lostinthought, Taking time to consider your options and their consequences is by no means "chicken," it's smart.
For many, writing a Letter of Disassociation is an act of liberation. It makes them feel strong: they are making a statement loud and proud. I definitely get that, but generally they have no family members "still in." Those that do or did and DA'd themselves generally regretted it later. Don't be hasty or rash. Ask leavingWT if you don't believe me. Either way, writing a DA letter is still playing by, or at least to, their rules. There's no getting around that.
Deliberately getting disfellowshipped serves no useful purpose. (I know, that's' what I did ... big mistake). You lose your family, JW "friends" and your reputation is ruined in the eyes of everyone (that's a JW that) you used to care about. How is that a good thing?
Fading is hard. For some it is very hard. It's not always successful either, especially if you were/are "high profile" and the elders want to make an example of you. If you are a "nobody" in the congregation (sorry, I don't mean to bruise your ego, but that's the fact) you have a better chance of successfully fading. Nevertheless, that has consequences also: you need to be cognizant of the fact that from now to forever whatever you do publicly could bring you repercussions you'd probably rather not deal with. There are really so many things to consider.
If you decide to fade, you need a plan. You need a plan and you need to commit to it, then you need to stick to it. Things change so you need to be flexible, but you can't do that with clarity unless you have a previously decided upon plan.
One thing you really need to keep in mind is this: YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO TELL ANY OF THE ELDERS ANYTHING YOU DO NOT WANT TO TELL THEM! They have no authority over you unless you give it to them.
You do not have to be rude, you do not have to be argumentative and you do not have to be evasive. You DO need to figure out WHO you are, WHERE you are, WHAT you believe, HOW you will and will not allow yourself to be treated, and WHY this is important to you! (Realize that you are a work-in-progress and the ultimate answer to these questions may be many years, if ever, in the making).
As NewChapter said, no matter what you do you will find support here (something you would never find in the congregation!), but the decision remains yours. Whatever you decide we will support you.
Take courage. You can do this!
00DAD