Posts by StephanieH

9

Life After Escape!

by StephanieH in

so it has been about a year and a half since i left the jw's, it has been a long hard road but my life is finally great!

i have actually had several recent magor changes in my life but i feel the peace in which i have been searching for.

i just spent a month with my mom which was nice even though it didn't go as planned it was good to get to know her a little better.. i actually just moved back to the town i left so that i could be with my mom who is the only family i have left that excepts me.

StephanieH

So it has been about a year and a half since I left the Jw's, it has been a long hard road but my life is finally great! I have actually had several recent magor changes in my life but I feel the peace in which I have been searching for. I just spent a month with my mom which was nice even though it didn't go as planned it was good to get to know her a little better.

I actually just moved back to the town I left so that I could be with my mom who is the only family I have left that excepts me. I just moved in with my girlfriend which how that happend is a whole different story.. :) Anyway my dad still thinks I am still living with my mom out of state and I don't plan on telling him that I am back here. I figure he and the other JW's here who know me will find out eventually but I don't even care anymore.

Freedom.. It's the best feeling to just be myself. I just hope that others trapped in the org can see the light and find what it is to truly live. With all my heart I do miss my sister and most of all my nephews and niece. I wish that they didn't have to grow up with such blindness but all I can do is hope they someday will find happiness like I have. Anyway I know now that dispight all I have lost I have so much more now.

22

I need help! i am in social limbo!

by Free!! in

jw
friends

i was wondering if some of you can give me some advice in how to get over the fact that i feel so inadequate when trying to make new friends!!

since i left the borg i have only made about 2-3 close friends... the wts ruined my social skills and i am so depressed because i am afraid of the real world... i know i am ready to move on... but i dont know how.. i feel like i dont belong in there but i dont belong out here either... i am in social limbo.. and it sucks to have no friends.. .

when i was in i hated the weekends because i was basically forced to go to service, now i hate the weekends because if the few friends i have are busy w their families or partners i am stuck all by myself... :( please give me some pointers i feel super lonely!

StephanieH

@Free!! I know how you feel I am in the same boat. Since I have left I have found it very hard making new friends and moving on. My heart goes out to you as I feel your pain! (btw you have an email message)

27

~Moving forward..searching for a good therapist~

by freeflyingfaerie in

alright, that's it!

after writing this, i am on a serious search for a good therapist~.

i've been coming here on and off for a little over a year now(wish i had found it sooner) ...for validation and clarity in my feelings about how hurtful the religion is...so i don't feel so alone about it, and so i don't feel like i am losing my mind~.

StephanieH

It has been like that with my father since I left he has his moods where he's almost human and even sometimes fatherly. I still go to therapy and am also going to college to become a therapist because it has been the biggest help for me.

You have guts! You know what you're doing therapy can only help and if it's not for you then something else will be. Glad you got to talk to you sister Stay stronge, I know that in my dad's moments of rare normal fatherly behavior that is the real him... Every once in a while even they 'slip up' and show their normal human side. I try to remember they still love me they are just blinded by the cult mind. I shunned many people, even my own mother for a while, now I'm on the other end. Although it hurts like nothing else I know I am a better person now because now I am the real me. Take those moments when they come but always stay on guard don't let them put the blinders back up, I have seen it happen many times.

36

New Here!!

by Free!! in

i've been watching from the sidelines for a while... reading about your experiences and it has helped me a lot!!!.

i am a 27 yo girl, i converted into a jw @ 20, at was going thru a difficult time in my life and they bastards sucked me in!!!

i did not realize how controlling things were going to get... about 1 year into my study i moved w another single sister and then baptize, looking back i think i went thru w baptism because i fell pressure by the "loving" congregation that wanted the best for me... i remember coming out of the pool and one of the brothers saying "another victim" and taking a pic of me... anyways, that wasn't the worst of it.... remember single female!!

StephanieH

10

Wake up CALL! It's time to shake off the JW's attitude/personality!

by StephanieH in

this weekend i found myself again working on my day off, not because i had to i just didn't want to sit at home alone.

when i told my mom on our daily phone call that i was working again over the weekend she told me that she was worried because over the past few months i have been "over working" myself.. when i got home i sat in my apartment alone, tired, and depressed.

i phoned my mother once more and we talked for a long while, and cried together.

