@ - Damaged - Try to stay as far away from the WTBS as you can. All the "misery" that has been wrongly pushed upon you, is solely from that hurtful organization. They are teachings of judgemental men, and have even caused you to "hurt" yourself by the guilt and pressure YOU put upon yourself.
You have done nothing WRONG. All the examples you state about dating girls, or exploring your sexuality, is NORMAL. Once you take the blinders off that the WTBS put upon you, you will truly see all. You will realize that the DFing and power over you, by these MEN, is only there because YOU have given them this power over you.
They are NOT your judge. These Elders are NOT your keepers. Only God, or Jesus can judge YOU. No power or authority has been given them, except that which they have appointed upon themselves. The Organization is NOT a loving, or happy place. Instead it is a cold, heartless place, full of judgement, and hurt, full of hypocrisy, and teachings of men.
Ask yourself, have you EVER TRULY been HAPPY in the WTBS.? Have you TRULY been FULLY content, and felt WHOLE as a human, in the WTBS? I think YOU know the answer.
Dont listen to this poster Black spirit. He wants to direct you towards MORE MISERY. His way will destroy the love you are seeking, and further enslave you to the false teachings of MEN. If he wants to slave for an organization that is run by 8 MEN, then thats HIS right, but for him to hear your story and the trauma and hurt you have been through, and his answer is to go back for MORE of the same, then he did not truly hear your words. His is the way of more hurt, but under the guise of "love". Like Satan is said to be an Angel of light, so is the WTBS organization.
You know REALLY what the organization is about, though, dont you. Its about MEN making rules, MEN judging thru unscriptural JCs, MEN twisting your words, MEN not hearing your heartfelt pleads, MEN claiming they have power and authority over you. That IS this evil organization, and only YOU can free yourself from it. You will see and learn TRUE happiness, once you remove the yoke they have put upon you, and never allow them to have that power over you again.
I wish you the best, heres to freedom.