Two main things: First, I had kids and felt like you, Torn. There was a lot of mistreatment of JW children that I observed and experienced (born-in 3rd gen). Second, I got a copy of COC and discovered that not only did the organization get it wrong on many documented occasions, but you could disagree with the org without being disagreeable. I was struck by the even-toned narrative of RFranz who highlighted the most distressing events without devolving into a rant. I'm not that good. I've taken some minor "stands" with my family, but they know my temperament and generally try to de-escalate the situation. Most all of my family on both sides are still in. It makes me sick.
Tapioca
JoinedPosts by Tapioca
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What triggered your doubts / awakening?
by Tornintwo ini am sort of new here, used a different username for a while but things got 'difficult' at home so i've since been lurking.... what i would be really interested to know, if you don't mind sharing, is what it was that triggered your doubts and initial research which led to awakening, was it a bad experience, injustice, changed doctrine?
for me, it was seeing mistreatment of young ones in the congregation, they're under so much pressure and as soon as they go even slightly astray they are shunned, either informally (as bad associations which pushes them further into the 'world') or formally - with elders dying to throw the book at them so they even lose their family.... ...then reading about child abuse issues in the press.... ...which led me to silentlambs.
...then jw facts, this forum and coc, wham!
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Wife just went to circuit meeting
by menrov inhi, for a couple of months now.
i stopped (after some 17 years) visiting meetings etc.
my intellect and conscience could not longer stand the lectures from the platform and in the magazines.
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Tapioca
If it is truly your view that the woman should submit to your wishes and not doing so is disobeying/disrespecting her husband, then I suggest you spend some more quality time with that "intellect" and "conscience" you mentioned. You cannot choose to liberate her from the borg by using the tactics the borg uses to treat women and children like slaves or worse. -
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Active posters: What education have you had, what degrees do you possess?
by EndofMysteries infrom so many posts and conversations on here, you'd think over 1/2 the posters here possess doctorates in theology, physics, biology, etc.
i'm curious aside from the books and research people have done here, what degrees they have.
to start, i just got an aa and going straight through full time to an mba.
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Tapioca
As I was fading, I went to college, so I did the BS, MBA, and doctoral route. I would encourage everyone to adopt the attitude of being a life-long learner. -
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Thoughts on "Going Clear," the Scientology Documentary
by OnTheWayOut ini managed to find a copy of "going clear" on the internet.
i won't post a link because most are loaded with pop-ups and you have to be careful about accidental downloads.
mine was no exception, but i managed to keep the computer clean.
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Tapioca
I don't know whether or not I can even bring myself to watch "Going Clear." I really appreciate hearing some of the most remarkable points observed by others. But deep in my gut, I get a sick feeling about this cult and the JDubs. It's almost a visceral reaction. Thanks for the posts from those who have read/viewed. Whew.
It's so scary and so dangerous to be convinced of your own infallibility. How smug and self-righteous they all are--even the leaders don't question the deep mysteries of the universe and our existence. You are right OTWO. It's frightening to think that having "all the answers" is possible.
In reading some of others' experiences on this site, I am so saddened. What a terrible waste of years and lives. We have to think that we are being good examples for someone, somewhere, who will consider our paths and what we have said...I have my own goals in this regard. It's a good thing to bring these cults to light for what they are. But right now, it's seems so sad that such foolishness thrives.
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Discussion with my wife
by New day ini had an interesting conversation with my wife today.
she revealed that she had been deeply hurt by bros and sis reactions to her as she has not been to meetings for a while due to physical and emotional probs.
when she meets jws in the street they cannot cope with her and are often very cool towards her.
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Tapioca
Very perceptive of you to see the difference in points of view (yours and hers), generally and, in this case, specifically. You call if an interesting conversation, TheListener calls it a Great conversation, and Butyoucanneverleave calls it "questioning." This is marvelous! Fantastic! Outstanding that you can have those kinds of conversations and you are able to see their not-so-hidden meaning and their possibilities. You really have a good thing going there and I agree that the more seriously understanding you are and the more accepting of her real personality you can be--there's your strength/sweet spot. Good luck with continued conversations on these matters! Her ttatt may look different from yours. -
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I received my acceptance letter into Nursing School.
by adjusted knowledge ini've been actively pursuing a career change for quite a few years.
i've applied for nursing programs at several local public colleges.
the competition is high for this limited access program.
