myMichelle

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Posts by myMichelle

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  6

  The Hero Falls: Remembering a young life

  by Esmeralda in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ...lost to suicide, years ago.

  he was a model young jw.. this is something i've been wanting to write for a very long time, and its finally finished.

  i am posting.

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  myMichelle

  Es!

  How are you? I have missed you, I hope you and the family are doing better.

  A beautiful tribute, what a tragic loss...

  Michelle
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  10

  The most frightening haircut of my life ...

  by dedalus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this morning i went for a haircut, and since my usual stylist (caroline, quick with the clippers and a joke, does magic with my floppy mop of hair), was out, i told the receptionist i'd settle for whoever was available.

  after a moment i was handed over to "winnie," whom i recognized as a witness from a neighboring congregation -- alas, not before she'd roughly dunked my head in the sink.

  i was pretty sure she recognized me, too.. "so how have you been, dedalus," she said.. "um, just fine, and you?

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  myMichelle

  LOL!!

  That was great!

  Thanks for the laugh. The investigative reporters in my area have nothing on you, I don't think any of them would have risked their hair-do for the story.

  Michelle
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  To Missy

  by myMichelle in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  hi missy,.

  saw your response on page 9 of waiting's hello thread.

  thought i'd make my answer to your question easier to find.. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=4065&page=9&site=3.

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  myMichelle

  Hi Missy,

  Saw your response on page 9 of Waiting's Hello thread. Thought I'd make my answer to your question easier to find.
  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=4065&page=9&site=3

  Well, as far as going somewhere else, this would be difficult as the timing of these meetings coincides with dinner preparation. But I am considering changing our dinner schedule that night to include pizza brought home by me and the kids after the study time is over. :)

  Good idea. I know what you mean about dinner preparation, I get home around 6pm and it's time to get dinner on the table while keeping an eye on 2 kids. After the rush to get it to the table, it's not too long until the bedtime routine starts up. It's a hassle to have to leave the household, especially during the school year, but whatever helps you to keep your sanity.

  I went to my mom's a few times, but usually my husband and the elder studying with him moved to a different room so I could watch TV, read, have dinner and let the kids have free access to the door so we could go out and play(and we did go play while he was inside), etc. Whatever minimized the disruption to the rest of the family. The kids and I would eat dinner as well during his study and he could retrieve the leftovers out of the fridge when he was done.

  Michelle, how did you get through the marriage difference? Mine is about the same as yours, hubby is good in all other areas, but when it comes to the religious difference, it seems to engulf us and override into other areas. How did you manage to get through it? I find it hard sometimes, if I want to share anything that I learn at church or whatever, and usually the one that you want to share that with is your spouse. But when I do, I get laughed at,or argue, so we have stopped doing that. there is only so much laughing and arguing one can take.

  I'm not sure. Persistance, I suppose. I kept in mind how radically my husband and I had changed (and continue to change) in some of our viewpoints. I stubbornly refuse(d) to believe that this religious difference would lay between us for the rest of our lives. I refused to give up on our relationship and let the WTS win, and this was a lot easier to do as he was not and is not a militant JW.

  It wasn't one-sided. He has told me a little from his viewpoint. His mom is a JW and his dad is not, and he saw the difficulties their marriage suffered because of it, and vowed to do what he could to prevent a repeat performance. I believe that he did what he could to help our relationship.

  However, I was pretty depressed and had a lot of resentment at the time and I knew that I had to address it or it would consume me. My brain would tell me that I cannot control anyone else's behavior except mine and that I needed to work on me first before I could work on repairing my marriage. Easy to think of hard to execute.

  I pretty much left my husband alone regarding religion, not too difficult as he would completely avoid and ignore the topic. I conducted my own religious research, I found a few good online friends to write to, concentrated on being a better mother (the emotional rollercoaster I was on occasionally spilled over onto them, and they deserve better than that), and I focused attention to the other areas of my marriage. Out of the blue one day my husband started to read my copy of Crisis of Conscience. It took a painfully long time to get through it, but it confirmed some nagging things in his mind and it provided a lot of information especially in how the Org's leaders run things.

  It was/is not easy, I have experienced a lot of hurt, anger and sadness, it's mostly faded now, although I have to squash the occasional urge to say "I told you so."

  I'm pretty sure I mentioned elsewhere that my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, her hubby and kids are JWs. We've yet to see how my husband's changing viewpoint regarding the WTS will be received. So far, it appears that everything is pretty much kosher, actually it seems like everyone is emphasizing lately just how "OK" with "things" they are. I hope for only the best, but I understand that the District Convention strongly emphasized loyalty to the Org over loyalty to family and some recent publications are underscoring that notion.

