i am so unsure.. .
i am sure that my misery will spread to my potential wife and kids.. .
decisions, decisions... .
Lisa Rose, Thanks!
I only just finished my first module on Inter-personal Relationships. Wow! Lot's of skill building!
I can ask my therapist about supplementary reading on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy the next time I see her and will let you know.
The concept of Radical Acceptance is part of the program. I am reading:
And I am listening to:
Both available on Amazon.com
i am so unsure.. .
i am sure that my misery will spread to my potential wife and kids.. .
decisions, decisions... .
Usual User Name, I have waited to answer your question, as I wanted to give it some thought. At first, I thought that I shouldn't be the one to answer, because I am the one who has suffered from not only severe, recurrent clinical depression, but Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well. I thought that perhaps my hubby, Bethel Yellow Dollar Bag should be the one to answer. We have been married for nearly 35 years and he has stood by me through some dark times. He feels that depression is on a spectrum like many other conditions. You say your therapist says yours is bad. The good thing is that you seem to be addressing it. He also says genetics is a crap shoot, and if we looked at our genetic family tree, none of us would have children-- heart disease killed both my father and my paternal grandmother each at age 54, diabetes and high blood pressure run in my family, as well as severe mental illness (schizo-effective disorder, severe bi-polar disorder, personality disorders, severe clinical depression), alcoholism and addiction.
The posters that say that depression can be situational or bio-chemical are right. It could also be both. In my situation getting out of the bOrg felt euphoric at first, but my depressive symptoms settled back in about six months later, so I needed to get busy addressing it. My body just does not get along with medications. I wear a medic alert bracelet for my anaphylactic allergies, carry an epi-pen and an Excel spreadsheet full of lower level reactions and side effects to meds in my wallet. Lol!
I believe that having a plan of action to deal with your depression is key. Mine is:
1. Don't drink. Alcohol is a depressant. Drinking is not an option for someone with any level of depression.
2. Make "Suicide is not an option." your mantra.
3. Actively work at doing everything you can do to alleviate your depressive moods/thoughts including therapy, a good diet, daily exercise outdoors, regular sleep. Practice some form of meditaton, mindfullness and or yoga. Get in your body and out of your head. Living in the moment beats ruminating over the past or anxiously anticipating the future.
4. Make calling Dr. PCP your first action. Establish a really good relationship with your primary care physician. Make him/her your keeper of all records. Have all test results from other doctors sent to your PCP. Give written permission for your PCP and your therapist and any other prescribing physician to speak to one another. My APRN and my PCP have agreed that we are out of prescription meds alternatives for my depression at this point. I am on a low dose of anti-anxiety meds and see my primary care doctor once a month at this point. I'm doing very well, but it takes commitment and work!
5. I highly recommend using an APRN over a psychiatrist for meds. Here in the USA a psychiatrist only sees you for 15 minutes a session. This is unexceptable and dangerous. I was hospitalized and nearly died from over-medication by a psychiatrist that didn't take the time to listen to my side effects. An APRN (Nurse Practitioner) is highly qualified to prescribe meds, does not charge as much, and your appointments will range from one-half hour for a meds-only check up to an hour if you are using your APRN for therapy as well.
6. If after a year, your therapist is not helping you, try a new form of therapy (Don't wait a year if your gut tells you that you and the therapist are just not a good fit.) I found that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy just didn't work for me, I was too depressed to think straight enough to get it. Just sitting there and talking out my problems didn't help at all. There are some really flakey theapists out there, trust me on that one. Move on if it isn't working.
7. Try DBT Therapy. It is an evidenced-based therapy (meaning your insurance will gladly pay, because it works!) It will be four months of twice-weekly group sessions to learn skills and go over homework assignments, and there will be once weekly individual sessions. You will be doing intensive work! There are four modules: Mindfullness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Self-Regulation and Inter-Personal Relationships. One of the things I learned right away was that the bOrg takes away all, and I mean all of your "Legitimate Rights". You will learn how to assert your rights in a healthy way.
YOUR LEGITIMATE RIGHTS
8. Make no major life decisions in a depressive state. Make no major life decisions for a year following a life changing event, including an in-patient hospitalization or an intensive out-patient hospitalization.
