Posts by SafeAtHome

118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

SafeAtHome

You are all so insightful.

elderelite, you've given me so much to think about. I knew it would help to have a man's viewpoint.

FlyingHighNow, I will look for the Reader's Digest. Thank you everyone, I feel I have so many new friends.

118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

SafeAtHome

shamus100, second smile of the day. You guys are a crazy bunch!

FlyinghighNow: My first husband (a JW) also cheated on me. My spouses 1st wife cheated on him. We found each other a little later in life, but it has now been 26 years. I know after that time things can get dull and routine, but what is it about men that they won't bring it up or talk about anything important? They easily get sucked in by someone younger who may be up for all the flattery BS, but that's not the real world. We were (are) a compatible match, we have a history, a daughter, family, etc. I really do think this is repairable, but I just don't know how to appraoch him about it. Like, how do I open the conversation without him becoming immediately defensive? I have talked about this with no one, except one person, who is close enough to observe and monitor things and has been a close friend for decades. That's why I reached out to all of you. It's easier to be anonymous like this, besides, this way I can get input and not broadcast to everyone we know what is going on. How is that? He is the one hurting me, yet I am protecting him and his reputation with all our friends and family? Typical woman, heh?

118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

SafeAtHome

Again, thanks for the input. If I were 30 years younger I could take the advice to confront it and move on. But, we are a few years from retirement and I keep seeing myself as a lonely old woman in a one room apartment with her cats. If anything, I am as much angry of the situation as I am hurt. I just see our "golden years" going down the toilet. However, I do agree it has to be confronted at some point. I am just biding my time until I feel it is no longer tolerable for my health or state of mind, or until I can find a little more out about how far things have gone. You guys have been wonderful to bounce this off of.

118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

SafeAtHome

cantleave my first smile in many days! Thank you

118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

SafeAtHome

Thanks guys, you make good points. PSacramento, you're right, no one should be OK with the person being loving with anyone else.

sizemik: "Either it gets repaired or you move on". That is where the fear is, what will happen when it is confronted. There are 26 years invested in the relationship.

118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

SafeAtHome

I'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time. If you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew? Would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person? Speaking of affairs, if it is an " intense emotional" affair, not yet physical, what is the liklyhood it would go no further and run it's course, or would telling him push it to the physical level? Thanks for the input.

18

Why do exJW family members not reach out to other exJW family members?

by truthseeker in

jw
friends

i don't know if this strange phenomenon is unique to my family but it seems that those who have left the truth have little to no interest in reaching out to those family members who have also left the religion.. it seems topsy turvy to me.

surely, there would be common ground and mutual support for those leaving/have left but this does not seem to be the case.. does anyone else have this problem?.

SafeAtHome

You might put it down to the mindset we had while we were in, that is, always feeling you had to "rat" someone out who you suspected of anything. Maybe those who have left are leery that if they say or do too much, even within the family, it may come back to bite them later. It would also depend on how close the family was previously. My family, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, were all very close. We are separated now by miles as well as differences of opinions. I have always been close with my sister who was the 1st to leave, long ago, and have recently become extremely close to a younger cousin who is no longer in. We email almost everyday and get together occasionally. He recently said how fantastic it was that we have gotten close because it is nice to have someone to talk to about all the crap that no one else (unless they were former JWs) would understand. He knows his brother and SIL recently had issues with the Witnesses, but is not sure of their status. I don't know why he is reluctant to come out and ask him, although his brother is the type to tell things like it is. He was never a strict Witness anyway, so I don't think asking would hurt, but I don't know, I really think it is the mindset that was "inculcated" (I hate that word) into us. It really should be something to bring us together, this feeling of freedom and escape, and as you say, common ground.

18

Anybody here from Romania

by skipperdino in

jw
friends

hi guys,.

just wandering if anybody here is or was from romania?.

skip.

