Posts by mentalclarity

28

What do I do ?

by jdash in

hey guys, this is my first time posting on here but lets get started.. so i'm a 17 year old boy who currently attends meetings at a congregation in indianapolis.

i live with my grandparents, on my father's side, because my mother died in 2010. i been attending meetings since i was 10. my mother got into the religion but then got disfellowshiped.

my dad is on and off, he currently just got reinstated.

Welcome! There's a lot of great advice on here already. I'd definitely talk to a guidance counselor at school to get info on how to get funding for college (FAFSA/work-study/scholarships/etc) It's totally doable on your own. I work at a college and part of the perks is that they paid my tuition for classes - where there is a will, there is a way!

Since you're not 18 yet, I'd sit tight and do the bare minimum...but in the meantime start gathering info on college and start creating a network of non-jw friends for support. Find possible roommates (it's expensive to pay for everything on your own). Plan your exit! Personally, I preferred to fade and I have some contact with family still which would have been impossible if I'd disassociated. .

401

So, the Womens March ... What Is It For?

by Simon in

it seems like mobilizing after the election, which seems pointless.

i keep hearing demands for equal rights but don't understand what rights they are missing exactly.. normally a march is to show the support (and potential votes) for a cause, but ... votes for what?

... and the election happened already.. is anyone else confused?

mentalclarity

I think the money spent in going to marches and protesting could have be better spent donating to women's shelters, daycare/after school support for single moms, international entities that provide medial care for women, etc or even just volunteering actually doing something to help women.. I honestly have no clue what the practical purpose is of standing around with a poster in your hand. If all the energy and resources could actually be channeled to help women in a practical manner instead - that would be a great thing. I get the feeling sometimes protests are a pastime for an elite class of people who actually don't deal with the issues "real" women face day to day, I'm a single mom. How does the protest help me find affordable daycare for my kids or help women in a domestic violence situation or so many other actual important issues, Instead we waste our time discussing what was the last inappropriate comment Trump said

52

What Made You Decide To Finally Leave The Organization?

by minimus in

jw
friends

was there one certain event or was it more a cumulative thing?.

mentalclarity

I'd always had my doubts about the JW history and how it supposedly fulfilled prophesies in the bible even as a young teen. The final straw for me was trying to explain to a coworker my beliefs on the 144,000 and how we were the only "true" religion (and everyone else was wrong) I had been so isolated in my JW bubble for so long(raising small kids and little interaction with non jw's) that once I tried to defend my faith to a rational person it made absolutely no sense. None of it. I couldn't shake the feeling that it all sounded like bullshit. Months later I would leave a meeting in the middle of a needs talk and never go back.

33

My younger brother officially Disassociated today

by pale.emperor in

hi guys.

just wanted to share this with you as it's kind of got me worried.

my brother who was also raised in "the truth™" met me in town today for a coffee.

mentalclarity

The elders have told him that they'll have to inform his JW carers that they can no longer work for him.

That's not correct (as far as I know)- I'd request literature asking where that is stated. My ex husband was told by an elder he had to quit his job because he worked with a df'd person......my uber jw family told me this was wrong, I confronted said elder and since he couldn't bring in any literature to back up his claim, the ex stayed working in the same office for a while. Unless something new has come out, I'm pretty sure you can work with ex jw's (not advised of course).

31

Are You An Angry Exjw At This Point In Your Life?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i’ve been here for many years.

the tone seems to be different in this place.

not so many pissed off exjws .

mentalclarity

I get angry at times for things that come up now in my life that have to do with the religion and how it limits my relationships with my family. But the anger passes pretty quickly.

The things I was angry about from the past got resolved with time. I just refuse to allow it to make me a bitter/angry person now. Everything that I felt I was robbed of as a born-in I've attained now as an adult. An education, close relationships with people based on love, doing what I want to do guilt-free just to name a few. I think that makes a huge difference.

29

Guilt trip

by Jrjw in

did anyone have other jws try to guilt trip them when they were leaving or if you were making a decision which jws felt was wrong but wasn't unscriptural?

i'm getting people guilt tripping me to eventually get back with my emotionally, spiritually and mentally abusive husband who i'm separated from.

i feel sick at the thought of getting back together and putting myself through that nightmare again but i'm being told its what jehovah wants coz he doesn't want families to be apart.

mentalclarity

Yeah I was guilt tripped too - about leaving the JWs. A friend wrote me an email about how my kids were going to die in Armageddon...I think that's pretty much the "norm". Depending on what culture you're from, emotional blackmail and guilt tripping is pretty common too!

