Posts by sickandtired

5

Social Media is the answer...

by Momma-Tossed-Me in

jw
friends

social media has and will continue to hurt the watchtower, please keep up the effort to reach people via the internet.. watch this video it is great:.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvvck3_regc.

Good video! For those dubs that think Facebook is the devil (like the majority of my family)...well, this well attests to the fact that social media is part of our lives - like it or not - and it's not going anywhere. I agree that it will severely affect the WTS too. How quickly it will affect them remains to be seen.

72

Why Elders leave the Organization and why their Wives stay.

by stuckinamovement in

jw
friends

i have talked to quite a few brothers who have served as elders and servants and left the organization.

in most cases their wives have remained in despite the husbands best efforts to persuade his wife that the organization is wrong.

even though the wife can see problems within they continue to press on in service to the society.

sickandtired

Thanks for the kind words, Greybeard. I have looked at that site and it has helped me.

Thanks for the hug, NRFG - needed that!

Billy, I'm trying to be clear-headed about this and look for ways to help him think outside the Watchtower box. It's difficult and I hope that I can help him to see that the GB are just human. I am careful about making sure I've closed my browser now! LOL

PTN, looks like we're in a similar position and I feel for you. It's soul crushing sometimes. I just try to appreciate the little things in life - the things that sometimes I used to take for granted. I used to think I was going to live forever - now, as I've told my husband before, I see myself getting old and dying.

Yeah, I use the InPrivate so that he can't see my activity. I hate being dishonest like this, but this religion forces you in this position as soon as you don't agree and realize you're surrounded by family and friends who'd drop you like a hot potato once they found out and couldn't get you to agree to their POV.

72

Why Elders leave the Organization and why their Wives stay.

by stuckinamovement in

jw
friends

i have talked to quite a few brothers who have served as elders and servants and left the organization.

in most cases their wives have remained in despite the husbands best efforts to persuade his wife that the organization is wrong.

even though the wife can see problems within they continue to press on in service to the society.

sickandtired

I wish my husband was one of those elders:( Right now I am playing along and doing what an elder's wife should. My husband discovered I was on this website because stupid me forget to close the browser window. He questioned me and I was truthful about my feelings about "the truth". He of course said I should talk to other elders since he felt it was beyond him to help me. I cried and expressed to him that I had a change of heart after reading some WT articles on apostacy. He said he would not make me talk to the elders since I said I had a change of heart. I really did try to stay away from this website and change my thinking, but the doubts just kept resurfacing (I couldn't unlearn everything I had learned about "the truth" at that point). I've found myself reading on here more than ever.

I'm not attached to anyone in this religion and would readily leave it all behind if my husband would (he told me, "I'll never leave Jehovah"). I've never been a really social person (my best friend is my hubby) and only really care about keeping my own family intact. My mom is the other problem. She is UBER JW and I really feel like she would have a massive coronary if I ever left. So, here I sit. I'm stuck and trying to make the best of it. In the meantime, I question everything - including the existence of Jehovah himself. Something's gotta give.

43

I have a question on the Circuit Accounts Scam thread

by gubberningbody in

jw
friends

i didn't want it to get buried and i'd really like to know.. so i knew pretty much what he was saying was true, but what i don't get is how the creative accounting works.. i mean you have to show expenses on the ledger - and i mean real expenses, like the co/do expenses along with receipts.. you have actual costs for the power coming into the building.

the paper supplies and cleaning supplies.

the vacuum cleaners and mops and other sundry items, and you have to have receipts for all that.. i also know that when you made a "donation" it was off the books at the circuit level as far as accounts were concerned.. but how is money not being accounted for?.

sickandtired

This thread is interesting and it makes me wonder who are the ones benefiting from all this money? I mean, the GB don't seem to be living in the lap of luxury - correct me if I'm wrong. I just have read a lot about the WT corporation getting tons of money (I don't doubt that for a second), but I wonder who are the ones living high on the hog? Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

62

New here - hello!

by sickandtired in

i can't believe i'm actually posting here.

i've been lurking for a while and i've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation.

i'm married to an elder (who is 110% jw) and i was for the most part raised in the "truth".

sickandtired

I've been busy, but wanted to take the time to thank all of you again. I sometimes wish that I could go back and not know all I know about the organization so that I wouldn't have to be in this mental anguish anymore...ignornance is bliss they say. It seems impossible to leave the organization unscathed. I'm not sure I can do it right now. I'm tired and haven't had much sleep. Maybe I can organize my thoughts a little better after I get some rest. Right now it's hard to picture my life as a non witness. My life is immersed in it. A lot of it has been good, but there has been this nagging feeling that I can no longer just shove in the back of my mind. I know in my heart of hearts that while there is good in this religion, there is unfortunately a lot of bad.

