Posts by justangel

17

Coping/Living/Understanding

by justangel in

i’m relatively new to this forum but am far from new when it comes to living life as a jw.

i wanted to throw out there my own personal experience and feelings and welcome any conversations (i’m mighty chatty and don’t have much for friends when it comes to jw’s) .

i hit the turning of an era nearly a month ago of legally becoming an adult, raised as a j dub my whole life.

cyberjesus, I do have a friend who I also PIMO as myself, a little younger but sharing the same viewpoints. Now we’re moving away so I won’t even have her aside from occasional visits.
I’m just exhausted from dealing with all of this. They never make it easy to just live a normal life. I’ll be cornered and pressured into pursuing new friendships at the new hall. Pressured into D2D and studying again + meetings, commenting, and hall get to togethers. Not only does the religion have their grips tight on me but so does my family. Feels like the walls are closing in

17

Coping/Living/Understanding

by justangel in

i’m relatively new to this forum but am far from new when it comes to living life as a jw.

i wanted to throw out there my own personal experience and feelings and welcome any conversations (i’m mighty chatty and don’t have much for friends when it comes to jw’s) .

i hit the turning of an era nearly a month ago of legally becoming an adult, raised as a j dub my whole life.

justangel

JwTom- thank you SO MUCH for that! It’s incredibly helpful and comforting. I am going about this as a fade route for now so I don’t, like you said, rock the boat too much. I’m definitely a PIMO myself, struggling because 14-15 year old me used to be this overly-happy-constantly commenting-spiritual-girl that my parents now hold against me. Saying that I’ve changed for the worse and am just going through a phase, which in my heart I’m not.

And with my anxiety, my parents don’t think it’s something I should go in for or get any prescription drugs for, which in understandable to a degree but therapy is definitely out of the question. They’d say that my life isn’t THAT terrible and I don’t have problems SO BAD that I need to talk to a shrink, then just say therapists use certain tactics to talk to you. Or my favorite: “you don’t need a therapist when you have us”

but another note, is it stupid to feel anxious around my family for them being so involved with “the truth”? I feel like their teachings go way overboard especially with this pandemic that it’s a “sign of the end” and it’s freaking me out. My parents pull a ton of the religion sh!t on me like “this is all from Jehovah” and “did you know the Bible actually says...?” There can’t be one normal f$#%!@g conversation without the Bible or religion being dragged into it. This is real life. Every other person on this planet does just fine without “the truth”. I know you have to be careful, the world is a scary place and it’s easy to get into trouble. But I don’t know, just the way they act so cultish makes me panic sometimes

sorry just had to vent

10

Had the craziest dream that my wife Disassociated from the JW cult

by goingthruthemotions in

what a crazy dream, it was so cool....she came to me and told me she da'd from the cult.

i was so happy in my dream.

when i woke, it took me a few seconds to realize it was only a dream and that she is still brainwashed.

justangel

I have quite a few of those dreams myself, except it’s me DA’ing and feeling free as a bird. Then wake up to reality again to drag through another day being around brain dead robots.

Well.. big RIP to both of us I suppose. Same feelings but different point of views. You’re not alone, my friend

17

Coping/Living/Understanding

by justangel in

i’m relatively new to this forum but am far from new when it comes to living life as a jw.

i wanted to throw out there my own personal experience and feelings and welcome any conversations (i’m mighty chatty and don’t have much for friends when it comes to jw’s) .

i hit the turning of an era nearly a month ago of legally becoming an adult, raised as a j dub my whole life.

justangel

So a question to everyone who has more experience with this than me. A lot of people on here have been telling me to use theocratic knowledge to my advantage or to ask “sincere” questions against them to kinda play a turn table card almost. Could someone give me a few examples of that by chance?

And I guess another question. I struggle with anxiety already but haven’t ever gone in to get officially diagnosed. With my family moving (houses and congregations) my mom wants me to, like I stated previously, go into this hall open mindedly and try to be my “old self” like happy little pioneer me reaching out in the congregation. Do I just play this like being totally fake to everyone? Or just be nice and cordial? When these new people invite me to do things to “get to know me” what do I do?