When I divorced I decided to do so because it was in my best interest and my children's best interest. There are always going to be some well meaning people who try to persuade you that staying together is in the best interest of your kids (even non jws). Only you know your circumstances and from what you've posted it seems like you have a good grasp of things. Here's the thing about those type of decisions...you are the one who lives with the consequences - not them. You are the one at home with a husband who has issues and kids that are growing up in that environment thinking that's normal.

You have this great opportunity to create a life that you want and expose your kids to something different..something better... Don't second guess yourself and try to surround yourself with people who can be supportive. Some people just can't unless they agree with your decision. Take everyone out of the equation and ask yourself "what do I want to do?" and then stick to it!

48

Anyone struggle to find meaning in life?

by Good JW in

just wondering if this is a common thing for you guys and girls?

when i left the jws it was hard to make a connection with people, much of the time i felt that whatever they wanted to talk about just didn't seem relevant/deep/meaningful.

i find myself filtering my mind to get to a level with others (small talk mostly).

mentalclarity

@ Good JW -"I think this is probably one of the biggest issues. Humans need to feel connected; we could do everything possible in the world (be brilliant at whatever pursuit), but if we feel "alone" it would be futile"

I think isolation and disconnection are some of the greatest factors that contribute to feeling a lack of meaningfulness in your life. I had a few weeks vacation and most of my friends traveled while I spent alot of time alone without my usual social contacts. It was rough...I had alot of time to over-think and kind of wallow in some disappointments. This is not my usual state- I know there is merit in enjoying time to re-energize and be on your own, but the truth is, too much alone time is not good.

I find it very rewarding if I can be around people and feel like I'm contributing or helping in some way. It's more about what I can bring to the interaction, than what I can get from it. Maybe for you talking chit chat can be superficial and frivolous, but for someone else, maybe it's the only human interaction they had all day. A shift in focus goes a long way. That's how I've found meaning in my life.

I think especially coming from a JW background you have to find a way to replace that feeling that you were helping people improve their lives by teaching them about the bible (I know that's what I thought I was doing). There's a big void when you leave and it was important for me to find a way to fill that up and still stay true to my values and current beliefs.

66

Since leaving the JW Organization, who is believing?

by Issa in

jw
friends

i left the jw organization last year during summer.

maybe some of you can relate.

who of you are agnostic or an atheist?

mentalclarity

Believer here! After leaving the JWs I went through a period of not believing in anything which was really great for me just to give me some time to think for myself (I'm a born-in). After that, I piece by piece figured out what I believed, what were my convictions, my values, etc. I also happen to be religious but that's because I reframed what religion is for me and what needs it fulfills in my life.

I'm not sure if there are more atheist on this forum or if it happens that they are the most vocal. You know, correlation doesn't equal causation. I also feel welcomed despite that I am still a believer, but I guess that comes with giving up the need for everyone to agree with me in order to express an opinion. Someone expressing that religion and the bible and God is all "magic" doesn't bother me in the least or have any influence on my own beliefs. That's the gift of knowing who you are and in part I have my exit from the JWs to thank for that!

58

Don't you think that some people are just better off within the org?

by paradiseseeker in

jw
friends

this is my first post, i will introduce myself later.

first of all, i must say that english is not my mother tongue (i'm spanish), so excuse me if i make any mistake.. do you think that some people simply can't cope with being outside the jws?

some of them are too worldlyphobic to be around non-jws, too dependent on a fixed set of rules in order to carry on with their lives, too dependent on the hope of paradise and resurrection, too unable to leave their personal comfort zone within the organization.

mentalclarity

scratchme1010- I think you are right on the money. That's what I observe too with some folks that are in.

58

Don't you think that some people are just better off within the org?

by paradiseseeker in

jw
friends

this is my first post, i will introduce myself later.

first of all, i must say that english is not my mother tongue (i'm spanish), so excuse me if i make any mistake.. do you think that some people simply can't cope with being outside the jws?

some of them are too worldlyphobic to be around non-jws, too dependent on a fixed set of rules in order to carry on with their lives, too dependent on the hope of paradise and resurrection, too unable to leave their personal comfort zone within the organization.

mentalclarity

I look at my own family members sometimes and some of the young ones even worry me because I think they lack a lot of skills to live in the "real world". In a lot of ways these congregations are places where people with multiple issues have a false sense of belonging and are accepted up to a point- while everyone waits for their problems to be fixed in paradise. If they do leave, it's going to be very, very difficult for them not just because they are coming out of a high control group, but because they have another set of challenges that play against them.