I have always felt that my goal as a parent should be to raise healthy (where it is up to me), happy, well-adjusted children who will be a credit to society. For the most part, I think I'm succeeding. Despite AND because of my past involvement with Jehovah's Witnesses. Morals have been clearly driven home, yet, my children had only a moderately restrictive JW upbringing because of living in a divided household.
My 12 year old son has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder which scared the bejeezus out of me!
My husband has the attitude that our highly intelligent son's difficult attitude is come by honestly -- apparently my husband sees himself in our son. And that may be more true than my husband realizes. For, since this diagnosis came to light, I have learned that both my mother and my aunt have been on Paxil and Zoloft for anxiety type disorders and that the generation of second cousins on this same side of my family has a large percentage of children with anxiety/ODD disorders. (My one cousin and I feel that some of the first cousins should/would've been medicated while we were growing up had it not been taboo to admit to these sorts of problems in our family.)
My son's defiance is not openly manifested when my husband is around (which is partly why my husband is taking a rather ostrich's-head-in-the-sand attitude). Nor is he a discipline problem at school. He reserves his defiant behavior mostly for me and his siblings.
He is on medication -- Paxil and, of late, Tileptral to help him sleep -- but his social skills are still atrocious. He cannot seem to empathize. I keep trying to point out the ways in which he is hurtful to others, but he insists he was "joking" or that his remarks are "funny" -- which they are not. Yet, he has a very "thin skin" if the joke is ever on him. He is loud, too, but doesn't notice it.
He is clinically depressed. He has no real friends. Since about mid-way through 4th grade. (He is almost through with 7th.) There are a few neighborhood kids who suffer his presence because he is gifted athletically. Same goes for soccer(football). His teammates like him well enough in small doses, and respect his ability, but he has formed no personal friendships from his participation in the sport.
I guess what scares me most is that ODD can develop into real sociopathy.
Anybody have any ideas for the types of therapy that might be most useful. Anyone have tips for the rest of the household as regards coping skills? It has been said that a household is only as happy as its least happy member, and when my son is being difficult, we are all quite miserable. The older children are avoiding bringing friends home now that one can drive, because they don't want to be embarrassed if their brother behaves badly. Family outings have been marred or cancelled penalizing all for one's bad behavior. What to do? What to do?
Thanks.
outnfree