Hey Silvia,
What's up? I noticed your post and would agree with some of the others that seeking outside help is a good idea. In the meantime, you might be able to do something briefly, just so you can see exactly what it is that you really want. You see, I noticed a lot just from what you wrote in your post. I would imagine that you had REASONS for stopping your study (just like I had my reasons for leaving the JWs). And of course, they were good reasons.....But the group also gave you something. You said that you depended on your study group to give you purpose and that ruminating on a creator helped you sleep at night. That you were becoming dependent on the religious structure. So what else in your life could give you a sense of purpose ? What other feelings did being with a group and focusing on a creator give you(besides purpose, maybe it allowed you to feel connected with other people or at ease......those are just examples, those could be other things you felt or it could be entirely different)? ...........Relax and take about 5 minutes to write down what you had to gain from it........then take maybe 5 minutes and write down other things you've done in the past that gave you the same feelings of purpose and direction and whatever other feelings you gained....or what COULD give you those same feelings. Write down all the possibilities........Now you have a list of things you can do to give you those same good feelings......You could even take it a step further and write down all of the foods you really like. The types of movies and t.v. programs that give you good feelings. The types of music that make you feel energized. The people you really enjoy being around. The aromas you enjoy. The sights you enjoy...and surround yourself with these. Now, you can allow yourself to simply fill in the void and fill those needs that need to be filled and allow yourself to SLOW DOWN and really let these learnings about yourself sink in and absorb them. You might even be able to remember a time in the past when you dealt with something.......something that at the time seemed like such a painful experience. And although it was painful at the time you can look back at it and laugh about it now, because like with any experience where you've experienced difficulty, it allowed you to learn and grow and you could look back on it today and say to yourself "Never again". And you survived and became a stronger person with more life experience. Who knows? You may even notice yourself being able to sleep more easily.
Take care :)
Jonathan