NY23brown

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Posts by NY23brown

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  25

  Throwing this out there...

  by NY23brown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"?

  i'm married (never been a jw) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39).

  i've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from kingdom hall, etc.

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  NY23brown

  Yes.
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  25

  Throwing this out there...

  by NY23brown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"?

  i'm married (never been a jw) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39).

  i've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from kingdom hall, etc.

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  NY23brown

  He has not been to KH in over 20 years. He doesn't practice their religion. He votes, belongs to a union at work, we have an American flag on our porch (gasp) and he has celebrated many holidays over the years. We've known each other for years, long before getting married. I made my feelings known that I would NEVER become part of that religion. He himself calls them a cult. His family has never been happy that we were dating (because of my non-JW status), but we were always friendly to each other. It wasn't until children came along that I noticed a change in THEM, especially after I wouldn't tolerate them hitting and yelling at our daughter.

  I do believe he feels torn; however, it is incredibly unfair of him to want it both ways...just to appease his mother's wishes of having him be with her in "paradise" and blame me for his problems.

  Coincidentally, when his very non-JW grandmother died a couple of years ago, his mother had a very-JW oriented service at the funeral home, including speakers from the KH and claims that "gram" was in the process of joining the Kingdom Hall. This lady celebrated Christmas, birthdays, Easter, the works, and never would have wanted that! But in his mother's eyes, she was going to make her mom part of her "fairy tale". The deceased sister's were very unhappy with how her service went. All the more reason, I feel she is behind his misguided feelings now...pressure to become part of her fairy tale life.
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  25

  Throwing this out there...

  by NY23brown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"?

  i'm married (never been a jw) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39).

  i've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from kingdom hall, etc.

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  NY23brown

  I believe you are correct on that.
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  25

  Throwing this out there...

  by NY23brown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"?

  i'm married (never been a jw) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39).

  i've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from kingdom hall, etc.

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  NY23brown

  Thank you all for the advice...this is giving me kind of a new perspective on some recent behavior, and why he may be acting this way. This has been very frustrating to me!
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  25

  Throwing this out there...

  by NY23brown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"?

  i'm married (never been a jw) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39).

  i've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from kingdom hall, etc.

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  NY23brown

  He has told many a story about his dad being mean during his childhood...but always has an excuse for his behavior.

  I have suggested marriage counseling but he refuses. I believe he is afraid a counselor would side with me, even though you and I both know a counselor is supposed to just listen and not take anyone's side. I also wonder if his family isnt' telling him to steer clear of counseling at my request...

  I've spent many a sleepless night lately trying to figure out how to fix things just to make him happy. Unfortunately, I don't think he even knows what it will take to make him happy. I just think he is being guilt tripped and it is making him miserable. What bothers me is that I'm being made out to be some kind of monster and those who know me know I am nothing like that.
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  25

  Throwing this out there...

  by NY23brown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"?

  i'm married (never been a jw) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39).

  i've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from kingdom hall, etc.

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  NY23brown

  I received a very long letter from my MIL last year (after a falling out) and she indicated why she will NOT celebrate our children's birthdays, etc., followed by a bunch of JW jargon. I really don't want a terrible relationship with my in-laws, but I am finding myself in that very place after standing up to them for hitting our oldest (then just 3). They caused marital problems for us again last year when I refused to stay in their home on vacation (staying in a hotel wasn't good enough, so I wouldn't go). My husband just can't stand up to either of his parents. They used to live in the same state as us, were lucky if we saw them twice a year, and then they moved south (their choice). MY FIL has come to our home a few times since and either doesn't speak to me or causes a problem while he's here, which leads to more marital fights. He has openly argued with me in front of my husband and husband says nothing to his father. Before our falling out, they never made special trips to see our kids, nor do they ever call to talk to them. I also get accused of being "violent" to FIL in front of the kids. This, coming from someone who hit a 3 year old who wasn't even misbehaving.

  I'm not one to lay low and be walked all over, I suppose that is why they have such a problem with me as well.

