Posts by pale.emperor

10

A Short Life Story - Part 3

by pale.emperor in

continuation from part 2 (which is here: https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5769422536966144/short-life-story-part-2).

so im 25, married, and my life seems to have ended when it should be in it's prime.

i have only two non jw friends.

pale.emperor

A young married couple...no sex for 6 years ? That should tell you all you need to know.

It wernt for want of trying tho mate!

10

A Short Life Story - Part 3

by pale.emperor in

continuation from part 2 (which is here: https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5769422536966144/short-life-story-part-2).

so im 25, married, and my life seems to have ended when it should be in it's prime.

i have only two non jw friends.

pale.emperor

Continuation from Part 2 (which is here: https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5769422536966144/short-life-story-part-2)

So im 25, married, and my life seems to have ended when it should be in it's prime. I have only two non JW friends. I've known them for years from my old workplace. Apart from them i have no friends. Because im not single im not included in the parties, BBQs or "get-togethers" that Watchtower likes to boast about in their magazines. Which is really frustrating because by now i'd become the exact opposite of the shy boy i was 10 years ago. My worldly friend is a standup comedian and through him i got into comedy writing and two stints at standup myself. With worldly people i have no problem making connections, making friends and im genuinely interested in other people. So when i go back to the KH im terribly unfulfilled because i dont get to be my real self. Any attempt of speaking to people my own age in KH fails because either i have to watch what i say, or the brothers my age are all after the same girl. Their behavior is almost comical. There's an attractive sister who's been single for about 2 years. ALL of the young JW boys are around her likes flies and not one of them will ask her out. This has been going on for months. All they do is talk to her. So im thinking "escalate boys, escalate". It's so mind-numbingly obvious (to me at least) that she's just waiting for someone to make the first move. But whatever, im not in that scene anymore. The funny thing is, i used to be mates with her brother years ago. We went to a strip club together before i was baptized.

By age 28 the UK has an election and the Conservative Party is voted in. This always means a big shake up. At the time i worked in a government job, and the first thing they did was make massive cuts. Unfortunately, I was one of those thousand to be cut. So there i was unemployed and at home a lot. This resulted in my wife getting used to me being at home and relying on me even more than she already was. It was like being a personal therapist, AND the elders kept asking why i wasnt using all this time on the ministry. The fact that i was using this time looking for work escaped them. By some miracle we actually conceived and scans confirmed we had a baby on the way.

My wife worked part time in a place ran by JWs. About 3 months later she gets all excited telling me she's been offered overtime at work and she's looking forward to doing it for some reason. So off she goes. Her dad drops her off outside her work while im at home watching Game Of Thrones or some other non JW approved programme. I noticed that this evening i hadnt recieved any text messages from her, which is unusual for her. So i text her. She replies unusually upbeat. I shrug it off.

The next day she comes home and is acting strange. She doesnt want to eat or drink and goes straight to bed. I'd offered to look after a friends kids that morning so i leave the house and go to my friends house. So it's just me and some kids playing and painting etc. I get a call. It's my wife. I answer it and she's on the verge of tears, she tells me she's done something terrible. She beats around the bush and wont get to the point, she tells me that once she tells me what it is i'll leave her. I think of the worst thing she could possibly do: an abortion?

No. It turns out she wasn't at work at all last night. She was in a hotel room with an elder from another congregation. This guy is older than her dad. One of those "cheeky" elders that treats the platform like a place to be "funny". So they spent the night together. This hit me like a ton of bricks. The strange thing was, i was more confused than angry. Confused because apart from when we conceived we hadn't had sex in 6 years. Because she didn't want to. And this old guy gets it? Fuck that shit. So yeah i hit the roof, but not for the same reason most husbands would be. For me it really woke me up that i was the empathetic one, the caring one, the patient one and for what? - being nice did me no good all these years.

Without going into more detail here, i didnt want to leave her because she was carrying my child and i didnt want to share a baby every second weekend or some crap like that. So i forgive her. The elder that had sex with her warns her that if she goes to the elders he'll ruin her life. She does anyway. They disfellowship her despite the fact that she was repentant, despite the fact that she told them the next day and despite the fact that the Watchtower magazine says people are only DF'd for "unrepentant wrongdoing". The elders in the JC said it was to make an example.