StephanieH

Thanks everyone for the comments! I've put a smile on now even when I really don't feel like it and to my surprize it seems to be working!

It's amazing how a simple smile can spread and grow into the many laugh's I've had today and today I love the time I've spent just trying to let myself loosen up and shine!!!

Now it is time to spread the true "GOOD NEWS"!!!!!!!

27

~Moving forward..searching for a good therapist~

by freeflyingfaerie in

alright, that's it!

after writing this, i am on a serious search for a good therapist~.

i've been coming here on and off for a little over a year now(wish i had found it sooner) ...for validation and clarity in my feelings about how hurtful the religion is...so i don't feel so alone about it, and so i don't feel like i am losing my mind~.

StephanieH

From personal experiance going to therapy saved my life. I actaully started seeing a therapist under court order as a child when my parents divorces and my mother was pushed out of the congregation. I went off and on for sevral years, then over the past couple years I made myself go and really open up and talk. It was through talking to my therapist and case manager who works with the therapist that I found my way out. In a way they have been holding my hand through the rough waters.

Therapy doesn't work for everyone just as anything else we are all different. But I know it has helped me and will continue to help me. Unfortunatly in my area I have been unable to find a therapist who has worked with people who have been in a cult, but as I have talked with my therapist I've been able to pretty well work out what I really already knew. Sometimes it just takes someone who is there to listen and help as they can for us to be able to work out all of the little knots tied inside our minds. You sound like you have done wonderful so far, and brave to seek a therapist.

And if you ever need/want you can PM me or I'm sure anyone else here to talk to. Hang tough it's a fight but strength can be found even from our weakest points.

10

Wake up CALL! It's time to shake off the JW's attitude/personality!

by StephanieH in

this weekend i found myself again working on my day off, not because i had to i just didn't want to sit at home alone.

when i told my mom on our daily phone call that i was working again over the weekend she told me that she was worried because over the past few months i have been "over working" myself.. when i got home i sat in my apartment alone, tired, and depressed.

i phoned my mother once more and we talked for a long while, and cried together.

StephanieH

This weekend I found myself again working on my day off, not because I had to I just didn't want to sit at home alone. When I told my mom on our daily phone call that I was working again over the weekend she told me that she was worried because over the past few months I have been "over working" myself.

When I got home I sat in my apartment alone, tired, and depressed. I phoned my mother once more and we talked for a long while, and cried together. I realized that what she said was true that I never give myself time to enjoy my new freedom. At one point she asked, holding back tears I could tell, "Stephanie, what happend to my baby girl? You used to do anything to laugh, you always smiled even on a bad day.. The JW's beat you down, made you grow up to fast." She then went on to apoligize for her absence in my life and how she blames herself, I told her I know that it wasn't her fault and she has nothing to be sorry for but that 'they' did. We cried some more together and I realized again she was right!

Then yesturday one of my friends called me and asked if I could help her to move. After we finished moving her things we sat and talked (we have only known each other a few months) she told me that I always seem down and never enjoy myself. She also told me that she knows that the real me is a fun loving beautiful person and that isn't who I usually seem to be.

Having my mother and someone who hardly knows me tell me pretty well the same thing, I was shocked! I stopped and thought about it and realized that I have changed so much because of the JW's negative, depressing attitude instealed in me I have hidden the real me. I have known this but hearing it made me see that I have to shake off the JW mind frame, which will take time. I told my mom that no matter what it takes her baby girl will find her way back.

So here is to all of use who are still trying to shake off that 'cult' controled mind frame/personality, we are human beings, each uniquely designed, and we all diserve better than what the JW's created of us. Here is to setting/finding our true selves, the person we were born as not the one who has been programmed by the JW's.

It's time to shine! To live, love, laugh, and enjoy each day of our lives! I ask for others to join me in my journy and start in their own as we all find our inner joy!

