Posts by marriedtoajw

39

A reality test for Jehovah's Witnesses that really seems to work

by Terry in

i admit to a fondness for "factoids".

little snippets of information.

statistics.

marriedtoajw

Wow, what a simple concept and yet I can see how such simple questions can be effective. Great post...

29

Theocratic warfare

by marriedtoajw in

what is theocratic warfare exactly as it is taught by the watchtower?

are all jw's instructed to apply it?

how is it applied and to what degree and in what circumstances?

marriedtoajw

To Outlaw and Truthseeker - Then how can a UBM ever trust his JW wife in anything? Do you guys believe that trust is possible?

29

Theocratic warfare

by marriedtoajw in

what is theocratic warfare exactly as it is taught by the watchtower?

are all jw's instructed to apply it?

how is it applied and to what degree and in what circumstances?

What is Theocratic warfare exactly as it is taught by the Watchtower? Are all JW's instructed to apply it? How is it applied and to what degree and in what circumstances? Say, in the case of a JW being married to a UBM with children? How far does Theocratic Warfare go in this situation in the JW wife influencing the children? I await your responses, thanks...

25

Sparks are gonna fly in my home

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

as i've mentioned in a previous post, my wife has been sending mixed signals to me for years on what she does concerning violating jw rules.

what i didn't mention at the time was that she has also gone through gung ho sprees from time to time.

she is now insisting on taking the kids to the hall.

marriedtoajw

zengalileo sais - "Don't let the kids go to meetings, please. You may have to get a court order to that effect. Do you celebrate their birthdays? Christmas? How far are you from becoming a "regular worldly person?" Do you see that as an eventuality? now that your mind has worked its way loose, what do you see yourself doing? how is that going to change how you raise your kids? Are you going to let them be in Little League? Ballet lessons for the girls? Yoga, martial arts, etc?

Hi Zengalileo, I'm not a JW and never have been so I guess that makes me "Worldy" in their eyes but I know and my wife and her family knows that I have a strong moral compass grounded in "so called" Christian values. In fact, I would say I'm more conservative than my wife and her family which makes my situation all the more stranger. I think that's why they all held out hope for me for so long that I would eventually be converted. Problem is, I hate manipulation of any kind, no offense but especially by women who abuse the good heart of a man. We celebrate everything, including my wife as I've stated in a previous post.

My kids play sports; ie basketball, baseball, soccer, my daugher is in ballet and we all love it, including my wife. That's what's strange... I can't imagine not having my kids active in the community participating in things that we have done over the years. Yet if I was a JW and raised my kids that way, I truely believe that my wife would be miserable. Being married to me has exposed her to things she would have other wise never experienced. Yet, I'm the one that's suppose to change. Huhhhhh!!!!!

25

Sparks are gonna fly in my home

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

as i've mentioned in a previous post, my wife has been sending mixed signals to me for years on what she does concerning violating jw rules.

what i didn't mention at the time was that she has also gone through gung ho sprees from time to time.

she is now insisting on taking the kids to the hall.

marriedtoajw

NewChapter said - "Sounds like this will die down soon---she is not consistent. Plan some really nice family things on meeting nights. Lure her away again."

Yes she is inconsistant but I'm talking 20 years of inconsistency. I don't think that luring her away works. She just stops and starts and it's been going on forever. Since she's baptized, she would have to choose between me and her parents and sisters if she ever decided to leave. Although they only see each other a few times a year, she would probably still drag this on for the rest of our lives. ABibleStudent said - "If you have the money, take a mini 3-day vacation with your wife this weekend." We've also been doing this for years. Maybe I've been more successful at keeping her distracted than I thought but I'm afraid of things getting worst cuz I can barely handle what's going on now. Moshe said - "Unless your wife gets kicked out of the KH, this scenario might repeat itself again and again. " It has, again and again. I'm committed to my wife, for better or worst but we've always had problems communicating and she would never seek counceling. As far as she's concerned, I'm the one with the problem. I was confused for a long time about her personality quirks but when I found this site and others, I was overwhelmingly enlightened. Carla said - "Then, while he was at his numerous meetings (when they still had the other meeting night during the week) I would be on here and the kids would ask what was this place and what was going on, or we would discuss his goofy behavior or comments and why he thought the way he did and I am glad to say that they learned quite a bit about cults and jw-ism." Wow, now see this is what I believe I should do too but as a man, I have a hard time having my boys think badly or feel pitty for their mother. I'm not sure how I would do this but I am feeling something like this is necessary. I feel very strongly about keeping my kids away from this religion, not just because of doctrine, but because of the psychological head trip this religion puts soooo many people through. Commonsence seems lost on JW's. sad to but my wife included.

