Posts by cptkirk

13

would most of us still be in the borg had....

by cptkirk in

the nwt been matthew through rev only?

btw, what is up with the login code word, mbator?

how did it know?.

cptkirk

JESUS ENDED THE OLD LAW SO I DO NOT KEEP A HANDBOOK FOR THE CAR I OWNED 10 YEARS AGO , ISN'T THAT THE ANALOGY THE HANDBOOK???

13

would most of us still be in the borg had....

by cptkirk in

the nwt been matthew through rev only?

btw, what is up with the login code word, mbator?

how did it know?.

cptkirk

the nwt been matthew through rev only? btw, what is up with the login code word, mbator? how did it know?

33

JW Standup Comedy Routine

by enigma1863 in

so i have been doing stand up and i want to talk about being a jw in my act.

im trying to write a few rants to talk about.

so far i have beards, holidays, the oddities of the memorial, childhood baptism vs marriage.

I think that you just need to set the premise for your joke a little before delivery. for example, instead of just going right into a sex joke, explain how your interpretations of what was right vs wrong in terms of sexuality impelled you to talk to an elder, and then once you premise the joke as the elder explaining things to you, it should go well. because yea, if you just go right into the joke, most people wont get it because they have no idea what goes on with jws and their ideas on sex (other than disliking gays obviously). someone posted on here recently about a visiting co telling all the elders that oral sex was tantamount to licking the toilet lid lmao....that is just pure comedy, that is a gift in terms of handing you material.

33

JW Standup Comedy Routine

by enigma1863 in

so i have been doing stand up and i want to talk about being a jw in my act.

im trying to write a few rants to talk about.

so far i have beards, holidays, the oddities of the memorial, childhood baptism vs marriage.

cptkirk

sex is the great untapped comedy resource. i'm not a comedian but if i was, i would do an entire show just on the jws and sex, and about all the stories, and all the various things different elders have told me. the art of comedy is obviously to make someone or some thing look foolish, you can't get more foolish than listening to jw ideas on how sex is supposed to happen, or what is right and wrong etc. one thing that i love is the fact that missionary style sex is about the most wild and obnoxious sexual position anyone could EVER think up...and yet that is the one that they are ok with. i will spare details because i'm sure my posts on this bother some, but comeon just think about it a little bit, think about a spoon style sex position, this is basically a chaste sexual position....missionary is like the opposite of spoon position, yet that is what they think is the acceptable position why? there is just too much material.

70

You-are-too-dumb: Proper handling of nested magazines (BOE Letter)

by pixel in

to all bodies of elders.

re: proper handling of nested magazines.

dear brothers:.

cptkirk

YOU STUPID APOSTATES DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING!?!!?!!? THE ANGELS MADE THEM DO THAT BECAUSE THOSE EXTRA COPIES ARE GOING TO BE PICKED UP BY FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE HOUSEHOLDER AND THEN THEY WILL GET BAPTIZED LOL STUPID SHALLOW APOSTATES SHOULD BE ASHAMED. IF YOU BEND YOUR HEAD REAL LOW AND COME BACK TO THE MEETINGS WE WILL FORGIVE YOU THOUGH AFTER WE HAVE SHOVED EVERY BIT OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE RESENTMENT THAT WE HAVE BEEN BUILDING UP DOWN YOUR THROAT (true pornography). SEE ALL BETTER NOW, SEE THAT FEELING THAT YOU USED TO GET WHEN DADDY WOULD SPANK YOU BUT ALSO GET A FEW RUBS ON THE BEAVER WHILE DOING THE SPANKING, ALL ALONG, THAT WAS ACTUALLY JEHOVAH'S WAY OF CORRECTING YOU AND YOU JUST WEREN'T SPIRITUAL ENOUGH TO FIGURE IT OUT.

yes this is satirical thank you. i have not as much as grinded my teeth.

15

Do the "friends" tend to project their views onto others?

by magotan in

"those worldy people are so lost" - utterence of any sort of familial hardship; divorce, ect.. .

(df'ed person is seen in a public setting) "they look so sad, they don't have jehovah's blessing".

how do you know if they're sad or not?

cptkirk

well, that speaks to a dynamic that i know that i've commented on before, and i'm sure many other have too. that dynamic being a situation where you have super ambitious people in the org that get promoted to elder (not by god i think we figured that out pretty clearly by now)...and then what happens is, they do stop believing ("in the truth")basically (whether because of the generation thing or being up close and personal with the sausage making).....BUT, unlike the average jw for example, they just have way too much invested into the religion to cut and run, they are basically so invested that they have no choice but to keep going through the motions (if nothing else the embarrassment that would ensue in front of the myriads of people preached to)....(really more like people they beat over the head with their passive aggression and other aberrant sociopathies)...who now would chew them apart for being such enormous hypocrites....i mean the list just goes on and on as to why they would stay invested rather than bail out.

