I tell people right away. I don't get into all the nitty gritty at once, but say something like "I was raised as one of JW's and my family are all JWs". Honestly, I've never had someone "run away". I think it's the way you present it - I don't play victim..I don't talk about how it ruined my life,etc. Think of a person who just got divorced and talks incessantly about their ex..yeah, I don't do that. It's something that was part of my life, but not anymore and I have alot of other much more interesting stuff to talk about now.
mentalclarity
JoinedPosts by mentalclarity
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9
Friendship
by Freedom rocks inhow long did you all wait before telling new friends or someone you are or were dating that you used to be a witness?
how did they react?
if you did tell them do they make jokes at you every so often about it 😊 is it best not to tell people?
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35
The Constant Mindchatter After You Leave
by pale.emperor ini've been out almost 2 years now and consider myself wide awake to watchtower propaganda and well on my way to recovery from the mental abuse we've all experienced.. one thing that just will not go is that i constantly think of jwism and watchtower and get myself all annoyed at their lies and blatant twisting of facts in their broadcasts and magazines.
it's so bad that it's the first thing i think of when i wake up, then i have these mental arguments in my head proving the jw teachings false and then getting annoyed because no jw will listen even if you tried to tell them.
i call this constant thinking and mental reasoning and mental arguing "mindchatter".
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mentalclarity
I think it takes time for those thoughts to go away - especially if they are attached to alot of anger and emotion. I know one thing that's helped me is journaling and talking about all the feelings that come up with a therapist. It just gives me space to vent and process that's really helpful. Just getting some validation from a third neutral party is good, but overall...just feeling all the stuff that comes up. It's amazing how disconnected we can become from our body and emotions and that's basically what the therapist had me do...feel every emotion physically and talking about how I felt. The intensity of the thoughts and emotions has really decreased after that so I don't feel it's robbing me from enjoying the present.
I also found it useful to limit my time on this site when I first was out because it's stirred up alot of negativity - everything was a little too fresh. Now it's fine. I wish you the best - obsessive thinking is the worst!
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I've Disassociated. It's getting announced tomorrow.
by Heathen Dan inthis is my first post to this site, im pale.emperor's brother:).
first of all, i've left being a jw in june.
since then my family have tried to convince me it's "the truth" and force me to go back even though it's my own decision.
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mentalclarity
Welcome! I'm sorry to hear your family is treating you unkind. Limit your time with them.
Stick with your brother and other people who are nice to you. You deserve nothing less - no matter what anyone tells you. You seem to have a clear grasp of things.The elders are no better than you or me. People who are non-jw's are very nice. Trust your instincts!
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What was your trigger to waking up ?
by CovertsadJW ingood afternoon , .
i wanted to ask everyone here , what was your trigger to waking up ?
i have been waking up for a long time , but in looking back it’s hard for me to look at one event and say “ ah ha “ , i think mine is like a slow leak - like a crack in a damn - and then hold on , because after that it’s just a flood of information.
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mentalclarity
My experience is very similar to Magnum's experience. It was a combination of many things. Crazy as this sounds now....I actually wondered why we went door to door witnessing when it was obviously so ineffective. If this was the most important work on earth, why weren't we putting some more effort and instead just doing this busywork?
I'd always had gnawing doubts about JW history but when we studied the Revelation and Daniel books....that was just insane - I didn't understand/believe any of it, yet I still continued because it was all I knew and it was familiar and comfortable.
But I guess what really cinched the deal was realizing that people who were non jw's were more stable mentally and emotionally and had fewer issues than those inside. I'd always been taught we were so "special" and then when talking to non JW's I realized we were actually a bunch of wackos. I came to realize this religion attracted people who were coming from a damaged place or were easily manipulated because of their lack of education and critical thinking skills. And the amount of unloving/crazy behavior in the hall. Outside the hall, that behavior made no sense. If you had good intentions and actually wanted to help someone, there were all these obstacles. Would it stumble someone? What did the literature say on the matter? What does elder so and so say about it? By the time you got the answers to all that, you didn't even want to help the person anymore.
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What do I do ?
by jdash inhey guys, this is my first time posting on here but lets get started.. so i'm a 17 year old boy who currently attends meetings at a congregation in indianapolis.
i live with my grandparents, on my father's side, because my mother died in 2010. i been attending meetings since i was 10. my mother got into the religion but then got disfellowshiped.
my dad is on and off, he currently just got reinstated.
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mentalclarity
Welcome! There's a lot of great advice on here already. I'd definitely talk to a guidance counselor at school to get info on how to get funding for college (FAFSA/work-study/scholarships/etc) It's totally doable on your own. I work at a college and part of the perks is that they paid my tuition for classes - where there is a will, there is a way!