  Our girls are going to have an excellent Christmas, with or without him participating. It just scares me to think how family members are willing to try to destroy our family just to please themselves.
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  25

  Throwing this out there...

  by NY23brown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"?

  i'm married (never been a jw) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39).

  i've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from kingdom hall, etc.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  NY23brown

  Do Jehovah's witnesses tend to contact family members no longer associated with the religion, especially around holidays, and try to get them to "come back"? I'm married (never been a JW) and husband hasn't been a part of that religion since his teens (he's now 39). I've written here before regarding my in-laws sending people to our house from Kingdom Hall, etc. Anyway, husband has been in a rotten mood all week (prelude to Christmas). He's complained about us listening to Christmas carols on the radio, grumpy, not speaking, then a few days ago said I deserved the "silent treatment" because I said something that angered him. I'm reaching the point of fed up and am certainly not going to walk on eggshells just to keep him in a decent mood. I'm convinced his very JW mother is doing some guilt tripping via texting/calling or something to that effect. He's done nothing for the holidays this year - bought no presents, didn't ask what I got our kids, nothing. Same for my recent birthday. Our oldest, 6, is picking up on his behavior as well, including his lack of interest in doing anything fun with our family. I know he could be depressed, but what do you do when you aren't the one who is trying to guilt trip him? He claims I am the problem, because I don't 'like' his family. I have no problem with him having contact with his family; however, I do believe they are trying to lure him into coming back to please his mother. That leaves me and 2 children to fend for ourselves? I am just disgusted with how their minds operate!
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  10

  In need of advice

  by NY23brown in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  yet another visit from jw's at our door, demanding to speak to only my husband and claiming to be friends of "his family".

  it has reached the point that i contacted the sherriff's department and was informed to sent a certified letter to the local kingdom hall.. dh hasn't been a "witness" since his teen years.

  i had a falling out with the in-laws (avid jw's) over them hitting our daughter while we were on vacation visiting them.

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  NY23brown

  I don't believe he is behind the visits as he seems to be uncomfortable and caught off guard when they come knocking. He's friendly to them, but he is also placating them. The one guy is good friends with his mother and has shown up twice in a row. I've actually heard them mention his mother and say things like "Are you feeling depressed?", "Remember __ __, when you used to come to the Kingdom Hall? He has moved back to the area and would love to see you at a meeting again.". He wasn't even home when the JW's showed up this past week. I dealt with them and told them to leave. Husband had been picked up by a coworker but his car was in the driveway. The elders (who apparently know whose cars are whose in our driveway) got testy when I said he wasn't home and when I asked what their agenda is, since they will only speak to him. I know these aren't the average drop a Watchtower off at a random residence visits, because they don't try to converse with me at all. I'm pretty sure they assumed he was home, would hear a commotion at the door and come speak to them.

  Like I said, things were great until his parents didn't get their own way. Now he is being pressured to apparently choose between them and the kids and myself. I do believe he is greatly fearful of being cut out of his parents' lives. Unfortunately, I am the one getting blamed for this pressure and I don't want him to have to choose, rather just put his priorities in the right place. He is married and should put us first. When not at work, he's becoming a recluse around the house to avoid me most of the time and avoids household chores and parenting responsibilities. Thankfully, I work from home which allows me to be there full-time for our kids, but I do get tired of always working and not getting any help around the house. He sometimes tries to minimize my role and what I do for the girls, and him, as if he is the only one earning money. Anyway, it is almost like having a mouthy teenager in the house lately. He needs a good slap beside the head to realize what he is doing to us. Maybe I should just call his mother and tell her to come pick up her bratty son so she can pick up after him ;)

  I do appreciate the advice.
• 
  10

  In need of advice

  by NY23brown in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  yet another visit from jw's at our door, demanding to speak to only my husband and claiming to be friends of "his family".

  it has reached the point that i contacted the sherriff's department and was informed to sent a certified letter to the local kingdom hall.. dh hasn't been a "witness" since his teen years.

  i had a falling out with the in-laws (avid jw's) over them hitting our daughter while we were on vacation visiting them.

