Hi 67Mustang,
You know, in watching my friends that are JW, initially to the outsider it looks like the JWs have this high moral standard, this congregational "love" that they always talk about, etc. But in watching the JWs more closely, and hearing folks like you, it's obvious that the JW standard of living is nothing but a set of rules to be followed. As we know, according to the New Testament, living by rules alone is not possible, nor is it healthy. Living by rules is actually a standard sub-par to the principle of Diving Grace. And the JW folks have completely perverted the Bible, trying to teach this twisted and un-atainable moral standard, similar to the ways the Pharasies did. The difference between the JWs and the Pharasees though, is that the JWs have even further twisted the reasoning on morals and love than the Pharasees did. For concrete examples we can have further email discussion if you would like.
Anyway, the fact is that the JWs don't live by the moral and legalistic standards that they say they do. This is obvious by all the court cases going on over child sexual abuse, etc. Nor do they love eachother they way they say they do, which obvious by what you are personally experiencing.
So the JW way of living does not promote a loving or positive spiritual experience, if it is "spiritual" at all; it is actually destructive. The JWs and their pathetic organization is nothing but a human made organization bing led by egotisical men fed by Satan.
I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time getting out. I'm glad to hear that you are not soured on the idea of believing in GOD, and that you feel you can move on with your life outside the JWs. I don't know what it's worth to you, but I can pray for you, and them also.
Good luck, and GOD Bless!!
**FullOfGraceAndPeace**