Posts by Tapioca

32

At This Point In Time How Would You Feel If You Were Disfellowshipped?

by minimus in

jw
friends

before my mother's death, it would have impacted me.

now , i wouldn't care..

Tapioca

Before my mother's death, it would have impacted me. Now , I wouldn't care. ---minimus

This sums it up for me. Even though my father was never a JDub, he was supportive of Mother. Because they are both gone, I have a great deal more freedom. I can make the snarky comment or expose my own beliefs to other members of the family. Some of them are real a&&holes, so it doesn't really matter to me that they ignore our section of the family. On the other hand, I have been able to bring up some issues to some of the thinking ones of the family and we have had good discussions. I really try to leave the Dubs who are so very fragile alone. If I think there is an opening, though, I really go for it! LOL

One of the greatest joys of my life is that none of my children are involved in the cult. As TU sez: Contentment and happiness come from within. If someone (family or friends) no longer wants to be in our life, then they can hit the exit.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm totally a coward in that I wouldn't really "take a stand" to Mother. In my opinion, she was one of the "fragile ones." There are people who just don't want to see what monumental mistakes they've made in life. They don't want to face the loss of all their pretty dreams for the future. The lives that have been shattered due to false teachings and the judgments from men whose brains are the size of a lima bean...what a waste, what a waste. I have appreciated being on this forum because all kinds of differing viewpoints are represented with a general acceptance of all. Someone asking for advice is bound to get opposite points of view and that can be really helpful. It's a comfort to know that others have struggled with these issues, continue to do so, and in some cases, have overcome the challenge and are truly FREE.

7

My son was accepted to prestigious universities

by never a jw in

jw
friends

some background needed.

five years ago i decided to research what i thought was a good religion, the religion of my jw wife, to whom i have been married for almost 23 years.

what prompted my research was my then 14 y.o.

Tapioca

Excellent, NAJ! Really stellar! My higher ed experience is on the east coast, so I will allow others with more relevant intel to step up here. How could either be wrong, though? When my daughters chose east coast universities, it seemed like a long way from home but they turned out to be very successful decisions. A tip of the hat to you and your family!

20

Feeling the Guilt

by Saethydd in

i'm currently disfellowshipped and living at home with my parents, but because they are both still devout jws i have to keep going to the meetings and crap because i don't want to risk getting thrown out until i finish college or find a job that will let me support myself and go to college.. yesterday, my mother rode with me to the meeting and told me how much my best friend and my oldest sister are missing me, and it just tears me apart because during the meeting i was practically counting the minutes till it was over.

it didn't help matters that i had to sit with my family because the library was closed off, thus forcing me to follow along with the meeting on my tablet instead of reading something useful or interesting like i normally do.. when i got home i just cried out in frustration because it feels like no matter what i do, i am making the wrong choice.

either i have to keep pretending to support an organization that has caused so much pain to so many people, or i have to abandon my family and friends to it so i can save myself.

Tapioca

What the emperor sez: You're smart, you've figured this out young.

Might I add that it is a false dichotomy that you only have two choices: Either I have to keep pretending to support an organization that has caused so much pain to so many people, or I have to abandon my family and friends to it so I can save myself. There are many gradients in between those two polar opposites. You're smart. You're young, you can figure the rest of this out. Your situation is like no one else's and yet, it's like all of our own experiences. Take the advice here that helps you. Leave the rest. We're all supportive. Think of your many alternate paths out...and yes, get that education. You're smart. You've figured this out young.

5

Ask a Brother, Tell a Sister

by Tapioca in

i have been faded for years and years.

no one cares about my standing in the christian congregation any more.

so one day, my husband came up with this won-der-ful idea for a jdub button.

Tapioca

Sorry for confusion! Yes, SBF, it's a badge or something like a political message or electioneering slogan. Hubby and I think it is funny that the old male white borg would approach a man (follower/leader, doesn't matter) differently than a woman. After living in that cult for many, many years, I feel strong for being able to poke fun at their obvious prejudice.

So the punch line is that appealing to a male of the species takes more energy (requires thoughtful consideration) than appealing to a female of the species. She can just be told what to do. There. Everything fine. Smiddy has it. The boys have all the answers and the girls have s#@*t.

BCat, I never thought about wearing my imaginary button; however, you bring up a good point. I don't go to KH anymore but yes I wonder how long it would take and who would approach you to remove a "controversial" scriptural reminder!

Again, thanks all!

5

Ask a Brother, Tell a Sister

by Tapioca in

i have been faded for years and years.

no one cares about my standing in the christian congregation any more.

so one day, my husband came up with this won-der-ful idea for a jdub button.

