I have talked to quite a few brothers who have served as elders and servants and left the organization. In most cases their wives have remained in despite the husband’s best efforts to persuade his wife that the organization is wrong. Even though the wife can see problems within they continue to press on in service to the Society. Why do elders leave while their wife stays…?
I think that this is the case due to several things…
As Elders and Servants most of us worked our tails off, at meetings, conventions, quick builds, service etc. Despite this, no matter how hard we tried and worked we were told that we needed to do a better job. Gratitude was rarely expressed. Many of us became burned out and disillusioned with the organization. We saw the corruption, simony and hypocrisy, the changing doctrinal positions and decided that we could no longer teach something that was not true. So we did research like any student is taught to do, we analyzed history and doctrine and came to the conclusion that it was wrong. Then…
As an appointed man you were expected and taught to lead your family in doing what is right. You were trained that even though you might feel some discomfort at the end result that you still had to make the hard decisions judicial or otherwise. It was always emphasized to the serving men to teach with skill, using illustrations, persuasion and confidence. You learned to be skeptical about someone’s “story” in judicial proceedings and thus always viewed the brothers and sisters with a measure of skepticism.
Our training helped us to realize that it was all a lie and then try to lead our families out. We were burned out teachers that knew how to research, were skeptical, critical, and determined to do what was right. That is why we left the organization. Watchtower, you trained us well.
The first person we told about our findings was our spouse. She was incredulous that it all could be true. Perhaps we were depressed, or in the wrong frame of mind. We needed to wait on Jehovah. We persisted in showing her the things wrong with the Society to the point where we were told, “I don’t want to talk about it”.
So why do some wives stay in this false organization? It is because they have been trained also. They have been trained to never question, and to humbly submit to the headship arrangement. They accompanied us in service and study, always at our lead, rarely with anything to offer in the family studies. They always looked to a man to provide direction and answers for them. They had no mechanism within or even a voice to question what they were taught. Their single job as a witness wife was to support their man, who in turn had to support the organization, who in turn was supposed to be supporting the Christ.
Our wives were trained by the organization to persist and endure all things even if their husband was a bastard. Their silent example would change his behavior is what they were told. Silent endurance and total dependence was the key thing that our wives were trained to do. And so now that is what they do. They persist, in silent endurance, hoping that an answer to their questions will be provided, somehow by their total dependence on the false organization. When we left, they simply followed the path of least resistance and stayed doing what they were trained to do.
Sadly the situation is simply a product of our Watchtower training.
SIAM