus, and as such, certain aspects of the child's development are hindered. The style is fairly rigid and requires unquestioned obedience without discussion or explanation. Explanations may be offered, however, they are not open for interpretation or exploration. Let's look at this style in terms of the four variables used above.

Behavioral Guidelines. Behavioral guidelines are rigid and highly enforced. They are set by the parents, and are usually presented in a black and white manner so that there is no room for discussion and/or interpretation. The system for enforcing these guidelines is fairly dictatorial, often employing punishments that are severe and beyond the scope of the behavioral infraction. The overall goal in this style of parenting is control as opposed to learning and promotion of the child's development of autonomy.

Emotional Quality of Parent-Child Relationship. The authoritarian style makes it difficult for the development of closeness between parent and child. Real closeness is based on a sense of mutual respect, and a belief on the part of the parent that the child has the capacity to learn self-control and decision making through both behavioral guidelines and his or her own cognitive capacities. The authoritarian style doesn't recognize the child's process of individuation and/or growing need for autonomy. The closeness that may develop with this style is in actuality pseudo-closeness, because it comes from the child's fear of displeasing the parent rather than desire to grow and develop. Children coming from this parenting style are often anxious and have higher levels of depression. They may also have problems with behavior and impulse control, especially when not in the parents' presence.

Behaviors Encouraged. The behaviors encouraged under this style are called "constraining" behaviors. The goal here is to control rather than encourage the process of thinking through a problem and making a productive decision. The overall quality of the guidelines is prohibitive and negative, and often quite punitive. One feels as though they are being instructed on what not to do rather than on learning a valuable lesson that will help them in future social situations.

Levels of Parent-Child Conflict. Excessive control without true closeness and mutual respect breeds rebellion. In other words, the authoritarian style of parenting can result in a lot of conflict between parents and children, even if not overtly expressed. The conflict may come in the form of children acting out in school, fighting with other children, or becoming involved in deviant behavior such as delinquency or substance abuse. At the other extreme, these children may be perfectionistic and overly focused on achievement at the expense of necessary emotional growth. In either case, the process of individuation necessary for becoming a high-functioning adult is hindered.

*************************************

http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner/ceduc/parentingstyles.html
Children and adolescents from authoritarian families (high in demandingness, but low in responsiveness) tend to perform moderately well in school and be uninvolved in problem behavior, but they have poorer social skills, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of depression.

60

What Is THE Number One Reason For JWs Leaving???

by minimus in

jw
friends

from what i can see, it's the "lack of love" that gets people to realize the witnesses don't have the "truth" after all!

lisaBObeesa

The number one reason for leaving could never ever be apostasy - that implies at least the rubbing together of two independent brain cells.
No, the number one reason - especially for the numberless younger people who are leaving in droves is... Boredom which, of course, induces apathy.

I think the young people may be smarter than you think and most of them who leave may indeed be 'rubbing together at least two independent brain cells."
But yeah, it is boring, too! And I bet some leave because of that.
My vote: More people leave because of lack of love than anything else.
Lack of love is absolute proof that can be SEEN and FELT. Proof that it is NOT God's organization. And it is the kind of Proof that the Org can't hide by telling people to not read books or the interent.

108

my transformation, I am showing off here...

by jwbot in

jw
friends

hey all, i just took some "after" pictures today and need to share with my friends.

as some of you know, i lost a bit of weight recently.

(by eating less, eating better and exersizing - it actually works sometimes!)..

lisaBObeesa

WOW! Great job! Sure the boobs are great, but you were born with 'em (lucky you!).

But that flat tummy must have taken some work! You look great and almost make me want to work out! I want to wear those size pants again...*sigh*

Great, great job.

9

Andrea Yates Murder Conviction is overturned...

by TresHappy in

the texas first court of appeals threw out today the capital murder conviction of clear lake mom andrea yates, who's serving a life sentence for drowning her children in a bathtub.

the three-member appeals court granted yates?

motion to have her conviction reversed because, among other things, the state?s expert psychiatric witness testified that yates had patterned her actions after a law & order television episode that never existed.

lisaBObeesa

why am I wasting my time reading about something that has nothing to do with this forum?

I donno, why are you?