Since you're not 18 yet, I'd sit tight and do the bare minimum...but in the meantime start gathering info on college and start creating a network of non-jw friends for support. Find possible roommates (it's expensive to pay for everything on your own). Plan your exit! Personally, I preferred to fade and I have some contact with family still which would have been impossible if I'd disassociated. .
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So, the Womens March ... What Is It For?
by Simon init seems like mobilizing after the election, which seems pointless.
i keep hearing demands for equal rights but don't understand what rights they are missing exactly.. normally a march is to show the support (and potential votes) for a cause, but ... votes for what?
... and the election happened already.. is anyone else confused?
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mentalclarity
I think the money spent in going to marches and protesting could have be better spent donating to women's shelters, daycare/after school support for single moms, international entities that provide medial care for women, etc or even just volunteering actually doing something to help women.. I honestly have no clue what the practical purpose is of standing around with a poster in your hand. If all the energy and resources could actually be channeled to help women in a practical manner instead - that would be a great thing. I get the feeling sometimes protests are a pastime for an elite class of people who actually don't deal with the issues "real" women face day to day, I'm a single mom. How does the protest help me find affordable daycare for my kids or help women in a domestic violence situation or so many other actual important issues, Instead we waste our time discussing what was the last inappropriate comment Trump said
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What Made You Decide To Finally Leave The Organization?
by minimus inwas there one certain event or was it more a cumulative thing?.
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mentalclarity
I'd always had my doubts about the JW history and how it supposedly fulfilled prophesies in the bible even as a young teen. The final straw for me was trying to explain to a coworker my beliefs on the 144,000 and how we were the only "true" religion (and everyone else was wrong) I had been so isolated in my JW bubble for so long(raising small kids and little interaction with non jw's) that once I tried to defend my faith to a rational person it made absolutely no sense. None of it. I couldn't shake the feeling that it all sounded like bullshit. Months later I would leave a meeting in the middle of a needs talk and never go back.
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My younger brother officially Disassociated today
by pale.emperor inhi guys.
just wanted to share this with you as it's kind of got me worried.
my brother who was also raised in "the truthâ„¢" met me in town today for a coffee.
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mentalclarity
The elders have told him that they'll have to inform his JW carers that they can no longer work for him.
That's not correct (as far as I know)- I'd request literature asking where that is stated. My ex husband was told by an elder he had to quit his job because he worked with a df'd person......my uber jw family told me this was wrong, I confronted said elder and since he couldn't bring in any literature to back up his claim, the ex stayed working in the same office for a while. Unless something new has come out, I'm pretty sure you can work with ex jw's (not advised of course).
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Are You An Angry Exjw At This Point In Your Life?
by minimus ini’ve been here for many years.
the tone seems to be different in this place.
not so many pissed off exjws .
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mentalclarity
I get angry at times for things that come up now in my life that have to do with the religion and how it limits my relationships with my family. But the anger passes pretty quickly.
The things I was angry about from the past got resolved with time. I just refuse to allow it to make me a bitter/angry person now. Everything that I felt I was robbed of as a born-in I've attained now as an adult. An education, close relationships with people based on love, doing what I want to do guilt-free just to name a few. I think that makes a huge difference.
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Guilt trip
by Jrjw indid anyone have other jws try to guilt trip them when they were leaving or if you were making a decision which jws felt was wrong but wasn't unscriptural?
i'm getting people guilt tripping me to eventually get back with my emotionally, spiritually and mentally abusive husband who i'm separated from.
i feel sick at the thought of getting back together and putting myself through that nightmare again but i'm being told its what jehovah wants coz he doesn't want families to be apart.
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mentalclarity
Yeah I was guilt tripped too - about leaving the JWs. A friend wrote me an email about how my kids were going to die in Armageddon...I think that's pretty much the "norm". Depending on what culture you're from, emotional blackmail and guilt tripping is pretty common too!
When I divorced I decided to do so because it was in my best interest and my children's best interest. There are always going to be some well meaning people who try to persuade you that staying together is in the best interest of your kids (even non jws). Only you know your circumstances and from what you've posted it seems like you have a good grasp of things. Here's the thing about those type of decisions...you are the one who lives with the consequences - not them. You are the one at home with a husband who has issues and kids that are growing up in that environment thinking that's normal.
You have this great opportunity to create a life that you want and expose your kids to something different..something better... Don't second guess yourself and try to surround yourself with people who can be supportive. Some people just can't unless they agree with your decision. Take everyone out of the equation and ask yourself "what do I want to do?" and then stick to it!