Posts by Esmeralda001

51

Rivalry among the sisters

by Esmeralda001 in

when i was first introduced to the "truth", i was so distracted by the love and affection that the members were showing me that i was ready to convert into the religion without thinking twice.

i was conviced that jws were god's people (i still think some of them are).

i made it my goal to get baptized as i wanted to be part of the "only" religion that produce such good people.

I understand what you are saying. Don't think that I don't realize how much harm i'm doing to myself by sticking around. I'm trying to rationalize my fascination. I've been affiliated with the JWs for two years. This might not look like much to you, but it was enough time for me to fall in love with the JWs philosophy . As miserable as I feel, a part of me just refuses to let go. Telling an indoctrinated person to leave a cult is like telling an broken woman to end an abusive relationship. It seems simple and logical. But logic and rationality are the two things that i'm lacking at this point of my life. I don't need to examine the situation any longer. It appears very clear to me: I was looking for God in the wrong place. I will move on! gradually... For now i'm grieving the loss. I'm in a phase of disillusion. I don't feel the energy to attend the meetings anymore. The pain is so great that all I want to do is to copulate. So now not only do I have to accept the truth as it is, I have to fight my sinful tendencies (thank God I don't have a lover, because that would be the cherry on top.) I doubt i'm in an healthy state of mind at this moment. I don't want to deal with this situation. For this reason i'll keep postponing it. When i'm ready, i'll call my study conductor to end my bible study. Satan is misleading human kind. I can't wait for the day where everything will fall into place. Until then, let's pray for the best while expecting the worst.

Happy new year y'all . Best wishes! xox

Gros bisou!

51

Rivalry among the sisters

by Esmeralda001 in

when i was first introduced to the "truth", i was so distracted by the love and affection that the members were showing me that i was ready to convert into the religion without thinking twice.

i was conviced that jws were god's people (i still think some of them are).

i made it my goal to get baptized as i wanted to be part of the "only" religion that produce such good people.

Esmeralda001

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts !

@katewild, is it ok for you if I ask you a few questions concerning your career? I don't want you to feel unconfortable.

@whom ever said that JWs women don't have much going on in their lives: I think it's quite the contrary. They are busy people with busy schedules. Why would a special pioneer wast her precious time gossiping instead of taking care of "spiritual" matters?

@Diogenesister

I do agree with you. The sisters dress up as though they were going to attend a fashion show (which In my opinion is a good thing). It is more noticeable during the special week or during the annual convention. On normal days, most of them dress plainly except for the elderettes and her four daughters. They always look nice and glamorous. You can tell that they put a lot if work in their makeup and nail polish. one day I came to the meeting with a little bit of make up (nothing too dramatic, just mascara and blush) and my hair down (I usually pin my hair for a more professional look). They seemed bothered.

sometimes I wish my friend was still in. I would have someone to talk to before and after the meetings. It doesn't bother me not to fit in any cliques as I'm a looner by nature. I can cope with solitude. What bothers me, though, is that the bratz who actively try to exclude me might think that their sneaky ways make me miserable. This could be the case if my life revolved around the organization... My friend switched congregation for this very issue. I went to the Spanish congregation several times to visite her, I never saw her. The last time I saw her was a year ago. She confessed to me that she was dating a "wordly" men. I hope she didn't get disfellowshipped for that. I hope she is enjoying life!

51

Rivalry among the sisters

by Esmeralda001 in

when i was first introduced to the "truth", i was so distracted by the love and affection that the members were showing me that i was ready to convert into the religion without thinking twice.

i was conviced that jws were god's people (i still think some of them are).

i made it my goal to get baptized as i wanted to be part of the "only" religion that produce such good people.

Esmeralda001

When I was first introduced to the "truth", I was so distracted by the love and affection that the members were showing me that I was ready to convert into the religion without thinking twice. I was conviced that JWs were God's people (I still think some of them are). I made it my goal to get baptized as I wanted to be part of the "only" religion that produce such good people. I was ready to drink the kool-aid, but then I left... Eventually I returned only to find out that it was just a facade. The members for the most part no longer feel the need to do the whole love bombing thing they normally do with potential new "recruits". Now that their love has faded, I get to see the organization real colours. Each meething/social gathering I attend gives me the opportunity to reinforce my observations.

One thing I have noticed for quite a while now is the atmosphere of competition in the KH . It is particularly palpable among the sisters. Now some people will argue that is in women nature to be competitive. I agree with you to a certain extent. As an ex ballet dancer, I've experienced feminine rivalry, but never as ferrous and "unhealthy" as in the KH. I don't even think the sisters realize how malicious and hostile and they are towards each other . It is easy for me to see it because I'm being treated like an outsider.