Tapioca

I have been faded for years and years. No one cares about my standing in the Christian congregation any more. So one day, my husband came up with this WON-DER-FUL idea for a JDub button. Yep, you guessed it! "Ask a Brother, Tell a Sister!" Sheer genius.

I thought of it again today when I noticed the pictures of old white men as leadership. I was looking through the post about upcoming tours at SeaOrg, I mean Watchtower HQ.

Thanks to so many for so much support over the past few years. And I'm pleased to report that I've worked at helping others help themselves effect their own exit--so much more satisfying that going door-to-door, eh?!

22

The Timing of Telling My Parents My College Plans.

by WeatherLover in

jw
friends

i know that at some point i have to tell my parents that i'm planning to go to college.

i basically have two options:.

1. tell them early.

Tapioca

If you are in the USA, there should be a community college nearby that will help you obtain transferable credits to the 4-year program. Such an interim plan might save you thousands of dollars in the long run. Are you taking any AP or IB course which will exempt you from remedial or even intro courses which would help speed your completion rate? Carla has a good idea plus you need to develop a good relationship with HS counselors who will help you ID and compete for the local contests Carla mentions.

Meeting attendance for >2yrs while not believing is rough. You might be able to continue to be flexible with this as it could protect your maj med/healthcare insurance for the next several years. Complete a FAFSA asap. It will give you the EFC (expected family contribution) regarding your higher education. You can always update it as needed.

This is important. This is your future. Again, know your options, don't be afraid to be clever and innovative with your solutions, and keep your eye on that prize!

22

The Timing of Telling My Parents My College Plans.

by WeatherLover in

jw
friends

i know that at some point i have to tell my parents that i'm planning to go to college.

i basically have two options:.

1. tell them early.

Tapioca

1. How old are you now and how old will you be when you start college?

2. Are you baptized?

3. Why do you have to stop going to all the meetings if you are going to college. The two are not mutually exclusive and your parents could very well be helped by your attending once in a while, even if you do not like it.

4. Simon has a great suggestion for opening the discussion.

5. Do you have somewhere else to go in the meantime? Would your parents "kick" you out, or would they take the tack of trying to keep you close so that they could run interference if possible?

6. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: Good for you for considering your options in an attempt to maximize your success and minimize the hurt to your parents. Do you think one or the other of them might secretly wish for you to obtain a college education?

10

Leaving a small minority group.....

by The Rebel in

jw
friends

has a profound influence on our life.

on the one hand we have the background of our childhood, our upbringing, but when we leave and become apart of society, our witness traits and their set of beliefs are not tailored to fit in.

however as i slowly learnt to know longer judge from the perspective of my witness life, i also learnt i am simply an ordinary person.

Tapioca

There is much value in the difficult work of leaving "us vs. them" behind and embracing our human one-ness. I agree that it's stifling to always be at cross purposes with every other person on the planet. Using energy to greet others, to be aware of their needs, and to not disrespect them is fun! It's a lot more fun than categorizing them as evil, not-worth-it, goats.

That learning curve is still challenging me...but the outcomes have been excellent.

26

Do you think I should get something for my wife for her birthday?

by schnell in

jw
friends

my wife is still nominally in, but only because it "makes me (her) happy".

there is nothing academic about her beliefs and when i try, she interprets me as negative.. but then she cusses like a sailor and watches certain movies with me.

her birthday is coming up and it's also right around valentine's day.

Tapioca

DOC:

My opinion is that you'll have to do the homework (see other posting by Schnell). He used previous discussion to launch a verbal investigation. You may have to do the same. There may be subtle clues you can pick up. Also, do not dismiss asking someone of her friends to help you out. For a woman who has everything, you want to get her something that she would like to have, but wouldn't purchase for herself. Make it all about her.

What a bunch of fun to celebrate someone's life! And their impact on yours! Good luck, man.

42

New here..help greatly appreciated

by Confusedandangry in

hi everyone i don't even know where to begin.

i recently saw leah remini's series on scientology thanks to my husband (semi-active jw) and i felt like my eyes were being opened for the 1st time in my adult life.

i felt shaken almost sick to my stomach with each episode i watched.

Tapioca

Welcome and Best Wishes, CNA.

The burden you have been bearing, unintentionally, for years, is being lifted. Oh it's a heavy one all right! In its place is another weight. You will probably welcome that "other" weight. It's a whole lot lighter than the previous one, but let me tell you: The transfer can get a bit tricky.

Others here have said it better: Stay in your current holding pattern. Don't get so far off balance that you yourself fall. You may be able to help others wake up as you plot your path forward. As time passes, you will be able to look fondly at this time of transition. So welcome to a place where you are safe to think and to process and to vent. This is also a place where you can seek and attain balance, taking the best and leaving the rest. The community here is good like that. We're so happy for you!