The elder she had sex with was DF'd too. I swore then that if i see him i'll do him in. And i still will.

So my wife being a good JW had no non JW friends. So she went through a full term pregnancy and birth 100% alone. No visitors, no one around while i was at work. I'd come home from work most nights and the lights would be off in the house, she'd just been sat there all day on her own depressed.

But through the pregnancy we both agreed that our child should be the focus of both of our lives. Religion or no religion. So we made a deal that if a blood transfusion was needed during the birth or after then i would say yes and i'll get DF'd. I can cope with no family and i can always make friends.

When my daughter was born i held her for the first time and recognized that i loved someone more than myself, more than God himself. In fact, i would happily give up any hope of eternal life on earth to spend just one day with her. I stopped believing a number of Watchtower teachings. Especially blood. I didn't believe elders were chosen by holy spirit, i didn't believe the GB were anointed or being used at all. I didnt believe 144,000 was a literal number and i started to question whether i should be serving God directly without an organization.

My wife had a bad time in the hospital. With her OCD and anxiety being so severe they kept her in for about 6 weeks. So i had my daughter from newborn on my own. And i loved it. By the time my wife came out of hospital i was set up in a routine and everything. (the house was a mess, but apart from that....). The sisters offered to babysit but i didnt need them to. One sister even offered to breastfeed!! I declined. (That sister was in her 50s and her youngest child was the same age as me. So i dont know what fun and games her and her husband were getting up to to keep the milk flowing.)

My door to door ministry had all but stopped. I didnt enjoy it anyway and i didnt see any reason why we should be reporting hours to the org. Elders would arrange to work with me, which i would do but then they wernt prepared for my theological debates during the walk and talk. This is where my bible knowledge from a young age helped me. I quickly realized that i knew more than these "spiritually qualified" men did about our own religion and about religion in general. I wasnt afraid of speaking my mind because i could back up what i said with scripture or Watchtower quotes. I was encourage to reach out and become a ministerial servant and that "you'd be a fine elder" as if that was something to aspire to. The LAST thing i wanted to be was an elder. Especially in this religion. If i could have left back then with no sanctions i would have.

Then... I stumbled upon Lloyd Evans YouTube channel. My exit would come quicker than i thought.

TO BE CONTINUED

14

Pale Emperor Seems To Have Developed A Fetish

by pale.emperor in

dont worry, this is safe for work... :).

remember when we were jws and we were told not to "model ourselves after the world"?

meaning no tattoos, no non-approved hairstyles, clothing to be not too tight, not too short etc etc etc?

pale.emperor

Saying "cheers" and/or clinking glasses - because, apparently this was drinking to the gods/the dead.

Saying "lucky" - "fortunate" was ok... even though fortune is the same thing.

Yoga - because according to Watchtower a demon would pop into your head.

Hypnosis - same reason as above. And Watchtower foolishly printed that the hypnotist has "control of your mind" which is totally not the case.

2nd hand items - because, apparently, demons like to live in vases and 2nd hand trousers.

7

A Short Life Story - Part 2

by pale.emperor in

jw
friends

part 1 in here: https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5961287718666240/short-life-story-part-1.

so im 19, i decided to shut up and put all my doubts about god even existing to the back of my mind and just go along with it.

im sure things will be explained eventually, all i need is to humble myself and do more in "the truth" right?.

pale.emperor

Part 1 in here: https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5961287718666240/short-life-story-part-1

So im 19, i decided to shut up and put all my doubts about God even existing to the back of my mind and just go along with it. Im sure things will be explained eventually, all i need is to humble myself and do more in "the truth" right?

Then another major milestone... my dad hasnt been well for years. He goes to the doctors one day, Dr sends him to the hospital to have tests. It turns out he has cancer. Not only does he have cancer, but he's had cancer for years and didnt know it, by now his body is riddled with cancer and he's told he has about 4 months left. Further tests show that it started in his prostate - if he'd known back at the start he could have had it removed and he'd have been fine. So im hit with this news and im immediately upset but also pissed off against Jehovah. This is a man that has given 30 plus years to "the truth", while being looked down upon by elders and their families, worked as a humble carpenter, never caused trouble, always accepted direction and criticism from elders and now he's gonna die? What would it take for Jehovah to cure him? Or even just to let him know he was sick all those years ago when it was just in his prostate? Dad deteriorates in the following weeks. He goes blind. They move him from the hospital to a hospice, i happen to be visiting him on my own that day they come to move him. At this point i didnt know he was blind, i'd bought a new suit for the convention. He feels the material and tells me he likes and its a good colour and "all the girls will be after you". Little did i know he couldnt even see it.