I get weird looks because of my micheal kors boots and watch. (Those are the early gifts that I received from my godfather. I didn't buy them). I also own a collection of High heels and purses which I like to match with different outfits. Next thing you know, sister x will send me subliminal messages through her comments stating that wearing brands is a form of immodesty. Ok... One time I overheard two sisters bashing another sister (who wasn't around of course) because her husband has bought a very expensive mattress. Basically they were accusing the couple of being superficial for not using their resource for the worldwide work. Don't ask me how did these two women get such an information.

The sisters will ignore you while keeping an close eye on you (how ironic). One time I had a sister, who has been ignoring me for months now, literally following me as I was walking through the hall, going from a group of people to another, greeting everybody. she would interropt me, greet the person I was talking to, look at me right in the eyes, and then leave. I think she just wanted to make sure that I knew she was ignoring me. But then again, if i'm unimportant in her eyes, why even bother? A Sister will criticize another sister who wear beautiful clothes and makeup. It feels like high school. What's up with this?

14

When you were in

by Esmeralda001 in

coucou,.

i hope you are well?!

i have a few questions that i'd like to adress (if you don't mind of course).

Esmeralda001

thank you very much @longhairgal!!!!! Although i'm not baptised, I sort of can relate. Your experience will be mine if I don't run away.

take care. Bisous, bisous.

14

When you were in

by Esmeralda001 in

coucou,.

i hope you are well?!

i have a few questions that i'd like to adress (if you don't mind of course).

Esmeralda001

Thanks you for your replies, guys

@ondtoejoe & @stuckinarut

you confirm what is now visible to the my newly open eyes: people who contemplate the idea of converting have some kind of limitation or are challanged by life. Converting into this religion is not the result of an healthy ego. Something must be wrong with me. I'll figure it out.

Enjoy your winter break, guys.

14

When you were in

by Esmeralda001 in

coucou,.

i hope you are well?!

i have a few questions that i'd like to adress (if you don't mind of course).

Esmeralda001

Coucou,

I hope you are well?! I have a few questions that I'd like to adress (if you don't mind of course)

A.For the converts/ex-converts (more specifically those of you who have no family members in the organization):

1.What brought you in the Organization( were you a broken soul, were you looking for a higher purpose, were you curious? Did you receive a call from God? ...

2.What made you start questioning the organization (the social cliques? The members patronizing attitude? The gossip? Some false prophecies you came across? The internet?...)

3.When you got baptized, did the "friends" try to isolate you from your loved ones?

4.When you left, Did you have some friends/family that you could return to? Was it hard for you?

B.For the born-in's/raised-in1.has the idea of you leaving the org and becoming what the "friends" refer to as apostates ever crossed your mind?

2.when you saw wordly people getting converted, was it for you some kind of reassurance that you were in the right path or did you think they were crazy?

3.were you strong in your faith or were you looking for the next opportunity to leave the organization.

4.what type of jw were you(the zealous type? The Spiritually-weak type? The Moderate type?the Potential fader? The holier than tough type? The humble & well-meaning type?...)
thank you in advance!

55

"High" education

by Esmeralda001 in

did any of you guys disregard the wt recommendations and pursue a career.

if you answer "yes": was your journey easy?

are you happy with the end result?

Esmeralda001

I'll pursue this goal regardless. I'm not afraid of the consequences, for I'm already an outcast to their eyes. 🤓

55

"High" education

by Esmeralda001 in

did any of you guys disregard the wt recommendations and pursue a career.

if you answer "yes": was your journey easy?

are you happy with the end result?

Esmeralda001

Thank you for you answer londo

Ideally i'd want to complete a fellowship in dermatology (is that how we say it in english?) I know it is highy discouraged, but I don't care :-). Apart from being labled as spiritually weak, what would be the consequences for pursuing such goals?

56

Privacy

by Esmeralda001 in

i need some advice guys.

how do you get people to mind their own buiseness without coming off as rude?.

i was invited to a jw gathering last night.

Esmeralda001

i'm so paranoide!

56

Privacy

by Esmeralda001 in

i need some advice guys.

how do you get people to mind their own buiseness without coming off as rude?.

i was invited to a jw gathering last night.

Esmeralda001

@Londo

I read your thread carefully, and it has left me speechless and even more paranoids than I already was.

that's way too much pressure for me to handle righy now. I don't have any other choice, but to stop attending meetings for a while. the mental toture i've put myself through this past few weeks is completely unnecessary. IT IS NOT WORTH IT! This situation is getting out of control. I cannot afford to loose my rationnality over this matter. I still need to study for my finals... For now that's what matters the most to me: taking care of my finals. I'll handle this situation when i'm in vacation.

what a mess, guys! Anyways thanks y'all!