46

I love gays :)

by freeflyingfaerie in

some of my favorite people are~.

after leaving the religion, my lesbian couple friends were the most compassionate people, and i will always love them!.

i am heterosexual, but find gays to be absolutely fabulous!!.

StephanieH

FFF, I had commented earlier on this and as an openly gay person I understand what you mean. To the 'others' who discriminate against us it is truly their loss. It is great to find people who are accepting

I have lost so much, even outside of the JW's because of being gay. And it is heart warming each time I find someone who sees that we do love, feel, and live just as a straight person. And to those who don't understand, at least in my eyes, the term gay is acceptable really it is a part of who I am. I also know what you mean by it being hard to speak without someone missunderstanding or twisting things because life is not in black and white but many many differents shades of color.

18

A Typical Witnessing Letter from JW Family

by mummatron in

thought i'd share this as this is a typical example of the kind of letters i get very occasionally from my jw family.

in this instance it was sent as my daughter had spent some time in hospital.

note, very little information in terms of family news.

StephanieH

I actually have been able to keep some contact over the years with my mom. We finally got to see each other for the first time in over six years a couple month ago, although she has never 'recovered' from her life as a JW I am trying to help her along my way, we keep contact and plan to see each other in the near future (we have both moved away from where I grew up).

Inside everyone of us, uniquely designed, we all have strength to go through the worst of time. Everyone keeps saying how brave I am, how strong I am, but I know there must be some reason I managed to find this strength. I was always the shy one who didn't speak up nor take up for myself. Now somewhere I found courage, mostly through seeking, reading anything I can get my hands on, and in my case therapy has been a great help.

And I completely know what you mean having friends like sisters. As the youngest of in my family, my two real sisters and one step sister(who was also df'ed) my step sister is more of a sister than my real sisters and I have some wonderful friends who are like sisters to me, even a mother or two. Hold onto those who truly love you, the ones who stand by your side. I lost sight of that for a while and still need reminders at times. The people who love you most and who are willing to stand beside you when times are tough, that is your true family.

This To Shall Pass as an old friend of mine would I know be telling me right now. Hang tough, I think most here understand us.

18

Need your shunning experiences, written or on video

by jwfacts in

i have added a new page at http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/experiences/shunning-experiences.php with short experiences from people who have been shunned.

i would like more to add.

please feel free to post comments on how you are being treated and the affect it is having on their lives.

StephanieH

I left about six months ago from the JW's even though I had no where to go I had to get out. I was so ashamed of living a lie and most of all lying to my family. My oldest sister who for the most part raised me has been the one who I've found being shunned by hurts the most. When I left I had to stay in a shelter for a short while and since I am from a small town I pretty much had to stay at the shelter until I found means to move.

At first I lied to my sister because I wasn't sure how to tell her where I was or that I was not only leaving our fathers home but also their religion. My sister is 31, she married in 'the truth' and has three beautiful children. Her kids have been my world since the day I found out she was going to have her first son. He is almost 8 now, his younger brother is about to be 4, and their baby sister is 2. My sister, once I finally told her that I was leaving the JW's, lost it as I explained to her why I was leaving. It came down to one thing in her eyes, not all of the wrong that we had both watched go on for years within several congregations, she simply could not get over the fact that I finally came out and told her that I was gay.

She went on the typical JW rant on how wrong homosexuality is and how I should simply erase those thoughts and marry a nice brother. Since then I have only heard from her twice. I send her a text message and call about once a month trying to get word. She has only responded twice in six months! It is always short and sweet. I simply asked how they were holding up in some recent bad weather, once when we had snow in Feb. the other was a few weeks ago when I found that a tornado hit near by where she lives. She simply replied that they were fine and that they had passed the mini carnival in town and the kids asked about me (this broke my heart because it was the first she'd mentioned the kids since I left and I always took them to the carnival.) In tears I texted her back then called both her cell and home phone left her messages all evening until I cried myself to sleep.

We had always been so close and her kids were like my own. My heart is broken. Being told how horrible of a person I am, how worthless, and that I could no longer see or speak with my nephews and neice has been the biggest of all daggers in my heart. The one I looked up to my whole life now looks at me in shame, she simply turned her back and took her kids (my world) away with her.