IceBlue:
As you suggested I looked at the "Insight Book" under Marriage>Celebration. It may not be obvious on first reading, but under the heading "Proof of Virginity", it says:"After the supper the husband took his bride into the nuptial chamber. (Ps 19:5; Joe 2:16) On the wedding night a cloth or garment was used and then kept or given to the wife's parents so that the marks of the blood of the girl's virginity would constitute legal protection for her in the event she was later charged with lack of virginity or of having been a prostitute prior to her marriage. Otherwise, she could be stoned to death for having presented herself in marriage as a spotless virgin and for bringing great reproach on her father's house. (De 22:13-21) This practice of keeping the cloth has continued among some peoples in the Middle East until recent times." - Page 341, para. 7.
As the 'blood' is surely not that from a menstruating woman (that is not proof of virginity), then it seems to me that sexual intercourse was a necessary part of this 'security', as the act would break the hymen and cause some bleeding. If I have the wrong understanding of this then I would be pleased to hear why.
Obviously, in the case of Mary and Joseph we have a unique situation! In Matthew 1:18 Mary is spoken of as being "betrothed" (NJB) to Joseph. In verse 19, the word rendered "husband" is translated from the Greek word "aner" which basically means "a man (prop. as an indiv. male)" (Strong's Greek entry 435). So, at this time they were engaged to be married, but not married in the sense of being 'man and wife'. Going back to the Insight book, on page 727, it says: "The Hebrews viewed an engaged couple as bound as if already married, though cohabitation did not take place until the formalities of the wedding were completed." It appears to me that the engaged state was considered so serious because a vow had been made that the couple would eventually get married. Joseph was told specifically by the angel Gabriel not to be afraid "to take Mary home as your wife". She was pregnant before they had gone through with the actual 'marriage', because Joseph had not as yet taken Mary 'home'. It is stated, no doubt because of the unique state of affairs, that by the time Jesus was born he had had no intercourse with her (which would have been the usual thing after taking her 'home' as his wife).
Now, on the point about what make us 'us', I think we may have to agree to disagree, since your perception of what makes you 'you' is probably a lot different from my perception. However, I will give the subject a final consideration. I do agree with you on the fact that our physical-world personality is changing all the time, no doubt in some ways we do not understand. My problem is this. If our personality (qualities/traits) is, as I currently believe, based on a physical 'etching' of the brain, then it would be quite possible for another body to have its brain 'etched' with that same pattern. Rather like a computer program that is copied from one computer to another. Imagine if that were possible while you were alive. Would you consider that clone to be you? That is why I believe there is something beyond physical personality (as found in the brain) which constitutes the essence of us. When God breathed into Adam the breath of life, I believe it was something more that went into his body than just a blast of air. If there were not some 'inner' not-physical self that differentiated us from one another in God's eyes, then how would it be possible for a Christian to be 'converted' to life in a heavenly body?
At the end of the day, though, it is faith in God as knowing what is best and happiest for us that will act a comforter when we contemplate our future life. Of course we each are expert at seeing things from our own frame of reference. Please be assured that I'm not trying to contend with you or put down your view of things, for you may well be right and I wrong, and I would indeed be happy if this had a bearing on your happiness in the new system of things.
I wanted to make some comments on points raised by other posters, but this will have to await a more convenient time.
Kind regards.
PS: Sorry for the long post(s), but a long time ago I learned to touch-type, so I can get quite a bit of data from my brain to the 'page' in a short period of time. But if I've rambled, I do apologise!