BB, you are not alone in having those feelings, I had the same feeling of being a bit of a hypocrite for merely attending for a few months after I fully woke up.
Back then there were a significant number of Elders in my Circuit who had resigned, and just "lived in the shadows", all PIMO to some degree I would think, that was two decades ago, there must be MANY more like you today !
More quiet resignations to come, I hope !
But I feel sorry for people like your good self, it must be agony to be a PIMO in many ways. But we do it for our loved ones still in.