25

Sparks are gonna fly in my home

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

as i've mentioned in a previous post, my wife has been sending mixed signals to me for years on what she does concerning violating jw rules.

what i didn't mention at the time was that she has also gone through gung ho sprees from time to time.

she is now insisting on taking the kids to the hall.

marriedtoajw

As I've mentioned in a previous post, my wife has been sending mixed signals to me for years on what she does concerning violating JW rules. What I didn't mention at the time was that she has also gone through gung ho sprees from time to time. She is on one now. She is now insisting on taking the kids to the hall. I guess it was a matter of time but I'm so sick of the head games and the back and forth. I don't think I can take it anymore. Too much time has gone bye, too much has gone unsaid and for her to start up now is more than I can handle. I've been waiting for her to come to her sences but it's only getting worst.

Her parents and sister are gung ho so I know she's definitely getting pressure. I sence that she really is trying to full speed ahead. I need advice cuz right now I'm about to lose it cuz she's now going after my babies and I refuse to let their heads get poisoned... Help!!!

11

Fading??? Please explain how this is done?

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

i'm not a jw but married to one.

one of the things i read constantly about jw's trying to leave the org.

is this process of fading???

marriedtoajw

I'm not a JW but married to one. One of the things I read constantly about JW's trying to leave the Org. is this process of fading??? Please forgive me cuz I've never been a JW but, how is this done? I would assume that some one who is "fading" is decreasing meeting attendence and other JW activities for the purpose of slipping away without being noticed by the Elders. Again, I presume this is so that a fader can maintain a relationship with JW family members. How is this possible??? I mean, wouldn't JW family members know that a fader is not going to meetings anymore and would want to know why? I guess this can continue for a while but wouldn't JW's eventually know what a fader is trying to do and eventually call them on it. Again, I'm sorry if my ignorance is obvious to you guys but this really confuses me. Can you guys tell me more about how fading is successfully accomplished and what would an ideal fade look like. Thanks for your responses in advance...

20

How do you go on when married to a JW who doesn't want to be a JW

by marriedtoajw in

i've posted on here a few times under the screen name of sahara but had to change it, long story... anyway i've posted some of my story being married to a jw for twenty years with four children, none of whom are jw's or are studying to be one.

i've stated on my other posts that i've done lots of research on jw's and watchtower history, i don't think there is anything about the history and tactics of jws that i haven't personally come across or studied, though i could be wrong.

people who are not intimately familiar with jw beliefs and practices seem to view them as strange simply because they don't celebrate holidays or salute the flag etc, but those of us who are more familiar with them know that there is far more than meets the eyes of casual observers.

marriedtoajw

GL tirebiter said - That's hard to say, it could be many different things. She might feel that by making accomodations to you and the children that she is holding the family together. It may be a little act of rebellion for her, tasting the forbidden fruit. Or it may be a taste of normalcy that helps her cope with the Watchtower pressure. Perhaps she is mentally "out", but can't quite let go because she fears the reaction from other JWs. If you ask her about it, there's a good chance she can't tell you why; she may not really know herself. Switching between a Watchtower personality at the Kingdom Hall and a genuine personality elsewhere causes that confusion.

I think this is all true tirebiter. I did ask her about it once on a day I knew her parents gave her some grief about going to a 4th of July vacation weekend with my cousins at the Colorado River earlier this year. She just said nothings wrong but it was obvious to me she felt guilty.

clarity said - Does she ever say that the watchtower society is not the truth?

Once I asked her why she's attacted to the religion and she said because it all makes sence. I've deliberately don't put her on the spot about being honest about her true feelings because I believe she will shut down and never open up to me. Once a few years ago I kind of went on a rant about how I can't believe she thinks this is "the truth" and I went on and on about a few doctrines I couldn't agree with. She shut down quick and didn't say another word. I feel I made a mistake then, it's been a couple of years since that rant.

Sizemik said - I would be careful about forcing the situation beyond what it is. Once you do, there's no going back . . . and it may turn belly-up on you.

This is exactly what I think will happen which is why I keep biting my lip. I know she's in turmoil as her mother is a gung ho witnes who eventually overpowered my wifes dad who eventually submitted and became a gung ho JW too when there was a time I thought it wouldn't happen but it did. I thinkk my wife is just waiting me out, but it ain't gonna happen.

