tornapart

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Posts by tornapart

• 
  37

  Hope my American friends won't hate me for this.. LOL

  by tornapart in

  1. social
  2. humour

  to the citizens of the united states of america from her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii.

  in light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ...notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.. .

  (you should look up 'revocation' in the oxford english dictionary.).

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  tornapart

  Actually they still do it in some areas of Scotland.... seems very strange...
• 
  37

  Hope my American friends won't hate me for this.. LOL

  by tornapart in

  1. social
  2. humour

  to the citizens of the united states of america from her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii.

  in light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ...notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.. .

  (you should look up 'revocation' in the oxford english dictionary.).

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  tornapart

  MrsJ.. it wasn't me that wrote it....... honest!

  Love you guys really...
• 
  37

  Hope my American friends won't hate me for this.. LOL

  by tornapart in

  1. social
  2. humour

  to the citizens of the united states of america from her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii.

  in light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ...notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.. .

  (you should look up 'revocation' in the oxford english dictionary.).

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  tornapart

  James... we were here before you...
• 
  37

  Hope my American friends won't hate me for this.. LOL

  by tornapart in

  1. social
  2. humour

  to the citizens of the united states of america from her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii.

  in light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ...notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.. .

  (you should look up 'revocation' in the oxford english dictionary.).

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• 

  tornapart

  This too... oh.. it's sooooo cruel... LOL
• 
  37

  Hope my American friends won't hate me for this.. LOL

  by tornapart in

  1. social
  2. humour

  to the citizens of the united states of america from her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii.

  in light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ...notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.. .

  (you should look up 'revocation' in the oxford english dictionary.).

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• 

  tornapart

  Metatron: "the gentlemen from Manchester should please refrain from putting his cranium up his posterior.."

  ROFL!!
• 
  37

  Hope my American friends won't hate me for this.. LOL

  by tornapart in

  1. social
  2. humour

  to the citizens of the united states of america from her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii.

  in light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ...notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.. .

  (you should look up 'revocation' in the oxford english dictionary.).

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• 

  tornapart

  I hate to say this guys but I'm afraid I wasn't the Smart Aleck that wrote this.... just thought whoever he was, was a genius... LOL
• 
  37

  Hope my American friends won't hate me for this.. LOL

  by tornapart in

  1. social
  2. humour

  to the citizens of the united states of america from her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii.

  in light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the usa and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ...notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.. .

  (you should look up 'revocation' in the oxford english dictionary.).

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  tornapart

  1. To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
     
     In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give ... notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
     
     (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
     
     Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
     
     Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron , will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
     
     Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
     
     To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
     
     1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
     
     2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
     
     3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
     
     4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
     
     5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
     
     
     6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
     
     7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
     
     8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
     
     9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
     
     10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
     
     11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
     
     12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside ofAmerica. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
     
     13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
     
     14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
     
     15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
     
     God Save the Queen!
     
     PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
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  68

  8/15/12 WT--Naughty Elder's Wife Teaches Students "The Deep Things of God"

  by sd-7 in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  page 28, paragraph 13:.

  "an improper romantic relationship could develop within the congregation.

  daniel and his wife, sarah, were regular pioneers.

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  tornapart

  LITS.. what I can't understand is how you managed to survive intact! I know what you mean about the lack of communication. I too never want to know what's going on, I prefer being in the dark. The trouble I found was my husband could never switch off. He was constantly worried about things. He agonises over cases he's on, tosses and turns at night, tormented and worried (he really cares about the brothers and sisters). But he can't share any of it with me. Now I find it difficult to share what I know with him, all my doubts. He's understanding but it's just something else to shake him, so now I try and keep my mouth shut. I just wish we could both just get out and disappear somewhere far away! LOL

  I honestly don't believe elder's wives actually enjoy it. Far from it, what woman wants to share her husband? Do you find it any easier now?
• 
  68

  8/15/12 WT--Naughty Elder's Wife Teaches Students "The Deep Things of God"

  by sd-7 in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  page 28, paragraph 13:.

  "an improper romantic relationship could develop within the congregation.

  daniel and his wife, sarah, were regular pioneers.

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  tornapart

  ROFL!! Billy!
• 
  28

  The Watchtower's money problem

  by stuckinamovement in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the 8/15/12 report on the annual meeting contained very interesting information.

  in october of 2011, guy pierce reported that plans were moving forward with the construction of the new headquarters complex in warwick and tuxedo.

  he mentioned that after the project was finished in 4 years then the society would then sell off the brooklyn properties.

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  tornapart

  And why are they getting involved with hedge funds in Africa?