17

Coping/Living/Understanding

by justangel in

i’m relatively new to this forum but am far from new when it comes to living life as a jw.

i wanted to throw out there my own personal experience and feelings and welcome any conversations (i’m mighty chatty and don’t have much for friends when it comes to jw’s) .

i hit the turning of an era nearly a month ago of legally becoming an adult, raised as a j dub my whole life.

justangel

I am baptized, at the beginning everything was going alright but I suppose as the years ebbed on things just started to erk me. The way people nod and agree with public speakers or commenters, how it’s all based off one high and mighty source of power with us as servants giving constant praise (pretty cultish to me). It’s like they’ve all been brainwashed and I’m the only one seeing through all the nonsense.

I have the ability to further my education while still living at home but it’s kind of tricky with this pandemic and no schools being open. I just want to pursue a community college to get trained in a field for working. So with no schooling right away it leaves me trapped even longer in the clutches of my controlling / manipulative setting at home under JW headship. I just want to pull the plug on it but have to kind of play it by ear (A lot is happening)

I told only my mom about my standpoint / views of the witnesses very vaguely. She said she understands but then it comes down to the merry go round of questions. “Where did this come from all of a sudden? Is it because we got in contact with worldly family? Are you talking to worldly people? I really think these are just negative feelings from negative experiences in our hall” SO, needless to say that it’s going to be a rootin tootin pain in the ass getting out. My family is looking to relocate, which means a new hall. Mom thinks that will drastically help me when I clearly told her it’s not the people but the teachings and my differing beliefs. So she told me to just “wait and go into this new hall with an open mind and don’t throw everything away because of a few negative feelings” yeah ok mom.

Sorry I’m giving you like my whole life story. I’m trying to figure out my next steps, how to have a solid escape plan, and how to cope in the meantime. So it’s kinda hard to do on the forum haha

17

Coping/Living/Understanding

by justangel in

i’m relatively new to this forum but am far from new when it comes to living life as a jw.

i wanted to throw out there my own personal experience and feelings and welcome any conversations (i’m mighty chatty and don’t have much for friends when it comes to jw’s) .

i hit the turning of an era nearly a month ago of legally becoming an adult, raised as a j dub my whole life.

justangel

I’m relatively new to this forum but am far from new when it comes to living life as a JW. I wanted to throw out there my own personal experience and feelings and welcome any conversations (I’m mighty chatty and don’t have much for friends when it comes to JW’s)

I hit the turning of an era nearly a month ago of legally becoming an adult, raised as a j dub my whole life. glamorous I know. Being raised a witness you never actually have the liberty or choice of your own beliefs, likes/dislikes, friends, or activities. Most of which is monitored and, in whole, controlled by your parents/family members, elders, and those in the congregation who are watching, (always watching), waiting for you to take a misstep to correct your error. And any differing belief you have is instantly questioned and put under a microscope to search for apostasy or outside source.

The people are nice enough depending on which hall you’re dragged into or visit, but you can take their friendliness at face value knowing that so much more lies beneath when it comes to a judge of character.

I missed out on my whole public schooling life, no football games or after school activities, proms were forbidden to even mention, and friendships outside of the hall were highly discouraged. Which, now, is rearing its ugly face when it comes to my social life. So at the time, thinking it was the right thing to pursue, I pioneered a year after graduating. Well, after that horrible experience I now know how the doormats feel at every door they visit. The other pioneers were nothing but horrible to me and talked down to me as if I weren’t good enough - much like how the whole religion acts.

ANYWHO. Now being an adult I search for freedom! And happiness! And just wanting to be me!! (I can’t even be myself around my own family because it’d be “worldly actions”) I know the journey will be long and hard and ultimately devastating to the rest of my family. But being raised under such strict, limiting, and depreciating guidelines I feel worn out and scared to even be around my own family because of their affiliations and beliefs. It’s truthfully a cult - 10/10 would not recommend. It’s worn on me emotionally, mentally, and physically, any coping mechanisms until I can escape somehow??