With regard to your question about children. If you find someone who loves you and there has been full disclosure about your depression and you remain determined to address all isues, you and your partner will be able to make the right choice. My hubby and I have raised two beautiful (inside and out), talented, well-rounded children who are hard-working adults who give back to their community. Also, I personally believe that the decision to have only two children was the best decision for us. Hubby was a lonely only child, and I was raised by an alcholic father and a mother with an untreated mental illness. They had five children. We lived in chaos.
PS Don't be put off that DBT was originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder. It is now known to be extremely helpful to many people with varied mood disorders.
Obviously, all of the above is my opinion, and you only can make the best decison for your health care and for your life. Free will is liberating!
did you have a to-do list upon exiting the cult, and have you accomplished your goals?
if you are still "in", have you started your list?.
my list:.
When I wrote my OP, I had my initial personal de-programming strategy list in mind.
Since a university education is not financially feasible at this late date, I have persued my further education through TED.com, Khanacademy.org, Comedy Central's Jon Stewart (does that qualify? LOL!) and International Living.com. I am studying about retirement oversees, Spanish, photography, teaching ESL and travel writing. I took training to teach as an ESL volunteer and currently am teaching a family man from El Salvador to read and write, so he can get his citizenship. This has been a tremendously rewarding venture. bethelyellow$bag and I also volunteer for an organization that helps handicapped individuals go sailing. I did all the photography for their website and for some other small businesses as well. My hubby just passed his captain's license test and has taken ASA Sailing Instructor courses. We look forward to retirement oversees on a sailboat. We are presently on our way back from a vacation in the FL Keys where I just learned I love kayacking! My little dog and I will be out and about on the high seas! Yay!
I'm not much into gambling, but by dub deffinition buying raffle tickets for charitry qualifies as gambling, so I guess I gamble. Whatever!
I would adore becoming a grandmother, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards just yet.
I practice yoga, meditation and mindfulness. I went on a yoga retreat and attended a mindfulness seminar with the author of The Now Effect.
Most importantly, I am going through intensive DBT therapy for four months-- this includes a month on each of the following: Inter-personal Relationships, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Self Regulation and Mindfulness. I have learned that the WTB$ takes away all of our "Legitimate Rights." I am learning to establish healthy boundaries.
Thanks for all of your posts!
did you have a to-do list upon exiting the cult, and have you accomplished your goals?
if you are still "in", have you started your list?.
my list:.
Did you have a to-do list upon exiting the cult, and have you accomplished your goals? If you are still "in", have you started your list?
My List:
1. Get rid of all cult literature. I didn't want to waste the earth's resources, so I wanted to find a good re-purposing plan. I dediced to donate all my literature to a Cultic Studies Center's Research Library. I only kept the 2010 WT CD ROM for referring to when posting on ex-JW forums.
2. Celebrate holidays. Gave out candy on Halloween, had a Thanksgiving Turkey Fry with our son, celebrated Christmas in Guatemala with our daughter, went on a sailing trip for July 4th weekend to celebrate my Independence Day from the bOrg (Left July 3, 2011 after last day of DC), Hubby's July 4th birthday and my July 5th birthday-- loved all the fireworks!, etc.
3. Invited a gay couple to spend the weekend in our home, so I could view them as real people.
4. Watched scary and "demonistic" movies-- started slowly with Harry Potter, LOL!
5. Registered and voted in my first election.
6. Began personally thanking military personnel for their service.
7. Participated in a 911 memorial service.
8. Donate blood.
I am happy to have accomplished all of my goals with the exception of donating blood, as I have not had the opportunity, and I am B12 defficient and think I should wait to correct that anyway. I may just add to my list, if I like any of your ideas!
PS Sorry you will have to wait another 24 hours for another thread from my hubby. I posted this under his user name in error. Oops!
the age newspaper | fairfax media | friday, march 15, 2013. jehovah's witnesses a 'cruel cult'.
http://www.theage.com.au/national/jehovahs-witnesses-a-cruel-cult-20130315-2g5x3.html.
christian sect the jehovah's witnesses - with 64,000 active 'disciples' in australia - are a cruel religion with no soul, according to melbourne cultbuster raphael aron.. his warning comes as the federal government considers tightening the definition of a charity to prevent some cults and quasi-religions keeping their tax free status.