  I have not put my story on the main board yet...

  Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

  That is the hardest part, he will not look at anything from the internet. If only he would.

  No guarantee that would change anything. My husband did, and still was baptized. I even compiled a 12 page document of quotes cut and pasted directly from the WT 97 CD, where the Society said one thing and then reversed itself. It was nauseating stuff for me, but it didn't phase him at all.

  Well, I ramble on. Just remember like you said you husband is a good man, you just disagree with his religious inclinations. (Not trying to minimalize anything, but for the good of the relationship you have to focus on the positive as well.)

  Hope this helps.

  Take care,
  Michelle

  The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. -Erik H. Erikson
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  205

  HELLO? HELLO? "ALL" SIGN IN???????

  by waiting in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  simon did away with the sex forum - so i must take the tradional route and post under "make new friends.

  " how mundane!.

  fyi ---- for all of us, please take the time to write a sentence or two about yourselves, and encourage new ones to do the same.

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  myMichelle

  Arrgghh! I had typed a lengthy reply to Missy and I messed up, and it went off to Neverland. I know better too, durn it.

  Okay, I feel better now. Let's see if I can be briefer...

  Missy,
  You mention that you feel more comfortable on a db than with family and friends. I am too, I think that's because of the anonymity, it's not likely that you or your husband will meet anyone here and there aren't any worries that someone will call him a bastard for the anquish you are going through. I know I was hesitant to speak with family for that reason, my husband is a wonderful guy in every other aspect, it's the topic of religion that cause great dicord in our marriage. He sincerely believed that his involvement with the Org made him a better person, husband and father and I think he was stunned by my views to the complete opposite.

  I also have two young children and I forbade their KH attendance. I think this granted my husband sympathy from the congregation initially, but as it became clear that I would not be converting and the kids would not be attending that sympathy evaporated.

  IMO there are two standards for JWs with nonJW spouse, a female JW is granted leeway whereas a male JW is not. A female JW has the "He's the head of the household" mantra to fall back upon, where the male is expected to make his family fall in line. Perusing the Family book and various WT and A! articles, pages of advise is offered to female JWs and the male JWs might get a paragraph. Usually it is something to the effect of him being the head of household it is up to him to inculcate the mental regulations of Jehovah upon the children. No consideration is given to the female nonJW's beliefs or desires.

  That places your husband in a tenuous position. Combined with the honeymoon stage he's probably in, I don't think that the conversion attempts will end soon.

  I think that it is nothing less than rude though to have the bible study forced into your home. Does your husband expect you to ready the house for this event? I hope not. You mention that it makes you uncomfortable, but that it is his house as well. Do you have somewhere else you and the children could go during this time? You may consider that.

  I'd just like to reinforce that JW/nonJW marriages can and do work, there's just a lot more to work through. No doubt that you are experiencing a lot of pain, anger and sadness--and I truly hope that it will fade. I think it can with open communication between you and your partner, even if his religious persuasion does not change, but it takes a lot of work from both sides.

  Wishing the two of you the best, feel free to vent anytime, it isn't healthy to keep all of this bottled up inside--not for you, your children, or your marriage.

  Good luck,
  Michelle
  
  PS. Isn't there a WT or A! article relating how one JW "witnesses" loudly to a householder's dog, leading the householder to begin a study due to what he/she "overheard"? Probably the same thing going on with the study in your home.

  The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. -Erik H. Erikson
  
  edited to add PS and fix a sentence that was reading the complete opposite of what I meant.
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  205

  HELLO? HELLO? "ALL" SIGN IN???????

  by waiting in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  simon did away with the sex forum - so i must take the tradional route and post under "make new friends.

  " how mundane!.

  fyi ---- for all of us, please take the time to write a sentence or two about yourselves, and encourage new ones to do the same.

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  myMichelle

  Hello to all the new posters!

  Thought I'd check in on the Emperor's Hello thread, and it sure has grown.

  Missy: There are a few nonJWs with JW spouses posting here, myself included. I think it is extremely therapeutic to be able to share the frustrations, loneliness, etc with people who understand "where" you are coming from. Your friends and family can be sympathetic, but oftentime have a hard time understanding the chasm that develops between spouses when one becomes a member of the Organization.

  There is a lot of information about the WTS and its teachings on this site and others (Freeminds and Shawn's research on the WTS come to mind), along with suggestions of "do's" and "don'ts" when trying to present this information to your spouse. I know I managed to wrack up a lot of the "don'ts" and manage to drive my husband further into the Organization, and it took a while to repair that damage. It's only been four months since your husband's baptism, and I know I was still walking around feeling like I had been kicked at that time--hopefully you have been able to avoid the "don'ts" better than I.

