outcast

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Posts by outcast

• 
  5

  How to give a pill to a cat and a dog

  by outcast in

  1. social
  2. humour

  tightly with left hand.

  spouse from garden.. .

  get spouse to hold head firmly with.

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  outcast

  CAT:
  
  1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
  baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
  gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat
  opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
  
  2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm
  and repeat process.
  
  3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
  
  4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
  tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
  right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
  
  5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
  spouse from garden.
  
  6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
  paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with
  one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and
  vigorously rub cat's throat.
  
  7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a
  note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
  figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
  
  8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
  visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
  open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
  
  9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to
  take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from
  carpet with cold water and soap.
  
  10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer.
  Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force
  mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
  
  11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
  Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to
  cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey
  compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away
  and fetch new one from bedroom.
  
  12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the
  road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
  cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
  
  13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and
  bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves
  from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be
  rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
  to wash pill down.
  
  14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency
  room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
  remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
  
  15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop
  to see if they have any hamsters. DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.

  
  
• 
  21

  Is SYN a Cereal KIller?

  by Perry in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  dear syn, .

  without doing a lot of checking, i recall liking your posts, though to my knowledge we never really exchanged more than a few comments.

  and, i'm sure that the person in your photograph is a very nice person.

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  outcast

  ROFL Sanddigger, now that was funny!

  Now to just get the visual out of my mind.
• 
  42

  My S.A.D. experience

  by NewYork44M in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for those who have been out of touch for more than a few years, a s.a.d.

  is the special assembly day.

  i attended the sad in brooklyn this weekend and thought you might enjoy some of the highlights.. the morning began with two "telling" illustrations.

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  outcast

  I think his PHD was in Pork bellys.
• 
  59

  Bill Bowen: a 'burial' ONLY for those who can read

  by Focus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the fleabites received for my speaking the absolute truth, almost entirely free from speculation, in:.

  the thread found by clicking here would be hilarious if the matter at hand was not so serious.

  i guess the biters generally display the poor reading and reasoning powers, and the huge desire to hero-worship ("my jehovah can beat up your jesus") that got so many embroiled in the cult of lies in the first place.... .

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  outcast

  ??????????????????

  I was just bring flowers, where do I put them?
• 
  24

  WHAT IS DEJA VU??

  by Mary in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  i think everyone has had an experience with deja vu; i know i have and it's really freaky when it happens.

  i'll be standing there talking to someone and that feeling comes over me that i've done this before; i've had the exact same conversation with this person and i can even predict what they're going to say.. with someone i know, that's one thing; having this experience with someone i've never met before is really bizarre.. i've heard all kinds of theorys as to what deja vu is: a "delay" in the brain, reincarnation, someone in the future has changed the past and we sometimes 'repeat' things, it's all in your head, it's satan.......... i'd be interested to hear what sort of experiences you've had with deja vu and what you think it is........ .

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  outcast

  ROFL@ blondie

  You are so right!
• 
  8

  Lucky Charms, the forbidden fruit.

  by kenpodragon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when i was a witness i remember one time being in the kingdom hall talking to a group and a little kid walked up with something his "worldly" grandmother gave him.

  it was a rabbits foot on a key chain, a very well known symbol or good luck charm.

  i remember the woman in the group kind of freaking out, and walking the child back to his parents and demanding that the demonized object be taken out of gods house.

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  outcast

  " Frosted Lucky Charms..their magicly delicious "

  I only remember wanting this cereal, but it was banned in our house. When I got my own house I bought some, I was sick for two days and knew.....they were demunized.

  kenpodragon, everything that is tied to good memories in jw life is considered just that, good memories. Out of JW life, if we wear or do something that we remember as a good thing that happened to us, it's called positive thinking. But in jw life if we do it, it's called good luck, or demunized.

  Life gets so simple out of the borg.

  Good Luck in your life kenpodragon!
• 
  18

  Hypothetical Situation

  by TR in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  when you were a child, say, 6 to 10 years old, you were molested by a friend's dad several times.

  suddenly, they move, not to be be seen again, until.... thirty five years later.

  you see the perv with his son(your childhood friend) at a store.

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  outcast

  Be the guy on the grassy knoll?
• 
  7

  HOW WOULD YOU KILL YOUR CHILD?

  by MYOHNSEPH in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  there's a question which has puzzled me for many years, especially when i was a jw.

  i always liked the analogy of the creator as being a loving father.

  i have four daughters and i consider myself to be a loving father.

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  outcast

  MYOHNSEPH,

  The problem here is you feel and think too much. If we die a terrible violent death, it is because we deserved it.

  And because as witnesses we are special, it means we have to live in horror. At any time we could dis-please our creator, and then we would die a horrific death.

  What part of a loving creator did you miss in your years as a witness?

  Didn't you instill that horror into you daughters? If they have panic attacks and low self esteem, You were a good JW dad. Go in peace.

  And always remember, you did it for their own wellbeing.
• 
  37

  The Secret Way Elders Are Actually Appointed

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  does anyone have a clue as to how elders actually get appointed?

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  outcast

  I'm confused,

  I'll tell you a little about myself. I have been raised a Witness, am in my mid 40's,and had been an elder since 1980. My family is somewhat still "in" but are becoming more aware of the hypocrisy that is obviously in the organization. I have held nearly every overseer job except service. I was regularly used in circuit and district parts. This year I resigned as an elder and I am trying to work with my family in a step by step manner so as not to overload their senses.Things are working out well. I try to be very patient and I am seeing some fruitage.......

  If you were an elder for so many years, why don't you tell us how they are appointed?
• 
  20

  A sunburnt country

  by ozziepost in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this news report is showing on channel nine here this evening.

  summer is still a long way off, yet the bush-fire season has started here.

  the drought continues with no rain forecast till next year.

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  outcast

  That would explain alot about Prisca. Now the whole area is dry.