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Tapioca
Congratulations! You will be an asset to the program. WTG.
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Wife is not gonna cave in. This is getting to be a bit Rediculous already
by NoMoreHustle ini have not posted in a bit.... life basically as a fader sucks!!
when my wife just does not get it & i don't know if she ever will.
marriage is great for the most part, but this religion is starting to drive a wedge between us & it really sucks!
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Tapioca
The advice you see on this forum is wise. Hold up, wait, wait, wait. You may be giving away too much power at this stage, so it's tough to just "get into a place where mentally you can cope." That's a pretty tall order. But you can do it. Sublimate all your frustration at the religion into feeding the relationship that belongs to you and your wife. Be that husband. Make certain that she knows how great the marriage is for you (you can hold back on that "for the most part" for her!).
Show her mostly that happy self. Please do not overwhelm her b/c she will be forced to take sides. You want her beside you. Giord has a very good point. Make it about them, not about you. It's just that you're having a little melt down with the child molestation issue and you need some time. You are processing. You may even have knowledge of someone (a close friend or relative) affected by this very issue and it's hurtful.
You may want her to go to some of the activities without you, but not b/c you don't want to be by her side, but because you are having this crisis in confidence internally. You don't want to alienate anyone or cause her worries. Heck, you really want to be with her more!
You may have to memorize some of Searcher's best lines there...practice them in front of the mirror until you can say them with feeling and conviction. Then use the broken record technique for prying busybodies.
We all wish the best for you. Every situation is different. Be cool. If all you can do is meetings, then just do meetings.
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Wife is FOR SURE waking up
by cappytan inwell, this is a new development.
she broached the subject of ttatt tonight.
said i was right about the flood.
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Tapioca
Congratulations! Thanks for sharing. Such a delicate dance you are in--with such lasting repercussions! TIME is your best friend and ally right now. Wonderful, just wonderful! -
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Your first time on this forum. What were your thoughts and feelings?
by stuckinarut2 inhey all,.
i was just thinking back to the first time i found this awesome forum...years before i eveni joined up and starting posting myself.. i was so encouraged and happy to see that i was not alone!
i was not the only one who was observing the org, and all of its aspects and thinking "seriously?
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Tapioca
In some ways, all of our stories are the same. But all of our stories are different, too, and those differences have really helped me a lot. Even if one person's views are still dogmatic and harsh, it's good to see...this too, shall pass. Isn't there just nothing in the world as boring as a convert? LOL
When someone in the forums is positive and up-building, I appropriate the encouragement for myself!
After many, many years "in" I was able to design and execute my fade. Not easy in a Total Dub Family! My greatest joy in life is to provide a touchstone for the ones who come after me--to help them think things through and work out a longer story arc than just next week or next month. From "scared and nervous" to "sense of comfort" to "sanity savior!" We're all working on being a kinder, gentler EX! Thanks to all for sharing.
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What are your experiences having Jehovah Witnesses work for you or you work with?
by adjusted knowledge ini've managed several thousand employees in the last decade.
i've had a handful that identified themselves as witnesses.
from experience, they were no different than any other employees.
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Tapioca
There are so many ways that such an incestuous relationship could go wrong that I'd be inclined to just say NO. AK, you said, "They never paid me." That's a downer! The other side of not getting paid is getting paid under the table. I know of people who have worked for years and years--no insurance, no withholding, etc. And because The End is so near, these abused workers never thought they would need the major medical or hospitalization. They sure as heck didn't think they would need the Social Security (U.S.).
The son-in-law (he's an attorney in private practice) always threatened to hire Dubs b/c they didn't have to have holiday celebrations and decorations year 'round. No birthdays, etc.
My own experience of 35 years in the Borg have been mixed; just like Bungi Bill, it's tough to say how much of the positive/negative came from the cult and how much came from the individual's personality.