so now you have a bunch of unhappy men who get no sex (because sex is porneia)....OHHH WOA WOA BROTHER THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID, oh really? it isn't? well let me explain it this way: i am going to go home now with my wife, when we get home, we will have sex. and this is what it will look like: i will lick her face, lick her ears and kiss her deeply while my hands squeeze that oh so beautiful ass of hers, then i will pull her shirt off the top of her head (I will say lift your arms) so i can get the shirt of and BOOM huge boobs in my face, i will fondle them enormously (may be drool coming down mouth also)....as i continue to take my clothes off, i finally pull her panties down and ready her vagina with my fingers first......now we are both naked, her having my saliva on her in various places and my penis is ROCK hard i mean it is just pulsing and i get her on the bed and tell her to spread her legs as far as possible with my penis pulsating abover her stomach....i proceed to push in and she moans tremendously and makes this face at me that is sort of a cross between harsh pain and insane pleasure while she begins to moan harder and the bed SLAMS against the wall over and over as i thrust in and out of her , her legs spread totally apart and her breasts bouncing back and forth as i pump her harder and harder. finally, i do not want to impregnate her so i pull out and blow a massive load all over her wet moist breats and stomach.

question: is that porneia brother? or is that just two people having sex? because i just showed you a video clip of two people doing that and you went into a rage telling me that i am condemned for porneia....but in actuality all i explained was 2 people having sex? YOU PEOPLE ARE A JOKE HELLO *wave bethel* :)

anyway, bunch of old guys getting no sex and becoming happy each time they read about another guy shooting bunch of kids......who do not even believe in the org anymore.....ok and what is the function of these afore mentioned FREAKS? TO RUN THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION OF GOD'S CHOSEN FOLLOWERS????? LMFAO GET A LIFE

15

Do the "friends" tend to project their views onto others?

by magotan in

"those worldy people are so lost" - utterence of any sort of familial hardship; divorce, ect.. .

(df'ed person is seen in a public setting) "they look so sad, they don't have jehovah's blessing".

how do you know if they're sad or not?

cptkirk

This makes me think of brainwashing 101, and believe it or not, even now in the information age, brainwashing 101 still works on A LOT of people. If you ever want to understand how it works, just record a guy or girl going through their daily activities. record everything....getting dressed, making food, getting in car, going to work, saying hello to people as pass by, open drawers , go on elevator....just every mundane thing that you can think of. then just plug in a mic and do a play by play over the video, but now, this is no longer a person just going through the daily grind, now this is a person making calculated decisions at every twist and turn, because they need to escape the country unseen by 6 oclock! just explain every mundane decision except with a nefarious ulterior motive now. this sums up a lot of witness behavior, if they only knew how absolutely goony they were.

this was done to me a lot in the jdub borg. they portrayed me as someone that i wasn't even close to being.....like i was really just this worldly guy who just wanted to do the minimal so that my ass was saved on judgement day. so they basically got so obsessed with me (utterly obsessed), that they read into every move i made, and just didn't matter, they were convinced and that was the end of that. i was one of the "be careful of who you associate with within the borg" people......didn't matter what i said or what i did, it was all evil to them. if i said the bible really says that the world will end during a time of peace, then i was an apostate, didn't matter than knorr says this on a dvd they put out in 2009. these people just keep getting deeper and deeper into the madness of seeing negative things happen to make them happy, because that must mean god is about to wipe most of humanity out except them.

17

If there are no more miraculous events, then why do JW's pray for one?

by wha happened? in

this is exactly what i asked my wife.

if the wt has stated over and over, there are no more miraculous events, then why do u pray for one?.

her response?

cptkirk

it is a very good point. by definition anything god does with regard to direct intervention into the life of man/woman is a miracle. if there are no more miracles, then the point about why bother with prayer makes perfect sense. did god deliberately fool us into thinking that he would answer our prayers, when the secret all along was just to have confidence and move boldly (for some anyway)....some people move boldly right into the pit, that is another story though. you would think that the jw leadership would put a little more thought into this stuff before they print it into the magazines.

103

New here and just sick!

by msconcerned in

jw
friends

hello, i am new and i feel soooo wrong about being here.

anyway i am an m.s and have been disillusioned ever since the new understanding that came out in october.

i have read many things on this board that i have and also have not thought about.

cptkirk

Don't worry msconcerned, you will soon be a devlish, mouth-drooling, red eyed, wicked, gluttonous apostate...think about it for a second, the idea that you would become that by just trying to do some fact checking?(does that sound right?) there are plenty of facts to be found here, also opinions, and also wild ranting....the key is to be able to distinguish which from which. if you look at what "onthewayout" said (even though I have no clue about this matter) he is more than likely correct (based on what i've seen from him in the past). he is talking straight, and sometimes you will see that kind of talk on here, but really underneath, it is actually ad hominem stuff. but sometimes on the flip side , it is really someone that knows the real story (and the real story isn't always pretty). ask yourself, if in fact this unflattering story was in fact the real story(behind the new light), then how would you expect someone to articulate it to you?(someone who has been led to believe nonsense at the cost of major personal sacrifice)

ie. maybe it's not just a bunch of wicked apostates (and that is how they behave because they are wicked apostates). maybe it is just real people that are very unhappy that they were lied to.

29

Proof that Bible is a Hoax

by Monsieur in

if the bible is really a very intricate hoax, what is the objective?.

i've read some theories that it has been used to succesfully make a 'business' of religion.. is this really it?

to make money?.

cptkirk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKMG-FdCGtM