Barbara, thanks for your heartfelt reply to me. I read your story and it had a profound affect on me. I actually read it years ago when I had doubts that kept coming up. I searched the web and came across your story. I put it in the back of my mind and continued on doing what I was supposed to do as an elder's wife. Recently, my life has become more stressful and complicated for reasons that mainly have to do with my being a Witness. Something compelled me to start looking on the web again. I read your story again, more than once. I started visiting this forum. I haven't been able to stop. I can't seem to ignore these nagging doubts anymore. But I find myself excusing a lot of things I read that are negative. (probably because of years of indoctrination, I guess) One thing I always come back to though is the increasing emphasis placed on loyalty to the FDS and the organization. It REALLY bothers me that they focus on that so much. I cannot understand why other Witnesses don't seem to see anything wrong with that thinking.

I used to wonder how I got to be so lucky to be one of the few who had the "truth". Now I no longer think that. And I question everything. Something I never used to do. It's new and scary. It has caused me reevaluate everything that I thought I knew as truth and fact. All I can do is take it one day at a time and hope that my husband starts to wake up as well.

It's funny, I've read the references on this forum to the movie The Matrix. I agree with the analogy. I really liked that movie (saw it edited for television like a good Witness ha, ha). The funny thing is that my husband hated that movie. I'm trying not to read too much into that.

62

New here - hello!

by sickandtired in

i can't believe i'm actually posting here.

i've been lurking for a while and i've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation.

i'm married to an elder (who is 110% jw) and i was for the most part raised in the "truth".

sickandtired

Thanks to all of you for giving me so much to think about.

LITS, I smiled when I read your reply. I was scared to death of posting here. It's amazing the amount of fear they put into you about apostate websites! But, like you I couldn't stop coming here. Still can't! I've always been a "good girl". Even as a teenager! While other Witness kids around me were doing everything under the sun, I was aux pioneering on summer vacation and felt extreme guilt for holding a boy's hand at school! Posting on this forum is probably the most rebellious thing I've ever done in my life!

62

New here - hello!

by sickandtired in

i can't believe i'm actually posting here.

i've been lurking for a while and i've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation.

i'm married to an elder (who is 110% jw) and i was for the most part raised in the "truth".

sickandtired

AMNESIANO -

THANK YOU so much for your kind words. I think I will one day be where you are hopefully. The thing I wrestle with most is causing my family pain. Especially my mom and husband. But, my children are the most important thing to me. But, I hate the thought of rocking their world because my husband and I have worked hard to provide them with a stable, loving family environment. Because of the degree of my husband's committment to this religion, I feel I must tread lightly. I do make little seemingly innocuous comments here and there to hopefully get him thinking. I have to say that he did tell me that he didn't agree with everything (of course, he didn't expound on that and I didn't push it) but he very much feels it's the truth.

I'm not quite mentally out yet. I still have thoughts like "What if they're right?" I was raised as a Witness from a young age so it is essentially all I've known. As you can see, I have lots to sort out and hopefully this forum will help me do that.

62

New here - hello!

by sickandtired in

i can't believe i'm actually posting here.

i've been lurking for a while and i've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation.

i'm married to an elder (who is 110% jw) and i was for the most part raised in the "truth".

sickandtired

Good points, Sizemik. I am still emotionally invested in this religion (family has everything to do with it - I'm not particularing attached to people in the congregation). I think that colors my thinking. I keep thinking that maybe God is backing the Witnesses because I see evidence of love and harmony that I have not seen in any other religion.

New Chapter-

I noticed you mentioned the mammoths. I vaguely remember reading something about that. I'll look into it further.

JLP-

Thanks for your thoughtful words -

I think you summed up nicely what is going on with me. I think that I started resenting "the truth" a little because it has taken a HUGE chunk of our life. My husband is a genuine person and busts is butt on behalf of the congregation. It's a thankless job, really. He gets frustrated a lot and he's tired. He's the youngest on the BOE. A lot of them are old and really can't do much anymore. I joke to him sometimes that it's like he's in the mob. A lot of my critical thinking started happening when I saw how much we were expected to invest into the organization.