So he's in the hospice. A week later he goes deaf. Then he's paralyzed. Then he's just a body that attached to a machine that breathes for him. Until his heart stops they wont pronounce him dead. He goes brain dead then the next day he dies. In a way it was a relief because i knew he wasn't suffering. Through all of this i think of Jesus curing people, raising the dead. What would it have been such a small thing for God to step in?

Guess how many JWs visited? None. Only our family.

So after my dad died i was the one who looked after the family. My brothers were hardly reliable or "worldly wise". So whenever there was a problem the family would come to me and i'd get them out of it. Money trouble? See me. Emotional problems? See me. My sisters ex-boyfriend is stalking her? See me. I got so used to not relying on anyone and being the one people rely on that i never did snap out of it. Even now, today, i do not know how to rely on other people emotionally.

So like most JWs, the idea of seeing my dad again became the reason to stay a witness. It was a powerful motivator. I started dating a 16yo girl when i was 21yo. Which, looking back sounds worse than it is, she was wayyyyyy more mature than i was. In fact, she was quite bossy. Her dad was an elder but also believed he was anointed. I didnt buy it, but i didnt say anything. Sometimes he thought he was, and sometimes he thought he wasnt so every so often he wouldnt partake of the break and wine. I was with this girl for 3 years. Looking back i cant beleive i lasted that long. A 3 year relationship without sex? Damn.

So we eventually split up and i end up with another girl. Her dad is also an elder. This family is way more fun. However... they are THE CENTER of the cliques in the KH. This is the family everyone wants to be friends with. So i was popular throughout the courtship. Now, my mum always had a high opinion of elders and their families (she still does). Being chosen personally by Jehovah via holy spirit just made them better than the rest of us. But it wasnt long before i noticed some uncomfortable things. Sitting around the dinner table with other elders families and their wives and kids, they'd talk openly about judicial committees and what was said and who was there. Their wives would chirp in and give their opinions too and make sly comments. One particular case will never leave my mind, in that a brother confessed to the elders that he had a problem with pornography and visited a strip club. The elders told their wives, the wives all thought it was disgusting and were talking shit about this brother and making jokes. The elders laughed and my girlfriends dad said these exact words "we knew he was repentant, but we disfellowshipped him anyway" and they all laughed. The brother never did come back into "the truth" and his family still shun him.

So fast-forward, i marry this girl and the next few years are hell...

She has OCD. During the courtship she'd managed to hide it quite well. I knew she was very tidy and neat but never to the extent that i would discover. She has to know how much money is in the bank, she cleans the house from top to bottom at least 3 times a day. The house constantly stinks of bleach. Im supposed to eat over the sink so as not to make crumbs etc It gets worse as the marriage goes on. She's sectioned 3 times, attempts suicide 4 times, and if we have an argument and she doesn't get her own way she punches herself in the face or stomach. So people start to think im hitting her. We'd wanted kids from day one, unfortunately we'd suffer two miscarriages. Due in part to the fact that she's severely underweight because she hardly ever eats. Eating causes crumbs and dishes to wash, so it's easier in her mind to just not eat. Eventually im married to what looks like a holocaust survivor. All my efforts to help, to get her to therapy etc fail. The change needs to come from her, and she doesnt want to change.

During all of this she has an annoying habit of telling her parents everything. And i mean everything. What i earn, when we have sex, what we watch on TV, what music is on my iPod, what books i read, where i go, what i do, who i speak to, what time i come home etc etc. I've had more elders visits over silly things than i can remember. So as you can imagine it really gets on your nerves. So we grow distant. She stops becoming physical. No hand holding, no kissing, no hugging. Nothing. We're basically two people sharing a house. I give up trying to be intimate because she constandly pushes me away. At the time i was still in love with her and still attracted to her so that was hard. So eventually i just gave up. We'll be one of those couples that dont have sex.

I was 25.

