Major blowout with husband, in my heart I feel like I can't do anything else in this situation, if I stay I will continue to compromise what my needs are as a woman & wife.. when I open my heart to him where I am coming from according to him im always complaining, he won't see things in my perspective & never will it's been this way for a while, I don't feel I have the liberty of expressing myself to him without him getting agitated, defensive & upset without him acussing me of complaining & " talking sh#t", I've felt a sense of emotional isolation & lonleness in this relationship for sometime I'm afraid it's not going to change, I'm just being drag along with it, he says he's stress & each time I'm told "I'm causing him anxiety", I'm mentally exhausted.... this is soo hard to do but I've survived worse than this... I'm going to ask him to leave the house & file for divorce
Khaleesi
JoinedPosts by Khaleesi
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heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
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Bethel Layoffs In Australia Confirmed
by jonahstourguide inyes, last week the number of bethel layoffs was confirmed from 90 to 125. .
and those going in thinking they may be there for some time have been told.
that they may be there for two months rather than 3 years depending on .
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Khaleesi
With that how can they say they are being bless by God?... they build their retirement home by free labor & now they layoff workers worldwide? Where's the blessings in that? Wonder how would elders respond when asked. ... -
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Khaleesi
Ya ay y royals!!! -
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the problem with you, apostates, is that your doubts were not genuine
by never a jw inin page 10 of the correspondence guidelines, in the section of apostasy" i found the following:.
one who has sincere doubts orquestions should be kindly aided inthe spirit of galatians.... i am forced to conclude that many of you didn't get any aid because your doubts were fake.
so according to the wt manual, your main sin may have not been doubting, but faking having doubts.
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Khaleesi
You can have doubts just as long as you come to the conclusion & answers they expect you to.... if you have legitimate doubts that exposes the WT, according to their guidelines you are not sincere but fake... it comes down to you have to agree with all their teachings regardless. .. loyalty to an org, rather than your conscious -
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Hello from an exmormon
by Cold-Dodger insomeone named john free popped in on one of my posts at exmormon[dot]com and mentioned this website.
i have a lot of questions.
i never knew much about about the jw church.
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Khaleesi
Hi, welcome I have a question, what happens to those who disagree with teachings as taught by the Mormon church? -
34
heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
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Khaleesi
Witness my fury: no he doesn't look at porn, he would be honest with me about that, I asked and I even said "if you do it's okay I understand but just be honest with me" he says no and I believe him, he says he has no interest in watching porn I even suggested ( just to see what he says) and again an adamant no. You are right about tolerating it I wouldn't, i caught my 1st husband with it and i was furious, but with this situation I was willing to try anything... He doesn't masturbate, I suggested that too after a DR. told him too, he says he "I just don't have the interest of doing that, it does nothing to me" ... He was taking the brown & Blue pill and I think he has gotten used to the fact "I don't have any pills it won't work, I know my body"... He did have a great drive when we first started going out for the 2 years when I decided to come back from being DF, we stopped because of you know the fornication thing, he admitted to me recently that it changed on his part because we stopped and this is were I think the Aspies thing is, Aspies love routine you take them out of that routine it's distress for them and then the routine of nothing for 2 years until we got married, but he agreed to it at that time to wait to make it special I can pick up my drive like nothing. He had a great drive not sure where did it go.....Can you explain what you mean I didn't get this part: Maybe your gaydar doesnt work? You missed the aspergers after all. (sorry)
dubstepped: I naturally always had a good drive 3-4 is low average for me, my ex hubs and I never had an issue it was constantly, at least once a day, our drives matched... No I don't have a whole to fill in, intimacy whether in the bedroom, outside, like holding hands, kissing, hugging, affection are all essential to my being, I am a natural lovable person and intimacy/sex is like the icing of the cake for me, some people love to receive gifts and being given lots of words of affirmation of how great they are, tooo me all physical touch is very important for me. I love closeness, I love fulfilling my partner in every aspect and I am very selfless, even when I am tired and sleepy if he would to wake me up or come on to me I would give in to him because I want to share that closeness with him, it's not just sex, its intimacy of the it would keeps me watered in love, hard to explain... telling him no even if I am very tired is like I am punishing myself too because I want that closeness and will find the will power to share it with him, I guess I am just very selfless in that area, I never say no and I never reject him because I know the times he's done that to me it feels awful. I went to the doctor myself and he says its normal and many men will kill to have their wife's interested in sex/intimacy....He is open to go see a professional to help with his anxiety... I guess I don't want 5 years from now being in this same situation and wasted 5 years, scares are being rooted in me and I don't want it to get to a point were I start having security issues.
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heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
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Khaleesi
How come I didn't see it for 4-5 years? Not sure I had to ask that question myself, we didn't live together and many times when I would confront him about his behavior his responses was "I don't express myself a lot, I have a difficulty expressing emotions", many times he will say hurtful things and then come back and apologize, then he said he had his guard up because he was afraid I would break up with him, so I think I confused normal relationship problems with the lack of social, empathy, and emotional bonding.... I went on a tropical trip with a good friend of mine 3 years ago, female friend, and he was very upset but at that point I was prepared to break everything off because of the lack of emotional connection/bonding. I went on my trip had fun and I didn't call him or even considered contacting him during and after my trip... after my trip i was ready to be moving on with my life and carry on... He was the one who contacted me and said he really loves me and can't imagine his life with out me he doesn't want to be with no other woman, so I cave in, he drew me back in.... I think the reason why he can't find a job is because once he is interview they notice something off and I think him having Aspergers makes things worse for him to find a stable job.
