It is usually hard to 'see' something when you are right in the middle of it. The Society does such a good job of providing the perscription of contact lens they want you to wear also, that it is just real hard to see.
When I tried a half hearted reinstatement attempt after the fiasco at my son's in May - here is the short version as I related it to Cog:
Ah the reinstatement -- well after talking to my uncle a few more times - I decided to give it a try. Met with the local PO and SEC - had a 20 minute meeting - cried my eyes out (involuntarily) and was basically told that despite my husband's objections - 'the meetings is where there is life." I said, "So you are telling me then that I gave up one husband for JW's and now to make it right I should give up another?" "We can't tell you what to do, but with Jehovah and at the meetings is where you get life."
I left and as I walked out the door - all I could say under my breath is Bismillah - (in the name of God) in arabic.
Somehow I felt relieved in a way - because when I walked into that KH - and was waiting - the merry little music was playing - and the people were milling around, looking at me without looking - smiling when they saw that I noticed them...I felt so sick to my stomach and claustrophic. You could just FEEL the fake. ( I went early before the school and service meeting)
I wrote my uncle an email about what happened and figured it would drop. No so. My Uncle was very keen on me getting reinstated...he called me a couple more times and on the second to the last call - encouraged me to try to ask my husband if we/I could just go do 6 months worth of Sunday meetings so I could get reinstated. ok sure..yeah...um...ok. He diligently called back in a week and I said I would call him back - I was in the middle of LA traffic. I didn't call till the next day - and couldn't get ahold of him. So I sent him an email saying that I had decided to abandon the reinstatement process and throw myself on God's mercy. I thanked him for his love and concern...that was basically it. That was August 3rd...I have not heard a word since.
This experience really impressed upon me the cult aspect...and it has been 11 years since I left.