TO BE CONTINUED

2

The Time To Be Happy Is NOW!

by pale.emperor in

a video that i wish i'd seen before i was baptized.

i think you'll all get something out of this:.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvz0mmf6nw4.

pale.emperor

A video that i wish i'd seen before i was baptized. I think you'll all get something out of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvz0mmF6NW4

8

Terrorist Attack in Paris

by cofty in

a car has struck a group of soldiers in paris, injuring six, two seriously, police say.. a large and urgent police operation is now under way to find the vehicle and driver involved in the incident in the north-western suburb of levallois-perret.. the local mayor, patrick balkany, said he had "no doubt" that it was a deliberate act.....

pale.emperor

Religion of peace strikes again!

Paris does seem to be getting a lot more than the rest of Europe.

14

Pale Emperor Seems To Have Developed A Fetish

by pale.emperor in

dont worry, this is safe for work... :).

remember when we were jws and we were told not to "model ourselves after the world"?

meaning no tattoos, no non-approved hairstyles, clothing to be not too tight, not too short etc etc etc?

pale.emperor

Educated women in power careers is what I'm attracted to. The more intellectual the better. The more independent the better.

I know what you mean. My last girlfriend was an Oxford graduate, Politics teacher and a feminist. She wouldnt last 2 seconds in a Kingdom Hall.

14

Pale Emperor Seems To Have Developed A Fetish

by pale.emperor in

dont worry, this is safe for work... :).

remember when we were jws and we were told not to "model ourselves after the world"?

meaning no tattoos, no non-approved hairstyles, clothing to be not too tight, not too short etc etc etc?

pale.emperor

Dont worry, this is safe for work... :)

Remember when we were JWs and we were told not to "model ourselves after the world"? Meaning no tattoos, no non-approved hairstyles, clothing to be not too tight, not too short etc etc etc? Lately i've found myself being drawn to exactly the type of people the JWs would look down upon.

Last week in my art class, i just had to speak to that girl with a shaved head and avant garde sytle.

A day later i took out a girl with a lip ring, one side on her head shaved (you know this trend?).

And today i struck up conversation with a girl with blue hair, tongue pierced and a full sleeve of manga tattoos.

Has anyone else noticed they're drawn to the exact opposite of JW standards since leaving?

No more JW girls for pale.emperor i can tell you!

33

So how did JF Rutherford function...?

by HowTheBibleWasCreated in

every picture i have seen at him at beth shirim and other private places are with a bottle of alcohol.. while for me personally i couldn't care less anymore.... for jw's this is low moral character.

so i'm an going to guess he was a functioning alcoholic... how did that work with his closest workers?

was he gay too?

pale.emperor

What i do know from Crises of Conscience, this forum and JW Survey is:

He would, at times, give talks in large conventions while drunk.

He had a much younger female "nutritionist" travel with him everywhere even when he was still married.

He tried to curry favor with Adolf Hitler and even claimed, in writing, that "...the Bible Researchers of Germany are fighting for the very same high ethical goals and ideals which also the national government of the German Reich proclaimed..." - (READ THE LETTER HERE: https://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/hitler-nazi.php)

When the prophets didnt arrive in 1925 he just moved himself in Beth Sarim. I mean, it'd be a shame to waste a mansion built on the donations of your followers wouldn't it?

He wrote lots of books on his own and even printed his name inside to show it was him who written it. No governing body back then. No writing committee involved in his writing.

He measured how many feet it was from his office desk to the printing presses over the road and somehow believed it fulfilled a prophesy in the book of Daniel.

12

Brother & Sisters, Aunts and Uncles.....husband and wife

by menrov in

was just thinking about the practice in wt (and i believe some other religions as well) to call your fellow female (baptized) jw a sister, a brother if it is a man.

children call older people aunt or uncle.

so, at home, i can call my wife by her first name etc.

pale.emperor

Err.... not sure I agree it's strange in the U.K. Pale... As a child we always called adult witnesses aunt and uncle. Men are brothers and women are sisters. A married brother would called his wife sister in circumstances like calling on her for an answer.
In conversation in the hall for example we would not use formal terms. Is that what you mean?

Sorry, i mean in normal conversation. From the platform, sure, they say "brother" or "sister" even when calling on their own family. But in conversation with eachother i've never known anyone to say "brother" or "sister" so-and-so. Even though in the JW videos they seem to do this.