SafeAtHome

I am 50% Romanian. My grandfather came to America in February 1912, he was from the Arad area of Romania. Not sure where my grandmother was from in Romania. My dad was 1st generation American. I grew up hearing the native tongue spoken among my grandfather, my dad and his 3 siblings. Back then, Akron Ohio had quite a few Romanians, they mostly belonged to the Baptist church. Some of them became involved with the Witnesses (may have been called Bible Students then) and got my grandpa involved. That was the beginning of it all for my family. There were a few older Romanians in our Kingdom Hall as I was growing up. We were of the peasant class (ha, ha). Did your family ever make freesa cleesa? I have no idea how to spell it, I am sounding it out. You sit over a campfire with a chunk of bacon and let the fat melt onto a big slice of thick, crusty bread. Some put chopped green onions on it, but as a child I liked it without. That's some good Romanian peasant food! Too bad, none of us kids grew up learning the language.

59

On my way to Cleveland for the 2011 "Let God's Kingdom Come" District Convention!

by MrFreeze in

well, i would be... if i were still going to meetings.

i live in pittsburgh, pa. for as long as i can remember we've always had our conventions in cleveland.

i think the year i was born was when we started going there.

SafeAtHome

Hey, Went to the Indians game last night (was a rain out after sitting there for 2 hours) and again saw Witnesses walking down the street. It was funny, some guys selling tickets on the street offered them tickets. They just shook their head and said they weren't going to the game. My daughter thought that was hilarious! With so many events up there all the parking was $20, instead of the usual $10. We usually park at a Catholic Church (ST Marons) but I KNOW the JWs wouldn't park there! Don't know why they would park so far away from Wolstein and walk so far in this heat. I never was at Wolstein, do they not have enough parking there for the events? Mr Freeze, like your new avatar. The Pirates are kicking some serious butt this year. Too bad the Indians are starting the slide to the basement.

42

Was there anything different about you that helped you escape the WT?

by Giordano in

for me i know it was because i was a reader.. i began reading books at the age of 13, this was in the 1950's.

because there were some serious family problems i had two escapes i could count on reading and associating with my friends at the kingdom hall.. as i devoured steinbeck, hemingway, wolf etc.

my world view expanded....it had to.

SafeAtHome

That is such a thought provoking question. Growing up in a JW family, and extended family, I often wondered what is was about my family that was so special that we were so blessed by Jehovah to be one of the few on the narrow path. Now, after having been out for 25 years, I often wonder what it is about me (and my sister, as well as a few cousins) that I am so LUCKY to have seen the light and walked away from this controlling religion. Maybe that is it, it is so controlling and I have deep resentment that I missed out on so much , mainly a college education. I was in high school in the 60's and it was repeatedly pounded into us that 1975 was just around the corner and a college education would be a waste. I was an honor student, taking all college prep courses (why, I don't know) and my teachers were baffled that I was not applying for scholorships that I would surely have qualified for. When I got married for the 1st time in 1972, my mindset was , "Well, at least I will have 3 years to know what it is like to be married and have my own home".

I always questioned so many things, mainly the unfulfilled prophecies that lead to wasted lives. When we first became witnesses, even though I was only 10, I thought it odd that there were so many older couples in the KH who had no children and so many older, single men. It was later I learned how in their youth they were discouraged from marrying or having children, just as my generation was from higher education. And, I never really felt a close connection, deep down. I was always embarrassed in high school when I couldn't stand for the pledge or alma mater or anthem. I didn't wear it as a badge of honor of my faith, but rather an embarrassment I didn't understand. Later, as a woman, I ALWAYS resented the diminishment of women and their intelligence and their abilities. I saw so many strong, resourceful women subject themselves to real a**holes with inferior intelligence. I personally knew of a few who even wrote their husbands parts on the service meeting because the men were not capable of doing it themselves.

When it came time for me to walk away, I did so without a look back of regret. There was just so much about the authoritative nature of this religion that made me bristle and made me feel empty. The feeling of freedom, even after 25 years, is something I am thankful for everyday. The internet and sites like this only strengthen my resolve that I am indeed one of the fortunate to have left.