I guess I would be okay with living the life of a Witness except for the fact that there is considerable pressure to preach and get bible studies to bring others in. I have issues with teaching people stuff that I don't agree with. What I don't get is why so many DO agree with it. I guess at one time I did, or at least I thought I did and then realized that I just swallowed it because of the good things I did agree with.

62

New here - hello!

by sickandtired in

i can't believe i'm actually posting here.

i've been lurking for a while and i've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation.

i'm married to an elder (who is 110% jw) and i was for the most part raised in the "truth".

sickandtired

Thanks to each and every one of you for your responses! I feel not so alone anymore:) It's weird that I'm in this place right now. I have A LOT of trouble going out in service and have avoided studying with anyone for years. Not until recently did I realize that I was doing that because I didn't fully believe the doctrines myself. I honestly feel like a hamster in a wheel sometimes. Part of me wants to believe it's all true but I just can't seem to do it. What I think I have the hardest time with (as far as whether or not to believe it's the "truth") is when I look at the unity in the organization and how people overcome deep seated prejudices when they become Witnesses. I know that there are still Witnesses that harbor prejudices, but overall the organization has overcome racial and national barriers - a worldwide organization. I've tried to look for another organization to compare, but I come up empty. Maybe someone can help me with this. Is my view of this skewed? I think I know the answer to this question.

Thanks again, guys! I actually got tears in my eyes when I read all of your responses. Your advice is most appreciated!

62

New here - hello!

by sickandtired in

i can't believe i'm actually posting here.

i've been lurking for a while and i've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation.

i'm married to an elder (who is 110% jw) and i was for the most part raised in the "truth".

sickandtired

I can't believe I'm actually posting here. I've been lurking for a while and I've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation. I'm married to an elder (who is 110% JW) and I was for the most part raised in the "truth". My hubby is a born-in. We both have a lot of our family in. We are happily married and he truly is my best friend. We have kids and I just feel bad for them sometimes - being different, you know?

I asked my husband if he ever had doubts that this is the truth. He said he didn't and that there were a lot of very intelligent people who believed in it (not really a good reason to stay in a religion, if you ask me) and that he'd never seen anything fishy that made him question it. I brought up the 607 B.C.E. argument and said I stumbled on it on the internet while doing research on the fall of Jerusalem to Babylon. He counseled me on avoiding apostate websites (didn't follow that counsel, obviously) and said we'd research it together. We looked at the WT CD library and he was okay with the explanation they offered of trusting the Bible chronology over secular. I wasn't totally convinced, but didn't tell him. I just let him believe that it allayed my fears.

I am still really confused and I'm not sure what good it'll do posting here. I guess I just needed to get things off my chest a little. I feel like there is no one I can really talk to about my conflicting feelings. My congregation is for the most part good and I've never really seen anything that made me "stumble", I just gradually over time started to realize that I wasn't sure I believed it anymore. My husband obviously is still very much "in" and I hate that I can't talk to him openly about this. I know that he'll put up a wall and he'll refuse to look at anything that is negative towards the Society. Especially if it comes from "apostates".

What really got me thinking objectively about my religion is the similarities with Mormons and how many Mormons seem equally as invested in their faith as JWs. I started really thinking about the beliefs that I was raised with and wondering if I believed that way because it really DID make sense or because it was what I was taught to believe was right.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that a lot of what we learn is of benefit (re: family life and avoiding immorality) because I've seen time and again those who do whatever they want without regard for Bible principles get burned. I don't agree with retarded things (for lack of a better word) like a woman wearing a head covering (never understood that) or the harshness of punishment in the OT for some things.

I read CoC by Ray Franz and really detected a sincerity about him. I believe what he wrote was true.

I'm at a place right now where I'm not sure what to do. Some days I feel pretty good and I feel like I could continue on in this religion. Other days I feel like I'm suffocating. Please excuse me if I'm all over the place and not making a whole lot of sense. I hope there is someone hear that can identify with me. I don't think I've ever seen an elder's wife on here. I can't be the first, can I?

Thanks for the chance to put my feelings out there!