THE LIE is going to catch up with the WTB$.
i'm so excited-my hubby who faded over 30 years ago finally lurked here on jwn!.
i've been posting on a few threads here and there for a while now, but have not officially introduced myself.
i have told bits and pieces of my story already.
Flipper, I think I've become addicted to key lime pie! Hubby did his intro post under the user name bethelyellowdollarbag. He's hoping that may jog someone's memory!
i stay at my grandmother's house and pay a little rent to her (r500) as it is all i can afford.
i do however buy and take care of all my own food, washing etc.. this morning at 6 am, my bedroom door opend, slammed shut, heard the key turn a couple of times, open and slam shut again.
i woke up with a fright as that has never happened....first thought is someone is in the house.
http://www.reddit.com/r/atheisthavens
LouBelle, I think you have a few options here, depending on your location. Above is a link to people who are willing to provide safe haven in situations such as yours.
Also, since you are paying a reasonable rate for a room, why not look on Craig's List if you are in the USA? Also, consider a job as a live-in companion to an elderly person or a position as a live-in nanny. Housesitting may provide a temporary save haven.
The simple way to look at this is: What is my current situation? How might I be able to help someone else?
i'm so excited-my hubby who faded over 30 years ago finally lurked here on jwn!.
i've been posting on a few threads here and there for a while now, but have not officially introduced myself.
i have told bits and pieces of my story already.
Thanks Flipper and 00Dad, The real life we are living now is nothing compared to the carrot dangled in front of us for so long! Hubby and I are staying in a tiny "villa" on the edge of a nature preserve on Long Key in Florida this week. We were greeted by a lovely night heron! We'll be kayaking in the mangroves and snorkeling. I'll be doing some photography and yoga. Looks like we will be meeting up with a fellow sailor from sail.net for a sail as well. Horrors! Meeting up we some worldly guy who we don't even know and who 'hides who he is' on Satan's tool, the internet! Lol!
i'm so excited-my hubby who faded over 30 years ago finally lurked here on jwn!.
i've been posting on a few threads here and there for a while now, but have not officially introduced myself.
i have told bits and pieces of my story already.
Jgnat, thanks for asking, my depression is non-existant now. We lived in the northern part of town in a rual area for nine years. Within walking distance to my house was a road called World's End Swamp Hollow Road. The name and the place depicted my life as a dub. I am no longer wading thigh deep through a swamp every day of my life.
Unfortunately, my PTSD was recently reactivated by the Sandy Hook, CT USA shootings. My PTSD is not entirely related to being a dub, but it certainly didn't help matters! I do still have nightmares about being trapped in the cult as well, so I am back in therapy for all that. Fortunately, I can now be fully open and honest about what I'm thinking and feeling, so maybe the therapy will actually be effective this time. How is a therapist supposed to help when you can only say you are a JW, divorce is not an option and you can't talk about "spiritual matters"? In reality there is no way a therapist can help a fully indoctrinated cult member.
Colbalt Cupcake, thanks for using my nickname from Yuku! I love your blog!
i'm so excited-my hubby who faded over 30 years ago finally lurked here on jwn!.
i've been posting on a few threads here and there for a while now, but have not officially introduced myself.
i have told bits and pieces of my story already.
Quandry and Problemaddict, You both got me thinking about my son, so I gave him a call. We chatted for over an hour. He is really not at all interested in anything dub related and asked why I keep bringing it up. I was honest and told him that I'm concerned that since he is lonely, he might want to return to what feels safe and familiar. I told him I so regret raising him in a cult. He said, "They think they know how people should live their lives, and it just doesn't work in the real world." He assured me again that he has no intention of ever going back, and should it even cross his mind, he will call me first. He restated that he just doesn't see that ever happening, and that I should stop worrying about such unrealistic things. I told him his Dad is starting to look at some Ex-JW forums just to plant that little seed again. He said he's thinking of coming up for a visit before his busy season gets in high gear! That made me so happy!
And yes, Quandry, I love not being accountable to the WTB$ and running full tilt just to keep up with all the demands. Also, I don't intend to wear either nylons or high heals ever again for the rest of my life! Someone just told me that I always look so nice, that she just loves the way I use color so beautifully. I love the new me! I was such a drab dub! When I think of how many times a day I had to change my clothes when I was a dub, it makes my head spin!