Just to answer everyone else, I am familiar with Steve Hassans work but haven't read his books. I've read COC and Gentile Times Revisited as I believe the 607 B.B thing and how it relates to 1914 is the closest to a silver bullet that there is. I don't think she's trying to fade, I think she's doing what she believes she has to to keep the peace as well. This is all very tough...

20

How do you go on when married to a JW who doesn't want to be a JW

by marriedtoajw in

i've posted on here a few times under the screen name of sahara but had to change it, long story... anyway i've posted some of my story being married to a jw for twenty years with four children, none of whom are jw's or are studying to be one.

i've stated on my other posts that i've done lots of research on jw's and watchtower history, i don't think there is anything about the history and tactics of jws that i haven't personally come across or studied, though i could be wrong.

people who are not intimately familiar with jw beliefs and practices seem to view them as strange simply because they don't celebrate holidays or salute the flag etc, but those of us who are more familiar with them know that there is far more than meets the eyes of casual observers.

marriedtoajw

20

How do you go on when married to a JW who doesn't want to be a JW

by marriedtoajw in

i've posted on here a few times under the screen name of sahara but had to change it, long story... anyway i've posted some of my story being married to a jw for twenty years with four children, none of whom are jw's or are studying to be one.

i've stated on my other posts that i've done lots of research on jw's and watchtower history, i don't think there is anything about the history and tactics of jws that i haven't personally come across or studied, though i could be wrong.

people who are not intimately familiar with jw beliefs and practices seem to view them as strange simply because they don't celebrate holidays or salute the flag etc, but those of us who are more familiar with them know that there is far more than meets the eyes of casual observers.

marriedtoajw

I've posted on here a few times under the screen name of Sahara but had to change it, long story... Anyway I've posted some of my story being married to a JW for twenty years with four children, none of whom are JW's or are studying to be one. I've stated on my other posts that I've done lots of research on JW's and Watchtower History, I don't think there is anything about the history and tactics of JWs that I haven't personally come across or studied, though I could be wrong. People who are not intimately familiar with JW beliefs and practices seem to view them as strange simply because they don't celebrate holidays or salute the flag etc, but those of us who are more familiar with them know that there is far more than meets the eyes of casual observers. Not all evil and bad just... well mostly yes, but I understand they believe they do what they do to please "Jehovah". I struggle still to give them a pass on this but, well I do...

Being married to a JW for as long as I have, there have been many land mines I've had to manuver through in just keeping my family in tact while trying to hedge all the JW stuff. As a "never been a JW" I will never ever pretend to understand exactly what you all have gone through in fading. being disfellowshiped, disassociated and shunned by your family. In fact, just reading some of your stories has opened my eyes to how JW's really think and have had to re-interpret some of my experiences in the past with my wife and her JW family which shead light on things that use to confuse me. I must say though that it's not that much easier for some one in my position the last few years who has to deal with the "real world" and all that it means to deal with the "real world" while trying to raise a family with someone I love very much but who has allowed a monster into our home who has convinced her that nothing else matters but studying sales techniques and manipulating people into accepting a belief system that will eventually force them to give up their free will and individuality without them realizing that this is what happend. Fighting that monster has become more than a 12 round slug fest taking body blows and hooks from different directions while never really throwing many of my own. Biting my lip and strapping my tounge to the roof of my mouth to keep the peace has been more than draining. I fear I have reached the last knots in my rope which has provided rest while lowering myself down a cliff and I'm woundering now if it's time to jump and take my chances.

But for now I'd like to as you why would my wife dress up as a Fairy for Holloween and go with me to a Holloween party? Why would she go with me to every celebration that she's suppose to abstain from even when I tell her it's ok if she doesn't? Why does she attend meetings only once every three months? Why does she talk about going back to college? Why does she allow her Non-JW family to take her out to dinner for her Birthday where the waiters sing for her and give her a cake with candles when she must have known this would happen? Why would she talk about future celebrations like Birthday Parties for our kids and my relatives and help plan them? Why would she be in my Nieces Quinceniera ceremony presided over by a Catholic Priest and neil down in front of an alter?

Why would she do these things if in fact she wants to be a JW? Then she tries to drag my daugher to meetings and my oldest son to assemblies.

WTF is all I can say to myself cuz I just dont know anymore...