Posts by pettygrudger

Yeah I think they really encourage it. I was given the name Rebekah Sue and I am not a big fan. I wasn't teased too much about my name but it is impossible to find personalized pens, paper, shirts, etc without having them made especially for me.
--- Bekah (Who gave her sons fairly normal names: Derek and Duncan)

hee hee - I gave you your name silly. Mom let me.......and you weren't named so much after a biblical character, but after my best friend - a wonderful human being herself (much as you turned out to be).

Good to see you here sis.

15

When It Snows, It's an Avalanche!

by outnfree in

as if i wasn't already completely stressed out about my daughter's upcoming brain surgery, not to mention being executrix of my mother's estate (and she left a lot of debt), i just learned the day before yesterday that my father-in-law has colon cancer, and now today.... today i learned that my 35 year old nephew, my deceased sister's only living son, is suffering from congestive heart failure.

the cardiologists have told him he only has 10% function left.

they cannot even perform a catheterization to see whether or where arteries are blocked or valves are diseased.

pettygrudger

"Let Go and Let God" ((Brenda))

As a wise friend of ours would say - there's a lesson to be learned

117

Vigil for my daughter, please.

by outnfree in

as mentioned in my other thread, my daughter lena is having brainsurgery on monday, jan 24. the surgery will last 6-7 hours, so i'm hoping the board members will be willing to make a special effort tomorrow to send positive thoughts, healing energy, good wishes and prayers her way.

we are asking that the surgeon's hands be delicate and skillful and that lena does not bleed overmuch and that brain damage be minimal (if not non-existant).

surgery begins at 8 am eastern standard time (us), but we have to have her to the hospital by 6 am, so this is "good night!

pettygrudger

Update: Lena is out of surgery and doing well. The surgery went very well, and all looks good. Brenda is staying overnight at the hospital with her, but I am sure will update everyone with details tomorrow!

128

My daughter has a brain tumor :(

by outnfree in

i am so terrified!.

#2 daughter came home from college on 12/18 with a violent headache, nausea, neck pain and great fatigue.

we took her to the dr. on the 20 and again on the 21st as she had kept nothing down for 3 days.

pettygrudger

(((Brenda)))

You know I'm here - love you.

16

Relationship guru's needed

by Imnostranger in

hello folks.

i'm not really a newbie - you guys know me by another name.

i used another screen name for purposes of anonymity.

pettygrudger

The only real problem in the relationship is that I don't feel a sexual connection and we rarely have sex. When we do - it's not very satisfying to me - but I do love her and want her to be happy - so I do my best in that area. I just don't feel sexual about her - although I do find her quite attractive - which is so confusing to me.

This seems more than a lull to me. Which is why I feel if you really care about this girl, it is unfair to her to keep her for yourself when there are men out there that she could be with who truly wanted her - in every way.

And you also deserve the same. There is no guilt here - you are not at fault. As much as one can't make themselves *love* another person, one cannot force themselves to feel sexual desire either.

16

Relationship guru's needed

by Imnostranger in

hello folks.

i'm not really a newbie - you guys know me by another name.

i used another screen name for purposes of anonymity.

pettygrudger

If you have been with this girl for 2 years, and have never been sexually attracted to her, you need to think seriously about breaking this relationship off, before it gets to marriage & children.

Honesty is paramount here.

She deserves to be with someone who is sexually attracted to her and wants to make love to her, along with all the other wonderful things in a relationship. You also deserve the same.

It will not be fair in the long run, to either one of you, to just *deal* with the lack of sexual attraction. It may seem *small* now - but I highly doubt you could live with the lack of sexual attraction forever. It WILL lead to other problems down the road, and God forbid there be children involved at that point in time that will have to go through a divorce.

37

Obligations to Friends

by StinkyPantz in

jw
friends

are there any?

to restate: when is comes to being friends with someone, are you "obligated" to do certain things?

pettygrudger

I have had so many lopsided friendships lately that I am very timid about pursuing any more or even maintaining the ones I have. That sounds awful I know, but I have some responsibility in safeguarding my heart, do I not?

Nope - that's not awful. To be honest, I've been dealing with the same thing myself with a couple of individuals I call *friend*. The relationships started out as a positive one, mutual, but as time progresses, it appeared that I was not really *liked* persee, but was able to fill a role for another person. I've always had a tendency to *fall* to fast in love - be it with my choice of partner, or my friends. Friendship, in a perfect world, shouldn't be rushed into any more quickly than when choosing a partner - it takes time to let the relationship grow & develop. And just like a choice of a partner (who should really just be your BEST friend w/some sex thrown in) - if the relationship is unhealthy, it should be let go. But, with the whole *instantaneous* thing thrown in, the emotions have already become entangled & it's hard to see the friendship for what it is. And once the eyes have opened, it hurts.

I read somewhere (can't remember the book) that we as adults try to reconstruct old unhealthy relationships in our choice of mates/friends - sub-consciously trying to now make that relationship work out the way we wanted it to in with the original relationship - the original "hurt". As time progresses, and sub-consciously we find that we CAN'T do it, we feel the same type of pain, anger, frustration & at times betrayal.

I *think* (not quite there yet myself) that I chose these friends out of a life long need to protect & save others. I AM a consumate "enabler" due to my own life's experiences, and quite naive about people in general. So, with these friendships, I rush in head first to "help" and protect. That's NOT a healthy relationship, for myself or the person I'm "helping".

Not that I'm there myself. Because the next time a "connection" is made with another human being, I'll go through the same process. Wisdom comes from learning - and I'm such a moron I can logically know EXACTLY what's going on & emotionally still not be able to do a damn thing about it.

120

We walked out of my mom's memorial service

by tyydyy in

jw
friends

.

my brother, my sister, myself, xena and those with us walked out when we were called aside and asked not to attend the reception after the memorial.. more details to follow....... timb

pettygrudger

(((tyyday))) (((Xena))) My sincere condolences for your loss.

I guess they made another "fine witness" to the general population with this abhorrent behavior. I'm glad you were able to have an appropriate service with those that knew & loved her the most. In that, you honored her well.

37

Obligations to Friends

by StinkyPantz in

jw
friends

are there any?

to restate: when is comes to being friends with someone, are you "obligated" to do certain things?

pettygrudger

Yes, you said that right. You speak of the difference in what we "obligate" ourselves versus to what extent a true friend would feel we are obligated to them.

But in the scenario I just described, isn't the friend "obligating" you by the mere phone call?

I don't see "obligation" as necessarily a bad thing. We have "obligations" to those we hold most dear to our hearts (i.e. spouses, children). For me, true friends are an extension of my family....and in such I feel that I have emotional, mental & sometimes physical obligations to them, and they to me. Just the way it should be (imho).

If it's being taken advantage of, or if it's lopsided for as long as the relationship has lasted - then that's not really a friendship....that's an unbalanced/unhealthy relationship. For which one could only dive into themselves to figure out why they are participating in it.