  My email is unlocked if you would like to use it. I'll be watching for you around the board.

  Again, welcome to all.
  Michelle

  The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. -Erik H. Erikson
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  7

  2 parents in ICU

  by Esmeralda in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this is the only way i can get the word out that justin and i. each have a parent in university hospital intensive care units.

  at the moment.

  one in my home state, one in his.. my father had a brain aneurism 12 days ago and after brain surgery, and many long nights seems to be stable.

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  myMichelle

  Best hopes, wishes and thoughts to your parents, you, Justin, and the rest of the family.

  {{Hugs}}
  Michelle
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  10

  GREETINGS

  by josephus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its been a long time, but i am back for more chat.. hi to all who remember me from the old h20 (except youknow) is he here ?.

  im am still a nonattender.

  yeeeeh.. the evil elder who tried to remove me and my brother got removed himself !.

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  myMichelle

  Hi Josephus!

  Good to "see" you again! Hope things are going well for you and yours.

  Michelle
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  34

  H2O update

  by TheHighPriest in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  oh, man!

  i just had to bring this one to everyones attention.. i pressume that this is rick going off.. .

  bronze member .

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  myMichelle

  I'm not going to make a comment about any other part of the H2O post except for these two parts:
  

  Just who are these so-called "other interested ones" in the last part of your byline?

  These are people who are no longer Jehovah's Witnesses for whatever reasons, and are interested in dialog with those who are still faithful Jehovah's Witnesses.

  I am thankful that when I stumbled across the old H2O in the fall of 99 that such a limited definition of "other interested ones" was not listed. I am not, never have been, and cannot imagine ever becoming a JW, but since my spouse and in-laws are part of this organization, I have considered myself an "interested one". If that definition had been posted, I would not have registered to post and would have missed out on conversing with some very helpful people--I doubt that my marriage would have survived.

  BTW, I'm thankful that such a limited definition has not been established here.

  It is obvious therefore that the Watchtower would not approve of baptized Jehovah's Witnesses participating on any discussion board where ex-Jehovah's Witnesses and "worldly people" were also allowed to interact.

  It is amazing to me that there are JWs out there that are oblivious to the bigoted viewpoint of that statement. It's okay to preach to "worldly people", interupting their day at whim, but if a "worldly person" wishes to converse with a JW on a DB about JW beliefs, etc. that's just downright unacceptable. Why is that I wonder? Could it be that if a nonJW seeks out JWs on a discussion board that they are more apt to have a clue about WT teachings and may ask uncomfortable questions? What is the reason? Is it viewed as an intrusion? Then why is that not such a worry to JWs when disturbing nonJWs in their homes? Surely one's home should be considered more of a haven than a public internet forum. Things that should make one go hmmmm....

  Michelle

  The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. -Erik H. Erikson
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  8

  What was the drama about this year?

  by dedalus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'm asking because my jw dad is in it.

  all i know is that he's playing a bible character, but i'm wondering what bible scenario is being enacted.

  in a gesture of support and mutual tolerance, i was planning to go see him perform, cheer him on, that sort of thing.

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  myMichelle

  Hi Dedalus,

  It was something about Moses and Koresh, loyalty to God's organization versus loyalty to family. LosingMyReligion gave details on the whole DC in three different threads, the Sunday one is on one of the back pages.

  If anyone else would like to post their thoughts on the DC, I would be interested into further insights of what my in-laws heard this weekend (and how it may affect family relations).

  Michelle

  The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. -Erik H. Erikson
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  22

  I'm going to be a father!

  by dedalus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been a sorry excuse of a poster lately, so i'm not really in tune with what's going on with the board, but i still know enough people here to make an announcement: foxy, my fiancee, is pregnant!.

  so it happened a couple of years before we were planning it, before we could even get married, before i've finished my postgraduate degree -- but so what?

  we're financially sturdy enough to pull it off, i'll be able to complete the degree and get a good job, and no amount of financial anxiety seems to offset the excitement i feel to be having a child.

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  myMichelle

  I tried this earlier, and the internet ate my reply....

  CONGRATULATIONS as you embark upon a new adventure. (Makes it sound a little scary huh? Well, some of those early morning changings and feedings can be .) Welcome to the parenthood club and all that mushy warm-fuzzy stuff that surrounds such a joyous event, {{{Hugs}}} all around.

  All the best wishes,
  Michelle

  Edited for a typo, hope that's the only one.