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  NY23brown

  He will openly complain about his parents...how he was brought up, his mother's "crazy cult", how his dad was mean to him...yet he caves when they want something. One example-he doesn't even mow our large lawn (I do it), yet his parents call from out of state and want him to drive over to their property in our state and mow their lawn (usually an overgrown mess from neglect and a lengthy process to clean up). He'll complain about it (and them), but then off he goes to do what they want. Meanwhile, he is not helping with chores around our own home. Plus, that is then taking up time to spend with our daughters because they are occupying his free time. They don't pay him to do this either, they feel they are owed. If they can own two homes, they ought to be able to hire someone to upkeep the lawns on a regular basis. If I mention anything about it, he is easily irritated and accuses me of "attacking" him. I'm not trying to make him pick sides. I believe his mother is, however.

  I was not raised in this type of controlling environment so I'm at a loss on this. Prior to the fall out with his parents (over hitting our daughter), I had always been friendly to his parents. After they way they treated us, I suggested they come visit the grandchildren in our home, since they used the excuse that they can do "what they want" when we are under their roof. My MIL insisted our 2-yr old was misbehaving terribly (refused a piece of chicken and it dropped on the floor). She screamed at our daughter and said she had "rotten parents". Who in their right mind would want to revisit them? I simply will not subject my daughters to this kind of treatment ever again. I feel I have been more than reasonable in trying to deal with my MIL. Besides that, it was their choice to move away.

  Anyway, I am now being given the silent treatment by my husband. This weekend is my birthday...then Thanksgiving. I have noticed a pattern of his parents either showing up at our home (they live out of state now) or sending over the elders prior to any holidays or if they know we might be celebrating something with my side of the family. Can JW's really be this vindictive? This really seems to be the case, and it disgusts me.
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  10

  In need of advice

  by NY23brown in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  yet another visit from jw's at our door, demanding to speak to only my husband and claiming to be friends of "his family".

  it has reached the point that i contacted the sherriff's department and was informed to sent a certified letter to the local kingdom hall.. dh hasn't been a "witness" since his teen years.

  i had a falling out with the in-laws (avid jw's) over them hitting our daughter while we were on vacation visiting them.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  NY23brown

  Yet another visit from JW's at our door, demanding to speak to only my husband and claiming to be friends of "his family". It has reached the point that I contacted the sherriff's department and was informed to sent a certified letter to the local Kingdom Hall.

  DH hasn't been a "witness" since his teen years. I had a falling out with the in-laws (avid JW's) over them hitting our daughter while we were on vacation visiting them. DH didn't speak up about it, instead let his parents take over and has since pretended the incident never happened. They have made life miserable for me ever since and have ruined what used to be a fantastic relationship. Now my DH uses me like garbage, claims I am "abusive" to him and his parents, and makes out like they are saints.

  DH refuses to see my side of this and claims I am a hateful person who can't stand his family and wish his parents were dead. Yes, he did actually say this:( I lost my own father when I was a teen due to a heart attack and he randomly threw in to his fight how I hated him too (?)...making me out to be some evil, hating person... I did not enter our marriage hoping I'd have in-laws who hate me, but here I sit. I have printed off screen grabs of his mother bad mouthing me to his family on Facebook, have a letter from her that blames our 2 yr old for deserving to get reprimanded while we visited them on vacation three years ago, and then, of course, the visits from the JW's trying to lure my DH back to please his mother. He's claiming she is not behind these visits, but I know she is. At this point, I am feeling that my spirit is badly broken. I have suggested marriage counseling but he is refusing, claiming that I am the one and only problem. I'm definitely seeing a lot of narcissistic behavior. So many hateful things said to me last night and claiming I am the reason for all his problems. I feel his parents have finally turned him on me. Trying to figure out how to get myself out of this mess. Oh, and threatened me that his father will take me to court and get our kids...then acts like his parents are saints. They have underminded me for months through emails, texting my DH. They have never shown much interest in our children, until I stood up to them about hitting our daughter.

  Sorry about ranting...just needed a place to vent.