LisaRose: yes he knows exactly how important it is and i would think for him tooo, its our 1st year...but with aspies it seems they can't grasp the importance of many meaningful events or situations, in their mind they don't see It that special or don't see the purpose of it . They don't discuss feeling because in their mind "you should know how I feel about you, I wouldn't be with you if I didn't feel anything" ...I wanted to do something special at the date of our marriage just leading up to the first year, like 6 months, and he said "why do people do that'? I said "I want to do that, its important to me" and he says "oh, but shouldn't we just wait until the year"? I give up. He didn't get the part "its important to me"... frustrating explaining everything step by step.... When I do tell him about somethings that bother me he tends to forget, many times I feel he is molding our relationship to his way only. When I tell him what I like in the bedroom or something he says I am complaining so I asked him okay what is the difference of complaining and saying things without complaining and still conveying what I like, to tell me so I can do it right so it doesn't come across like complaining. He replies "oh I guess there isn't" so I continued to express to him what's important to me and he was quick to tell me "there you go again complaining" I asked tell me the difference give me examples, he didn't say anything just to stop complaining, after which I just gave up.
JWDuaghter: Yes it's knifes in your body each time, it kills me and very rejected I feel... it's hard to understand how can a man just reject you like that but to them it's not rejection... there was this friend of mine, who i never said anything too about my problems, threw himself at me, he knows I am married and i was shocked by his advances, I stood my ground and cut ties with him.... You get men coming at you and the you have at home doesn't even realize the threat they put you in. Of course I rather terminate any relationship before I even dare to do anything.... Exactly that is what crosses my mind, is he over me, is he bored, does he even think of me in a sexual way... I work out so appearance is not an issue...
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34
heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
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Khaleesi
Kairos: He is very intelligent so I believe he is High functioning, his IQ is high.... It is the emotional empathy and his attention span can't concentrate even in the bedroom it has affected, not sure if Aspergers people have bedroom problems.... In public he gets overwhelm with sooo many people and shutsdown, i don't know what is the big deal but apparently for him it is.... even our communication skills are lacking because he doesn't understand why i feel a certain way about things and says things with no tact.... He buries his mind in reading, reading reading.... One great thing he doesn't do is flirt or he isn't a dog in heat if he sees a half naked woman in TV, movies or commercial.... it's frustrating, when talking to him i have to stick with one subject that happen at that moment, can't bring other subjects in to conversation... -
34
heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
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Khaleesi
Simon:Yes i think i have put alot of pressure in that but he is in his mid 30s tooo young to be having problems, we are celebrating our anniversary soon so i hope he does have something plan or else i would be disapointed. Not sure why at mid 30s a man would be having issues, i am a woman so i don't know how that works in men...
JWDaughter: Yes he is willing to talk to a doctor and has, Dr. says it might be anxiety or depression, the great thing he is open to it.... I live a very private life and don't like to talk to family about these things, they tend to take sides.... Did talk to his mom and his mom love me and she gives the right to where it belongs and did tell him it was wrong of him to not be fullfilling in bedroom as God mandates, she is not a JW, I am the only one in my family... I have talked to him many times but he avoids that "talk" he doesn't want to go there, i think its man thing because he changes the conversation or just stays quiet doesn't say anything......its a problem with us i didn't get married to not be intimate 3-4 times a week at a minimum I mean it's like water, survival here, its been dewindling to 2-4 times a month!!! In the begining of the relationship it was great, until 2 years after we decided to wait until we were married, i think this is where the harm was, got to complacent.... not sure what to do, each time i bring it up that this has to change he gets fustrated and upset at me.... trying so hard not to have thoughts that i am not suppose to.... lack of intimacy can drive me to loose that bond with him and worse yet my feelings start fadding for him... trying sooo hard for that not to happen but he doesn't get it, how crucial it is, its a mater of a divorce for me.....
Crazy guy: I do seduce him and come on to him but he doesn't respond because he says he is shutdown, sooo devasting i feel rejected!!!
LisaRose: yes exactly that it's frustrating trying to spell out things and with specifics, that is why i fear he has Aspergers syndrome..... No children, that is out of the question, i read some woman who had children with their Aspies partners and all had something in common "be prepared to not get alot of help from him", so I already thought about that long and hard and no children, which i am okay with that, he is the one that mentions children but not going to risk a baby coming with the same issue... I even read a specialist that said be prepared to raise the child on your own, don't expect much from the Aspergers parent....You hid it right at the mark it's the social communication ques they don't grasp or get...
It's very difficult and i am on a breaking point, I guess if he doesn't give much thought into our anniversary that is my sign...
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heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
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Khaleesi
I don't know what to do.... I married last year and things have been very rocky. We dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a JW, but I am. Yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a JW ended in divorce for physical abuse, I was glad I didn't married another JW. I discovered TTAT this year and it was hard but glad i know the truth about the WT..... My husband struggles with finding a job and in the bedroom, not sure if its anxiety, sleep apnea, etc...
Since i felt something was just not right about how he responded to things in our relationship when it came to emotional things or social places we discovered during the honeymoon that he might suffer from Asperger Syndrome. I read alot of information on it and was crushed more than TTATT... Intimacy in the bedroom is like water for me, its a matter of survival and i view that the same way when it comes to the bedroom... I am soo depressed and just can't fathom the idea of another failed marriage but don't care if that is what i need to do if need be....The possibility of him having Asperger is a major concern for me because it's affecting our relationship to the core plus with the bedroom issue i cannot imagine my life being like this for years to come..... I don't know what to do.... does anyone have any advice or known of marriages with one of the partners having Aspergers Syndrome?